Chapter 147: Hating Myself

Lucas Zeller and Roy Lin both turned around at the same time—

Blaire Zeller's frail body slumped against the headboard, slowly sliding downward. Crimson liquid spurted from her neck like a fountain.

"Blaire!" Lucas screamed, his voice shattering the silence. He rushed to the bedside, catching her falling body as if swept there by a storm.

"Blaire! Why? Why would you do this?! Doctor—get the doctor now!" His trembling hands pressed against the gushing wound on her neck, his lips quivering as words failed him.

Blaire's cold, trembling hand brushed against his face. A faint, chilling smile touched her lips. "...Lucas... you... set... me... free..." Her unfinished words faded as her small hand fell limp.

---

Claire Grace gently pushed open the door, her eyes filled with concern as they landed on the hunched figure slumped before the sofa. Her heart ached as though the tide of grief had risen within her.

From the moment Blaire had passed, Lucas hadn't spoken a single word. He resembled a man consumed by madness—unable to laugh, cry, or even eat. The confident, commanding man she once knew was gone, replaced by someone drowning in despair, brokenness, and guilt.

Though it had only taken four days to arrange Blaire's funeral and settle her affairs, to Claire, it felt like an eternity.

Sighing softly, she stepped inside.

"Lucas? You haven't eaten in four days. Please, come downstairs and have something, okay?" She stopped beside him, crouched down, and gently rested a hand on his shoulder. "Your mom made all your favorite dishes."

Lucas lifted his lifeless gaze to meet hers. A flicker of something unfamiliar—distant and pained—crossed his eyes, briefly tugging at the blank expression on his face.

"Lucas, what's wrong?" His stare burned through her, intense and almost unbearable.

"You..." His voice rasped out a single word, only to break off. After a few forced coughs, he finally spoke again. "Why did you suddenly start calling me Lucas?"

"I..." Because right now, she saw him as someone who needed comfort, not as a powerful CEO or the man who used to tease and banter with her.

"Forget it. Just leave," Lucas said coldly, turning his face away.

Claire's chest tightened. Unable to hold back, she threw her arms around him and whispered, "I know you're hurting. It's okay to cry. If you keep holding it all in, you'll break."

"I am hurting. But what about you? Are you happy now that Blaire's gone? Now there's no one left to come between us, right?" His voice was sharp, and his eyes pierced her with accusation.

"What?!" Claire pulled back, staring at him in shock. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. "What are you saying? Do you think I drove Blaire to—" She couldn't even finish the sentence.

"...That's not what I meant... Just leave. I don't want to talk anymore," Lucas muttered, pushing her away and turning his back to her.

"Lucas, please don't torture yourself like this," Claire pleaded, her voice breaking. "I can't bear to see you like this."

"Go! Seeing you only reminds me that Blaire died because of me. It makes the pain even worse." His voice was hoarse, filled with self-loathing.

"No! I won't leave you! Please don't push me away," Claire sobbed, wrapping her arms around him again. Tears streamed down her face as she begged. "Please stop blaming yourself. Blaire's death wasn't your fault—"

"If it wasn't my fault, then was it yours?" Lucas snapped, his body trembling with rage. "I know it's my fault. I was too cruel to her... I knew she loved me. I've always known. But all I ever did was avoid her, push her away, and hate her more and more. She was fragile—an orphan who only wanted to be loved—but I treated her feelings like a disease, despising her every advance. You don't understand—when she tried to ruin our relationship, I secretly wished she'd disappear forever!"

"Stop it, Lucas! Don't say another word!" Claire cried, clinging to him tightly, her tears soaking his skin as she pressed her face against his neck.

"I killed her, Claire! Do you understand?!" Lucas roared, his voice raw. "I thought she was just trying to scare me again, pretending with the knife like before. When you ran out of the room, I chased after you without even thinking about her. I didn't realize... I didn't realize she would actually—"

"Please, Lucas! Stop!" Claire sobbed, cupping his tortured face in her trembling hands and pressing desperate kisses to his cheeks, trying to wash away his agony. But her tears only mixed with his pain.

"You don't understand! Seeing her bleeding out in my arms, unable to finish her last words, nearly killed me! And I hated her! I hated her for trying to come between us!" Lucas gripped the sofa cushion so tightly his knuckles turned white, his entire body shaking as he fought back the rage and grief threatening to destroy him.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry," Claire whispered through her tears. "It's my fault—I shouldn't have come into your life. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you and let myself hate Blaire for trying to separate us. I hate myself for it!"

Lucas suddenly shoved her away and stood, gasping for breath, his hands balled into fists. Unable to contain the storm inside him, he stormed into the bathroom.

A loud crash rang out.

Claire froze for a moment before bolting toward the bathroom.

Lucas stood there, his knuckles dripping blood as he smashed his fists into the mirror again and again. Shards of glass littered the floor, glistening red with his blood. But he didn't stop.

"Lucas!" Claire screamed, running to him and throwing her arms around him, struggling to hold him back.

Weakened by days of starvation, Lucas couldn't resist her grip.

"Please stop! Please stop hurting yourself! I can't take this anymore! Calm down, Lucas. Please calm down!" Claire sobbed, tightening her hold as though her embrace could keep him from breaking apart completely.

"You keep telling me what to do! But how can I calm down? Blaire died because of me! How can I pretend nothing happened and go back to the way things were?!" Lucas bellowed, his eyes wild.

"No, that's not what I—"

"She was my baby sister! I protected her my whole life! But after meeting you and falling in love, everything changed! I hate myself! I hate myself!" Lucas's voice shattered as he slumped to the floor, broken and sobbing uncontrollably.

Claire knelt beside him, holding him as tightly as she could, as if her love alone could piece him back together.