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Monday, October 25, 2021Too Many Losing Heroines! V1 Chapter 4

Chapter 4: When You Stare at the Losing Heroine, the Losing Heroine Stares Back

 [28/12/2024: Chapter re-translated.] Translator: PingasEditor: Suu 

The day after the camp. Monday morning.

In the bustling classroom, I sat silently with my elbow propped on the desk, listening to the surrounding noise.

Conversations about yesterday's TV shows or baseball games shared friends or homework. Some are even sharing complaints that sounded suspiciously like humblebrags.

It's all the usual, mundane chatter. Things that anyone could easily join in on if they just acted normally, accepted their surroundings, and went with the flow. My classmates pulled it off effortlessly.

"Good morning!"

The loud greeting that shattered my train of thought came from Remon Yakishio as she burst through the classroom door. Several voices called back in reply to her cheerful entrance.

Yakishio made her way straight to my desk, dropping her bag on it with a thud.

"Good morning, Nukkun! The camp was so much fun, wasn't it?"

"Oh, uh… good morning."

"Anyway, here, this is for you."

She pulled a piece of paper out of her bag and handed it to me.

Another new picture diary already? Looking at it, I see a girl running alongside a train.

"What's this scene supposed to be?"

"Oh, it's from yesterday. I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop, so I ran back to the station."

Why did she choose that moment?

"Alright, I'll post it online later tonight."

"Thanks a bunch!"

Yakishio waved as she walked to her seat, exchanging greetings and high-fives with her female friends. Where does she get all that energy so early in the morning?

Feeling worn out from people already, I stretched. That's when I noticed Yanami.

Lately, Yanami has been spending more time in a group different than Sosuke Hakamada and Karen Himemiya's. She's chatting with her friends, her warm, inviting smile lighting up the conversation.

Noticing me looking at her, Yanami gave me a small smile. Awkwardly, I averted my eyes.

We still don't talk in the classroom, but she isn't avoiding me either. It's not quite a "secret relationship," but it's something close to it.

From the next classroom over, I heard confused laughter. It was probably Amanatsu-sensei wandering into the wrong room again. That happens about twice a month.

As the classmates, now accustomed to the routine, began trickling back to their seats in preparation for homeroom, another day, the same as always but still unique to today, quietly began.

*

When lunchtime arrived, Yanami left the classroom immediately. A few moments later, I headed to our usual meeting spot, not out of any explicit arrangement but because of an unspoken understanding between us.

Taking the long way around the school building, I stopped by a vending machine to grab a carton of milk. Now, it's time to cut behind the school and head to the emergency staircase.

As I turned the corner of the building, I heard the lively laughter of a group of girls and instinctively stopped.

The voices are familiar. It's the girls from our class, the flashy and attention-grabbing types.

I felt a vague discomfort toward them, and as my mind worked out an alternate route, a familiar name reached my ears.

-Yanami. They definitely said her name.

The tone carried a faint, rough edge to it. I poked the straw into my milk carton and listened in.

"Yanami, like, after all that flirting, she still got dumped for that transfer student? That's just so lame."

"Right? If it were me, I couldn't even show my face at school."

Their careless laughter rang out, sharp and unrestrained.

…So this is where the "Yanami got rejected?" vibe she mentioned is coming from.

Of course, they wouldn't say any of this to her face.

But whispers like these linger in the air, sticking to the hearts of everyone around. While I had been idly walking around drinking water, Yanami had been enduring this.

I knew I shouldn't be listening to this. I turned to leave, but their following words made me stop in my tracks.

"You know what? I heard Yanami moved on to another guy recently."

"No way!" (x2)

…No way. I pressed myself against the wall, straining to hear.

During the camp, there was no sign Yanami had a boyfriend or anything like that.

Unable to explain the situation, I held my breath as their shrill, excited voices echoed in my ears.

"Who is it? Wasn't she called out by the basketball captain the other day?"

"No, it's that guy, you know… the one in her class… Nuku…mizu?"

"Nuku…?" (x2)

Oh, so there's another Nukumizu besides me- wait, there isn't!

So they mean me!? Is that really what's being spread around right now!?

This is bad. What went wrong? Did someone see us eating lunch together? Was it the family restaurant? Or maybe when we happened to be alone together at the beach?

"Oh yeah, there's someone like that, right? On the class roster… somewhere in the middle, I think…"

Do I leave that little of an impression?

While my mind swirled like a stormy sea, the group of girls fell silent. Then, one of them suddenly raised her voice as if in disbelief.

"But Yanami's popular, right? There's no way it's him!?"

"Totally. Yanami's taste is kind of bad, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't even know what his face looks like."

Scenes from earlier flashed through my head over and over.

If rumors about her and someone like me start spreading…

More importantly, Yanami still… she still likes Hakamada.

"You know, Yanami might have been acting a little too cocky just because she's cute. No decent guy would go near her."

"In a way, they're a perfect match, though."

Laughter erupted again. I couldn't listen anymore and walked away.

Crushing the milk carton in my hand, I tossed it into the trash.

*

"I mean, seriously, Nukumizu-kun. Don't you think you were awfully mean this morning?"

Later, at the emergency stairs, Yanami launched into complaints the moment we met, as if she had been waiting.

"Huh, awfully what?"

"You ignored me when I gave you my signal!"

"Well, I mean… if the others in class find out we hang out, wouldn't that be bad for you? I was just being considerate."

Even as I explained, the conversation from the group of girls earlier replayed in my head.

That tight, suffocating feeling in my chest- what is it?

"We're in the same club. A little interaction isn't weird, you know."

"Alright, alright. I wasn't ignoring you on purpose."

"Fine, then."

Satisfied for now, Yanami pulled out her wrapped lunch.

"There was a lot that happened during the retreat, huh?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, there was."

A lot did happen. But it was fun, that much I can say for sure.

I've even started working on the next part of my novel. Writing always felt like such a solitary activity, but having companions around makes it feel… strangely different.

"I got to show off my cooking skills too. Now, today's lunch is ready to be unveiled!"

Did she show anything off? I couldn't remember, but Yanami opened the lid of her lunchbox in front of me. Inside were sandwiches, not from a convenience store, but homemade.

The fillings are ham and lettuce, egg, and… wait, what's the third one? I can see slices of cucumber, but…

Curious, I picked one up.

"Cucumber and…is this moromi miso?" [TL: It's quite like solid soy sauce, though it's not used to make soup.]

So basically, it's morokyu. Crisp cucumber paired with the sweet and salty taste of moromi miso.

"So, how is it?"

"Let's see… yeah, surprisingly, it's okay. Not bad, I guess."

Though the bread has absorbed some of the cucumber's moisture.

"If I had to say, you should probably spread margarine on the bread first."

"Oh, I forgot. So… does that mean a low rating?"

Right, I should assign a value. Hmm, how much debt does she still owe?

Sandwiches actually take more prep than you would expect, like slicing the ingredients and all that. I guess 500 yen seems fair to-

"'In a way, they are a perfect match.'"

Suddenly, the conversation from earlier ran through my mind.

Yanami, the cute and eye-catching girl from our class, and me, a complete background character.

Perfect match? No way. It's more like I would drag Yanami down.

"Nukumizu-kun, what's wrong?"

"…2,867 yen."

"Huh? That's a record high, or, wait-"

Yanami's initial excitement gave way to a puzzled tilt of her head.

"Wait, isn't that the exact amount of my remaining debt?"

"Yeah. With this, it's all paid off."

"Um, you know, this is just a regular sandwich, right?"

Looking like she couldn't make sense of it, Yanami glanced back and forth between her lunch and my face.

…Anna Yanami. Honestly, I still don't understand her at all.

I can never tell where her jokes end and her serious side begins.

She seems to enjoy teasing me and constantly throwing me off balance.

"It's just…I feel like I'm taking advantage of you, Yanami-san. Like, this isn't really okay, is it?"

In reality, someone like her shouldn't even be talking to someone like me.

She's one of the popular, cute girls at the top of the class hierarchy, bright, well-liked, and capable of playing the perfect cheerful, slightly airheaded character.

But she's also a little bit of a crybaby sometimes.

"Your lunch was delicious. Thanks for everything up until now."

She's more than enough to be a fantastic heroine. Hakamada will regret letting her go someday, for sure.

…Yanami, who had been quietly watching me, spoke up in a calm voice.

"At first, yeah, it was just because I didn't have enough allowance. But, there were fun moments too."

She picked up the morokyu sandwich and took a bite.

"I kind of hate endings that feel so half-baked like this."

She gazed at the sandwich's cross-section, her demeanor tinged with an unsettling air.

"They are saying things, like, about me eating lunch with you every day."

I said it, watching her reaction.

She didn't move a muscle, her eyes fixed on the green-tinted part of the bread where the cucumber had soaked through.

"If people think weirdly about us, that would be bad for you, wouldn't it, Yanami-san?"

Growing uneasy with her silence, I continued.

"You have got so many friends. You don't need someone like me-"

"Hey, I'm kind of losing track of this conversation."

Yanami interrupted, closing her lunchbox.

"Did I say or do something to make you mad?"

"Of course not!"

The loudness of my voice startled even me. Shaking my head, I quickly rephrased.

"…No, that's not it. It's not that at all."

"Are you sure?"

I couldn't meet Yanami's gaze and looked away.

I'm the one who can't stand it.

The Yanami I got to know still likes Hakamada.

And that Yanami is right in front of me.

That's why I can't accept this false version of her. Or the rumors that don't reflect her true feelings.

"The fact that these kinds of rumors are spreading… I just… hate it."

I finally managed to get the words out, lowering my gaze to the half-eaten sandwich in my hand.

Yanami didn't reply.

As I searched for something else to say, feeling like I had to fill the silence, Yanami placed her lunchbox on my lap.

"…I get it. Yeah, I understand."

She cut off the conversation firmly, her tone decisive.

"I won't talk to you anymore from now on."

Yanami stood up, her words sharp and final.

"Thanks for everything. It was kind of fun, I guess. Bye."

Leaving no room for argument, she pressed the lunchbox into my hands and disappeared down the staircase.

…It's all over, just like that.

Yanami didn't even look back at me in the end.

Maybe I had been hoping she would, just once.

Left alone on the staircase, I opened the lunchbox.

Today's lunch is neatly packed homemade sandwiches. For a touch of color, there are two small cherry tomatoes tucked into the corner.

She must have prepared it early in the morning for our lunchtime together.

Three days before the closing ceremony. It was only then that I realized how much I had already lost.

*

Dinner barely went down, and I lay sprawled on my bed.

How many times had I replayed today's lunchtime conversation in my mind?

…This is for the best.

Yanami and I, were we even really friends, let alone anything more? We lived in entirely different worlds. It's hard to imagine our connection continuing as it had.

And most of all, I didn't want her to be spoken of poorly because of me-

"You seem a little down, onii-sama. Did something happen at school?"

Caught in an endless loop of thoughts, like I was stuck in a dead-end, I didn't notice until Kaju had curled up next to me, lying down with a soft thud.

"…Kaju, you know it's not okay to just climb into your brother's bed without permission."

Still staring blankly at the ceiling, I gave a halfhearted scolding without any energy to really argue.

Kaju giggled and poked at my cheek.

"Hehe. Could it be… that you got rejected?"

"Well, something like that, I guess."

Kaju's aura immediately turned murderous at my offhand reply.

"Onii-sama! Kaju knew something wasn't right these days!"

"Wait, no, no, it's just a figure of speech. I don't even have anyone like that."

For a moment, Yanami's unguarded smile floated into my mind. I turned away, avoiding Kaju's questioning gaze.

"Could it be that cute girl who was grilling meat with you at the campsite?"

"Wait, how do you even know about her!?"

I shot up from the bed in surprise, and Kaju looked at me with a mischievous grin.

"Finally, you're looking at Kaju."

"Were you there? How much did you see?"

"Well… tell Kaju more about her, and you might get an answer."

She playfully pressed her finger to her lips.

"Or, you know, forcing Kaju to spill might be an option too?"

Ignoring Kaju's teasing, I lay back down on the bed.

"Listen, she's just a classmate and a member of my club. Besides, she already likes someone else."

"Then… the short-haired girl, right? Kaju thinks someone cheerful like her would suit you."

"She's also just a classmate. And she also already likes someone else."

Kaju thought for a moment before clapping her hands.

"Then maybe the mature-looking girl with glasses? Though it felt like there was some drama with her…"

"She's dating our club president."

"There was one more, kind of plain-looking…"

Kaju's expression clouded slightly.

"But… if it's someone you chose, onii-sama… Kaju will do my best to accept her."

What is this conversation even about? One thing is clear. Kaju has seen quite a lot.

"For the last time, it's not like that! I'm just tired from the camp."

Turning away from Kaju, I muttered.

"I'm going to rest for a bit. Kaju, you should head back to your own room."

"No way! Kaju won't budge until you tell me who your real crush is. Kaju has to make sure they are good enough for you, onii-sama- kya!"

I threw a towel blanket over Kaju and wrapped her up snugly. That should quiet her down a bit.

"…Right now, Kaju is enveloped in onii-sama's scent."

My little sister is saying some truly unsettling things.

"Kaju can feel all of your emotions through this blanket, onii-sama. Rest assured, Kaju will find you the perfect partner-"

Instead, she became even noisier.

Adding another blanket over her, I resumed my thoughts.

My choices, my actions, and my final conversation with Yanami-

I kept grappling with these wordless emotions, unable to reach any clear answer.

*

The next day, two days before the closing ceremony.

A lonely lunch break. Life has returned to its usual routine.

At the now-familiar emergency staircase, I ate a simple meal of a tuna bun and milk. Afterward, I worked on the continuation of my novel on my phone, timing my return to the classroom with the bell.

Though it has only been a single day since our lunch meetings ended, it already feels like a distant memory. Did Yanami and I really spend so many lunchtimes together?

I sat at my desk, speaking to no one, glancing occasionally at the clock until the bell rang.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her laughing and chatting happily with her friends in the classroom.

"How's it going, Nukkun? You seem a little down."

Yakishio's voice broke into my solitude. She crouched beside my desk, leaning her elbows on it and tilting her head to look up at me.

"Don't worry. I'm always low-energy."

Yakishio, I appreciate your concern, but I'm currently mired in my own problems. No matter how cute you are, I can't let myself be distracted-

"Hmm. For someone so low-energy, you sure seem to be keeping your eyes on someone."

…This girl. Saying things like that in the classroom.

As I struggled for words, Yakishio flashed a tanned smile and stood up.

"I don't know what's going on, but if you don't talk things out properly, you're going to regret it."

"…Regret?"

Repeating the word like a parrot, I felt a sharp slap on my back. Yakishio grinned, flashing her white teeth.

"It's advice from your senpai."

A heavy, heartfelt remark.

*

After school that day, I wandered down an empty hallway toward the clubroom.

I realized something now that our lunch meetings were over. School days suddenly felt oddly long.

Until yesterday, I had been thinking about lunch from the moment I woke up, and after it was over, I would find myself reflecting on it. Compared to that, today, I feel like an empty shell.

"…What am I, a pet dog or something?"

The only thing left on my school schedule are my club activities after school.

It's not much more than an excuse to hear Komari's snide remarks while avoiding the crowded shoe racks.

When I turned the doorknob to the clubroom, it was unlocked. Usually, either Komari or I would be the first to arrive.

Is she here already?

Without much thought, I opened the door- and froze in place.

"Yanami-san."

Anna Yanami is standing there.

Her hand, which had been reaching for a book on the shelf, fell back to her side. Her unreadable eyes shifted toward me.

"Oh, Nukumizu-kun. It's been a while."

It hasn't even been a day. Just this morning, we were in the same classroom. But I couldn't find any better words to say.

"So, you came… Are you here for club activities?"

"I just came to return a book. I've got plans with some friends, so I'm leaving now."

Yanami averted her gaze as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

She started walking toward the door, her back to me. Watching her go, I realized something.

It wasn't logical. It wasn't something I could explain or put into words. But I understood one thing clearly.

If I don't say something right now, I won't get a chance to connect with her again.

"Yanami-san, wait a second."

"…What is it? Make it quick. My friends are waiting."

Without turning around, Yanami answered quietly. Her tone made me hesitate for a moment.

"If you don't have anything to say, I-"

"Hold on, Yanami-san."

My mind is filled with the regret and hesitation of Yanami, of Yakishio, of everyone who had struggled to express their feelings.

"For the past while, we have been eating lunch together every day… and I guess I really started looking forward to it."

I thought of Komari's bravery and the strength it took to speak up, even knowing her feelings wouldn't reach their destination.

"So-"

"So?"

Yanami's voice cut in sharply.

So… what?

Of course, we aren't a couple. We aren't even close enough to call each other friends.

Ours was a fragile connection, bound only by the borrowed money.

"I just… I just wanted to say that I enjoyed it. That's all."

Yanami stood still, her hand gripping the doorknob tightly.

After a long moment, when all the time we needed had passed between us.

"…I see."

Her tone was flat, emotionless. She quietly opened the door.

Backlit by the light from the hallway, she turned slightly, but I couldn't make out her expression.

"Well then… I'm going now."

*

The next day arrived, and I couldn't bring myself to focus on anything. Tomorrow is the closing ceremony.

The classroom has a restless energy, with summer vacation just around the corner. Even Amanatsu-sensei attempting to hand out report cards during morning homeroom was taken in stride as a joke.

It's the last lunch break of the term. By now, it has become routine for me to pass the time on the emergency staircase. I sat there, munching on a curry bread while gazing out at the schoolyard.

With the temperature over 35 degrees, lunchtime practices are banned. Even so, I spotted Yakishio running on the track, only to be escorted off by the PE teacher.

"What is she even doing…?"

The dry wind from the field stung my eyes. Brushing the dust off my bread, I suddenly heard the sound of footsteps coming from below.

I straightened my back, unsure why.

"T-There you are."

Before I could stop myself, I found myself expecting something.

But it was Chika Komari who appeared, unceremoniously plopping down beside me.

"What's up, Komari?"

"Y-You're the one w-who told me to e-eat here."

Ah, that's right. My past self just had to say something unnecessary.

"A-And besides, I heard you got r-r-rejected."

She could barely hold her grin in.

"I thought… s-serves you right or something, and I couldn't help but come here."

I really want to shove a bunch of wrapping papers into her mouth.

"How do you even know about that?"

"I-If you're going to make a s-scene like that in the club room, i-it's obvious e-everyone would find out."

"Anyway, it's not even like that between Yanami-san and me."

"Y-You're so bad at l-letting things go."

Komari pulled a butter roll from a paper bag and began munching on it. It's the kind they sell at supermarkets in six-packs for cheap.

"A-And besides, you think y-you could just w-waltz off and be the only h-happy one? S-So arrogant."

"Yeah, well, didn't you just get rejected recently?"

"S-Shut up!"

To an outsider, I guess all of this must look like some kind of romantic drama.

But it's not. That wasn't romance. So then, what was it? I couldn't help but let out a wry smile.

…In the end, I was never anything to Yanami. Now that the debt was repaid, even the temporary connection we had was gone. That's all there was to it.

The thought drained my appetite, so I stuffed my half-eaten curry bread back into its bag.

"That's all you're having for lunch?"

Looking over, I saw her gnawing on a second butter roll, wincing as she ate. Did she not even bring a drink? Without thinking, I handed her the carton of milk I had bought from the vending machine.

"Here, take this. You're going to choke if you don't drink something."

"C-Can I really have it? W-What about you?"

"I've got a water bottle with tea in it. I'm fine."

"Full-fat milk…"

Her eyes sparkled as she stuck the straw into the carton. Watching her made me feel like I was feeding a stray cat.

Still, giving food to strays isn't responsible. You either keep your distance or take full responsibility and adopt them.

Noticing my gaze, Komari shot me a wary look.

"I-If you're thinking of t-taking it back, it's t-too late."

…Ah, that reminds me.

My house doesn't allow pets.

*