Reaching out to him

I was left in there crying. My dad was the toughest man I have ever seen. He was a government worker who would go to work early in the morning and return very late in the evening. He had struggled to take me to high school and now in the university but what I did was mess up. I didn't know what he was going to say but I was sure he was going to be very disappointed in me. The weekend was over and I went back to my place. That Monday, I went to my last exam but I could not think straight. I left the paper blank opting to go home and sleep. The most important exam was taking place but to me, that was not important. The feelings at that moment had taken a toll on me affecting my judgement ability. I met Mark in the evening after coming home from work. He came looking for me and I was happy. I thought he had given a thought to our situation and come up with a solution but no" Look I don't think I can go through with this. I am not ready to be a father not at this time. If you can't get rid of it then be ready to walk the journey on your own" For a moment my mind was blank as I looked at him. I didn't even notice my tears were flowing until I felt a warm drop on my chest" What do you mean? This is our child and there is no way I will bear responsibility on my own." I looked at him and he was so serious that I questioned my hearing. "How am I even sure the child is mine? Look don't get me involved." He threw his hand at me and walked out. I stood in the same spot for a long time before my mind could return to normal. The man I have known for almost a year is suddenly a stranger to me. His sweet laughter had turned into a creepy one in my mind." What's happening?" I asked myself as I walked out as well and went to his apartment. His brother was in the living room when I walked in. He knew we were in a relationship and I liked him a lot. He was a good person" Jeff, Where is Mark?' I asked him after going to his room but he was not there." He must be in the bathroom," he said pointing out. I waited for a few minutes as he came out." We need to talk." I said to him as soon as his eyes landed on me. His face was wet I assume he went to give himself a rinse" Not now. I have said my piece. I don't want to see you.' He said and I could hear a gasp from Jeff behind me.

Mark went straight to his room and locked it from inside. Jeff on the other hand was eager to know what was happening as he looked confused.

I looked at him as well and walked out

The next few days were hectic. I didn't get to go out at all. I stayed home for two days straight and didn't even have the strength to shower. My body was weak due to lack of sleep and food. I didn't have any appetite and the morning sickness was getting worse. But that was not the least of my problems at the moment. I just wanted everything to be a dream. All I had in mind was my dad's reaction when he found out.

I didn't care what Mark thought, I knew our relationship was over the moment I decided to keep the pregnancy. My mind was racing thinking of different scenarios my life would take. I knew thinking was easier than what reality brought forward

As soon as the school closed for the holiday, I went home. But my stay was not as comfortable as I imagined. 

Three months later, I knew I had to start Antenatal care and it was evident my stomach was beginning to show. My anxiety was growing more and more.

I knew I had to start making plans on what to say to my dad and my future. All these months Mark and I never talked and the anger in my heart was too much. I was abandoned and acceptance was the only thing that could keep me sane.

I went back to my apartment and packed my stuff. Mark was home that day. He walked over to me and I thought I could try one last time to see if we could sort out our issues. I walked to him and said Hi.

"Can we talk?" I didn't give him a chance to protest and walked into his apartment. I looked around and nothing seemed to have changed. Jeff was not around but he was not the reason I was there.

He looked at me for a while and I could see he wanted to say more something was holding him back. "What is it? Did you change your mind? It's too late even if you want to abort now. I don't want anything to do with it." Looking at his handsome face, the words he was spouting was not compatible with his outward appearance.

" You know, we can always talk about what the problem really is. We can figure out this together. Give this child a chance to live with his father." I looked desperate and I was indeed desperate