CHAPTER 9

I stormed back to my room, angry and upset, and I fell into my bed, my back hitting the mushy foam with a soft thud. I was full of thoughts, and my heart was heavy with emotions.

I don't understand. Why would Josiah act that way... say those things?

I rolled to another side of the bed with a grunt. I was angry, hurt, and sad. I felt like I couldn't trust Josiah anymore. I didn't even know if he approached me basically to use me or something like that. And Tony... he was chatting with Tony just after he switched up on me in the dining room.

Could Tony be in on it, too?

No, no, no. I have to stop overthinking things.

I scooted over to the edge of the bed and sat up with a loud sigh. I rubbed my right index finger on my temple, massaging the skin slowly, when I heard a buzz from my phone.

It was a text from an unsaved number.

I reached over and grabbed my phone, opening the text. It read:

'Hey, it's Tony. Got your number from Josiah'

Just when I thought of him. I dropped the phone on the bed, ready to ignore the message when the phone buzzed again.

'Just wanna know if you're home safe *heart emoji* '

I stopped and stared at the phone for several seconds. It couldn't be just a coincidence that he was texting me right after my fight with Josiah, considering they were texting not long ago. I wasn't going to warm up to him just like that, so I threw the phone back on the bed and stood up, headed for the lounge to relax and watch TV.

*****

I spent hours in the lounge drinking sodas and binge-watching series on Netflix until I fell asleep on the couch.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

I felt gentle fingers tapping my arm repeatedly, and I suddenly jumped up in shock and surprise. Looking up at my potential attacker, I was greeted with Josiah's smiling eyes.

"Didn't mean to startle you," He said in his smooth, suave baritone.

I rubbed my eyes, still booting up my brain. "Uh-huh," I mumbled.

He smiled down at me. "You look like a kitten when you're sleepy," he smiled.

"I'm not sleepy-" I yawned "I just woke up." I stepped back.

"You get the idea." he smiled and stood there looking at me with folded arms and a straight face.

"What do you want?" I grunted, and my eyes followed his arm as he reached over to his hair "Don't," I said, and his fingers stopped just at the tip of the strands.

"I want to talk about earlier." he dropped his arm.

I folded my arms. "What about earlier?" I asked.

He took a step forward, but I took a step backward. He paused and looked closely at me to read my expression, and then with a resigned sigh, he continued speaking, "The way I acted, the things I said. Joan, I didn't mean them," He said, and I sighed out loud.

"You know I didn't mean them," he said, his voice pleading and his eyes searching mine "I know it's no excuse, but I was just transferring my aggression about something else on you in those moments" His hand reached up to his hair "I know I pull at my hair when I'm nervous or uncomfortable, it's a habit I couldn't break but I promise, it is not you. In fact, I am at my most comfortable when I am with you," He said and took a step closer. This time, I did not move.

"Could've fooled me," I muttered. I was not about to get sucked into his orbit again "I know the look I saw on your face, and why were you texting Tony?" as Tony's name left my lips, I could see Josiah visibly stiffen and forcefully drop his arm to his side.

"Tony?" he muttered, trying to sound incredulous.

"Oh, come on, you know you're not that good a liar." I looked up at him with fierce eyes.

"What does Tony have to do with anything?" he asked with a nervous smile.

"You tell me," I said.

His mouth was slightly open, as if he wanted to speak but was still deciding whether or not he should. Just when I decided to say something to push him to talk, I heard Chef Sandra call my name.

"Joan, I've been looking everywhere for you," She said in her signature motherly tone.

"I hope I didn't put you through too much trouble." I smiled nervously at her.

"Oh no, not at all darling," she smiled. "I sent your boyfriend to find you," she said, still holding that open-mouthed smile.

Without thinking, I turned to Josiah. "So you didn't come to find me because you wanted to. It was because she sent you to." I was toe-to-toe with him.

He chuckled nervously. "I wanted to come talk to you earlier, but I thought it safe to have an excuse if I came to talk. So that if you didn't respond well-" he trailed off.

I shook my head roughly, and I realized that I had had that outburst right in front of Chef Sandra. I was probably already cementing her opinion that Josiah and I were a thing. I turned to look at her with a forced smile planted on my face.

"Let's have lunch, darlings." She smiled and walked briskly ahead of us to the dining, leaving Josiah and me virtually alone.

"So, are you actually hungry this time, and you're going to endure sitting with me" I began "or is something else at play and you just won't say?" I finished.

He looked at me with concerned eyes. "Which would be worse?" he asked.

"What does it matter?"

"It's both," he said, "but sitting with you isn't a burden, Joan."

"So let me see if I get you," I said, my voice reflecting deadly calm. "You switched up on me and said all those mean things because you were transferring aggression on me. But you won't tell me what prompted you to get mad?"

"Joan, it's not for your ears," he said, shaking his head slowly. "Not yet."

"What does that even mean?"

"Just let it go."

"I need something," I said, my voice pleading. "Give me something."

"Joan, I-"

"Is Tony involved?" I asked.

He looked at me with an expression I couldn't decipher and looked down, facing his slippers "Yes," he mumbled, "but not in the way that you-"

"Whatever," I cut him off. "Chef Sandra, I will have my lunch in my room," I called out to her; she was a couple of feet forward from us.

"Um- of course," she replied, her voice a soft echo.

I turned in the other direction to leave- it was a faster route to my room- but Josiah held my hand, forcing me to halt. With a harsh yank, I pulled my arm from his and walked away. Deep inside, I wondered if I could ever trust him again.