Digressions

Capital City of Lidan - Central Command

I knocked on his door.

A slight moment of silence, followed by:

"Come in."

The Colonel wanted me to bring to whole team for a debrief.

"So...here we are." I lowered my officer's hat, pressed it against my belly.

I wasn't really looking, but the others behind me were probably saluting. The Colonel felt the need to say: "At ease." at the sight of it.

"A skeleton crew..." He remarked by looking us over, before continuing intently on reading the report he held.

"We've tried being careful...casualties haven't been too crazy lately" I noted in a soft-spoken tone. I'm not normally like this. Then again, we don't normally get called in like this. By him no less.

How long as it been?

"It's been a while, Captain." The Colonel broke my train of thought.

"It has."

"You're well, I hope?" He shifted his attention away from the papers he was rustling.

"I am."

"Niles. Mila. This, of course, applies to the both of you as well. How goes?"

"The Captain's a pain as always." Mila was unabashed in saying so, always pouncing on the opportunity when it presents itself.

"It's been good, sir." Niles said right after: mellow as always.

The Colonel immediately chuckled to both of their responses. They were awfully on brand. I suspect he found comfort in that.

The Colonel then shifted his gaze towards the lieutenant: "And who do we have here? I presume this is-"

"Second Lieutenant Nazeran Forneus, it's an honour sir!" Nazeran jumped the gun, inadvertently interrupting his superior officer.

His introduction felt so stiff. And just like the others: it felt totally on brand.

We're so lame.

"..." I sighed at such a sad state of affairs.

"A pleasure, son." He smiled. The papers he held were quickly discarded and instantly cindered.

The Colonel always liked it when I brought home someone fresh-faced. He's as fresh-faced as they come, so...

"Now then. To business." The colonel shifted his weight back. "With the gate now closed off in Lycoa, I'd have the four of you perform some reconnaissance here, at home, in the Capital."

"The Capital?!" Niles was the first to react.

"Bout damn time! Could use a change in scenery." Mila felt relieved in saying.

"..." In truth my mind was blank. The thought of going back there was. Well...it felt meaningless. I noticed the lieutenant was unresponsive too.

Him not reacting like the others felt bothersome to me. And he had on this punchable face that just made me want to-

"I need you four to surveil a noble's comings and goings."

"..." We all stood silent waiting for the Colonel to finish.

"Reports state that many of the servants working the nearby commercial and industrial districts have been severely mistreated. Eye-witness accounts by the dozens: missing eyes, teeth, hair, and even limbs. A sad state of affairs."

"Why does that need to involve us?" I asked. 

Obviously I know the answer, I just don't want to go back there.

"It's business as usual, see if they're up to anything nefarious. A brief will be sent to your villa, Captain; containing additional details on the matter.

"..." I got totally ignored.

My villa, he says...

"We not just kill the noble?" Mila was clearly opting for the easy way out. With this naive look of anticipation on her face, as if the Colonnel would actually agree, and compliment her on such an initiative, that only she could cook up."

"No, Vice-Captain. None of that. Keep a watchful eye on them. That is all. He is a noble after all..."

"Well I thought-" Her expectation was met with dejection.

"...no." 

"Ok..." Mila with her doom and gloom after outright proposing murder. 

"Keep the peace, yeah? No funny business." The Colonel insisted.

"No funny business..." Like a whimpering pup, she was crest-fallen, but as I turned towards her, she gave me this heated look.

What's that about?

My guess is, when the person causing her some sort of grief is too important for her to lash out on. She finds me. So that I can be her emotional punching bag.

Great...

She's such an annoying younger sister.

"Now then, before you all leave. I do have some qualms about your last gate-closing mission. Mainly directed at your Captain..."

"What is it, Colonel?" I was being singled-out.

Uh-Oh

"I didn't quite like how you handled your confrontation with the Ghouls."

"Pardon?"

"Why exactly did you slay them in the town square, prior to uncovering the exact location of the gate?"

Ah yes... 

In the moment I felt my heart racing.

I answered shortly: "I had to take them out. They were about to rape one of the surviving town folk. She also had an infant in tow-"

The Colonel interrupted me: "Just who are you covering for, and why?"

Your dear Captain is getting grilled in front of the whole team, Lieutenant. What say you?

Now let's think:

Would he be wholly indifferent to it? 

Due to how insensitive I was towards the surviving townsfolk, he must think of me as monstrous, or at the very least, cold and callous, yes? 

Or perhaps his heart holds out hope for me yet; envisioning a future where I could blossom into a better person down the line. Would a white knight wish that of their commander? A world where I could learn to acknowledge the cruelty of my actions, and seek to make amends for all of the wrongs I've since committed? 

Huh, it all sounds so romantic, really.

The former would most likely bring about some tinge of intrigue, no? I can picture it now, the good Lieutenant, wondering: "why would such a cold, and callous person stick their neck out for me?" Ahh! I can just picture it now! Yes! They stand idly by, implicitly relishing every moment in watching me get brutally and mercilessly held to account for the many transgressions I've lecherously committed...well, maybe not in such an erotic way, but still...

The latter, however, is also an enticing proposition. If he truly believes me capable of personal growth, then he'd feel guilt for putting me in such a rough spot. Would he not?

Why do I even do this? Digressions taken to the extreme! I guess, I'm just-

"Captain!" The Colonel raised his voice, not appreciating my aloofness. I must've missed my cue to respond in a timely fashion.

Just like before...with Overwatch-

"It's not like that! I swear!" I said with a broken voice, as if caught red-handed doing something untoward. I couldn't maintain eye-contact with the commander. I looked elsewhere, with a bashful biting of my lower lip, momentarily shutting my eyes as if expecting a beating.

Feign surprise, feign guilt. Make it seem like I'm helpless. Feel threatened by an empowering presence. Play the weakling. Like that woman and her child.

Playing these roles...

"There you go again, Captain." The Colonel, added. "You always do this. I wish you'd understand that this is far from a mere game!"

"I do, Colonel." I said with a blanked expression; looking at my feet.

Huh? What is she doing now?

Mila was holding my hand, and squeezing it tightly.

"..." His disappointment was palatable. He remained silent for a few spells. Which further added to the surmounting pressure that I felt in the moment. All-the-while, I'm sure he was staring me down.

Mila kept a tight hold of me. 

What the fuck is she even doing?

"I don't like it when you venture into gates carelessly like that. Surveillance is scarce if non-existent in that realm, so I can't always get a clear handle on what you're doing. If you're in danger, and in need of back-up - I can't support you within the far reaches of hell." There was exasperation in his tone.

"I know."

"You don't know! Because you and the Vice-Captain are as stubborn as they come!" He began raising his voice again...

"..." Mila felt her inclusion in the scolding to be unwarranted and gave off a slight whimper while further tightening my hand.

Ok so, Mila dear: you're grip is starting to freaking hurt. This girl forgets her own strength sometimes. Shit!

"Oh please! Am I wrong?" The Commander continued, remarking Mila's apparent reaction to his remark.

"I, ehm!-" She capitulated in an instant, slightly shifting her frame behind me.

I'm you're cover now?!?

"You, just like your Captain here, both went in knowing full well!-"

"Please." I slightly bowed, with apparent confidence, as my emotions were being reigned in. 

I think she's had enough of this. It's time I stop this.

The Colonel halted.

"We'll all be more cautious next time. You have my word, Colonnel." I spoke with strength this time. A remarkable contrast from what I was doing just moments ago.

Even the Colonnel isn't foolish en ough to press me when-

"Be more mindful next time, I beg you." The Colonel calmed himself some, though still maintaining his weary look.

"Understood." I said sharply.

"Understood." Mila replied arduously right after.

"Dismissed."

And so it was.