45. Outlet

Each floor was brought to the cafeteria separately, which meant our cell floor was brought in a row. Now was not a good time to get a seizure because it would disturb the whole row. So it was just the perfect time to do exactly that. Again, my body taunted, trembled, and shook as I tried to get rid of these handcuffs. I broke out in sweat, asking myself where this was coming from. I had never been chained down in my past. There was no trauma or anything. It only started when I first woke up and understood that these handcuffs were no temporary thing.

The entire row came to stand as I twisted myself, feeling the scabs on my wrists and ankles opening. And urge like coming when you are shortly before, or like sneezing, or like peeing when you held it in forever. The need to move and get these things off was just that strong that my body moved on its own; I had never experienced something similar.

The prisoners behind were getting impatient, and the prisoners before me watched me with strange grins. I clenched my jaw together on instinct while waiting until it subsided.

"Hey, I am hungry!"

"You dance like a noob!"

"Stop shaking your ass, or I won't decline!" 

Laughter, whistles, the guards bellowing for us to behave.

"THEN COME ON AND I CASTRATE YOU, YOU GAY ASSHOLE!" I yelled, just like a damn seizure, not getting my feelings under control. Damn, when I think back of how I had been when this all started, I would have just smirked and noted it down. Now I am back to preschool behavior. Can't believe it.

There was a short silence before someone tried to push to me, my own body moving as well but being held back by the guards and my cellmate.

"GET IT ON, COME ON, I KILL YOU! I HAVE NOTHING LEFT!" Like a blind bull, I tried to get my hands free of the cuffs and kill whoever dared to have it out for my ass.

Finally, one guard bellowed for the dinner to be canceled for this floor, and everyone was brought back. I heard them grunt and yell, cursing me. And the minute the cell was closed, and I was freed of my cuffs, I banged against the prison door.

"I CAN TAKE ANY OF YOU GUYS ON!" Dumb overstatements, feeble threats.

"EVER SEEN A TORSO.HILL? I CRAWLED OVER ONE!" What's the point? Why am I doing this?

"EVER BEEN THROWN TO PRISON CAUSE YOU HELPED SOMEONE?" Who would believe that? Everyone has their story.

"HOW OLD ARE YOU ALL? I AM NOT EVEN EIGHTEEN AND I AM IN FOR FIRST DEGREE MURDER WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE?! " Why am I constantly repeating this.

"HAD SOME FUCKER HERE LESSER OF LIFE THAN I HAD? TELL ME? DID YOU GET LOCKED UP AT SEVENTEEN?! SAY SOMETHING!" I knew they were yelling and booing, but I couldn't hear it anymore. I punched against the bars with all my might, hearing my wrist cracking and feeling my finger bones springing out of their joints. It hurt like hell, but so be it. I was so angry, so damn angry.

"I FUCKING TOLD YOU, YOU WOULD DROWN! WHY HAVEN'T YOU BELIEVED IT, YOU DAMN BITCH! AAAAA!" I started crying out loud, the sounds blurring.

"I TOLD YOU, YOU DAMN WHORE, YOU WILL DIE IF YOU GO! WHY HAVE YOU NOT ACCOMMODATED ME, WHY NOT JUST INDULGED ME?"

"WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU HAD TO PROVE A NINE-YEAR-OLD, DESTROYING MY LIFE?!?!?" 

"YOU DAMN MOTHERFUCKING BITCH, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUBBORN??"

"WAS DROWNING SO FUN, YOU DAMN OLD WOMAN!"

"AND WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT WHEN I SEE YOU SINCE FOREVER AGAIN!" 

"I AM YOUR SON, YOU BITCH!"

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH, YOU STUBBORN BITCH!" 

I think I yelled for some time, but when I came to it, my surroundings were utterly silent, hearing my hoarse voice still echoing through the tract, before sliding down the prison doors and losing consciousness.

*********

The next day, I woke up on a bed, tightly tucked in. I let my eyes close, knowing that I wouldn't like what I came to wake up.

"Hey mama's boy? Wanna go swimming?"

And here it was. Damn it. And just like yesterday, with having no voice left in me, along with no strength, I jumped down the bed and screamed my lungs out. I cursed this motherfucker; his entire family asked him if he fucked his mama and didn't get it up. Every damn outrageous thing that would come to mind. And while my voice sounded like it would give out any moment, it did not.

Maybe it was because I really healed fast, my fingers being swollen but not really hurting anymore, seemingly slowly joining back together. 

I had never screamed all the shit tormenting out like that in front of a fucking audience. Every fucking time I was provoked, I made sure to scream back, being more vulgar than I had ever thought I could be and slicing as deep as possible into the other flesh.

I started to get really into it somehow. 

However, that didn't mean I made myself friends; I knew it was dumb, but I just couldn't, for fucking's sake, get a grip.

So now I have to get a plan or at least a weapon. 

But, haha, would you believe it? I got rewarded with not only the dumbness of an MC but also with the overpoweredness of one.