Fallout and Frustration

Gabriel stood in the fiery confines of Rax's office, staring at the smug imp who was leaning back in a chair that looked suspiciously like it had been stolen from a medieval torture chamber. The room itself was a haphazard mess of lava lamps, scrolls, and what appeared to be a taxidermied imp holding a "World's Best Henchman" mug.

"So," Rax began, his grin as wide as the River Styx, "I gotta hand it to you, Gabe. The food truck festival? Chef's kiss. Flaming churros, people screaming, fire extinguishers flying everywhere. Beautiful chaos. Pure poetry."

Gabriel folded his arms. "Glad you're entertained. Can I go now?"

"Oh, no, no, no." Rax wagged a finger, leaning forward. "Because while you did, indeed, cause some delightful mayhem, there's just one tiny little problem."

Gabriel sighed. "Let me guess—you're upset because I didn't flip enough taco trucks?"

"Nope." Rax's grin turned sharp. "You saved a human."

Gabriel blinked. "What?"

"You heard me," Rax said, slapping a scroll onto the desk. "Max Harper. Ordinary mortal. Could've been a splat on the sidewalk, but you—" he jabbed a finger at Gabriel—"decided to play hero."

"He was in the middle of it!" Gabriel snapped. "I wasn't going to let him die just because—"

"Because you're soft," Rax interrupted, his tone dripping with mock pity. "Gabe, buddy, pal, you're in Hell now. Saving humans is against the rules. You're supposed to corrupt them, confuse them, maybe throw a little sulfur their way. Not save them."

Gabriel's shoulders slumped slightly. "What's my punishment this time?"

"I'm so glad you asked!" Rax said, rubbing his hands together. "You'll be spending the next week escorting the Cerberus pups on their evening walk. Oh, and they're teething. So, good luck with that."

Gabriel groaned. "You can't be serious."

"Dead serious," Rax replied, cackling. "Oh, and don't forget the poop bags. Those little guys are productive."

****

Meanwhile, in the serene and painfully bright halls of Heaven, Lily stood before Seraphina, who looked like she'd just swallowed a lemon.

"Let me get this straight," Seraphina said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "You allowed a demon to cause chaos in front of dozens of humans. There were glowing halos, flaming churros, and—according to this report—a 'spatula duel.'"

Lily beamed. "Oh, yeah! That was me. Improvisation at its finest."

"Improvisation?" Seraphina's voice rose an octave. "You were supposed to observe the situation, not turn it into an episode of 'Celestial Gladiators!'"

Lily shrugged. "Hey, you can't plan for greatness. Sometimes, it just happens."

Seraphina slammed a scroll onto her desk. "Do you have any idea how much work it takes to repair Heaven's reputation after something like this? The humans are already spinning conspiracy theories on Twitter!"

"Humans love conspiracy theories," Lily said, waving a hand dismissively. "You're welcome for the entertainment."

"This isn't a joke, Lily!" Seraphina snapped. "Your reckless behavior reflects poorly on all of us. As punishment, you'll be cleaning the Celestial Choir Hall for the next month."

Lily blinked. "Cleaning? Like, with a broom?"

"And polish," Seraphina added. "Every harp, every flute, every golden feather. By hand."

Lily groaned dramatically, throwing her hands in the air. "You're killing me, Sera."

"Good," Seraphina replied flatly.

****

Back on Earth, Max slouched over the counter of his favorite dive bar, nursing a beer that had gone warm ten minutes ago. The dim lighting and soft hum of the jukebox were oddly comforting, even if his mind was still spinning from the night's events.

"I'm telling you, it was insane," Max said to the bartender, a no-nonsense woman who had seen her fair share of oddities. "There was this guy glowing with... dark energy or something, and a woman with a halo. And a shadow monster. And churros. Flaming churros."

The bartender raised an eyebrow, setting a bowl of peanuts on the counter. "You sure you weren't, I dunno, high?"

Max sighed. "I wish I was. It'd be easier to explain."

From the other end of the bar, a burly man with a thick beard leaned over. "Sounds like you had one hell of a trip, kid."

"It wasn't a trip," Max insisted. "I was at the food truck festival, and this guy—this weird guy—was trying to sabotage it. Only he was terrible at it. Like, he couldn't even knock over a condiments table."

The burly man burst out laughing. "Terrible at sabotage? What kind of villain is that?"

"A demon, apparently," Max muttered into his beer.

The man's laughter grew louder. "A demon! Oh, this is rich. What's next? He's here to steal all the tacos?"

Max hesitated. "Actually... he kind of was."

The bartender snorted. "You know, Max, for a guy who can't pay his tab half the time, you sure know how to spin a story."

Max groaned, burying his face in his hands as the laughter continued. "This isn't a story! It happened!"

"Sure it did," the burly man said, clapping Max on the back. "And I'm the Tooth Fairy."

Max sighed, staring into his beer. "Great. My life's officially a joke."

****

As Gabriel trudged out of Hell's administrative wing, his shoulders slumped and his mood fouler than the sulfur-laden air, he muttered to himself. "Cerberus pups. Unbelievable. I need a drink... a human drink."

At the same time, Lily sat perched on a cloud outside Heaven's gates, polishing an imaginary harp string and grumbling. "Cleaning duty. What am I, an intern? Screw this, I'm ditching this joint."

Their paths inevitably crossed on Earth, where Max was still sulking at the bar. The moment they walked in, Max looked up, his eyes narrowing.

"Oh, great," he said, throwing his hands up. "It's you two."

Gabriel sighed. "Don't start."

"Don't start?" Max repeated. "You're the reason I'm being laughed at in my favorite bar!"

"Honestly, you should thank me," Lily said, grinning. "Your life was boring before us."

Max pointed a finger at her. "And you! You're the one who made it worse!"

"Yep," Lily said cheerfully.

Gabriel groaned, sinking into a chair. "This is my punishment, isn't it?"

Max frowned. "What, me?"

"No," Gabriel said flatly. "Both of you."