A Taste of Home and a Dash of Hope

The first trimester of this MBA degree is over, and let me tell you, this has been nothing like I've ever experienced before. Every single subject is new to me, and while I expected challenges, I didn't expect this level of difficulty. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of unfamiliarity, and I just can't seem to keep my head above water.

Honestly, I am pretty sure that I am getting back into this trimester. It would be the first time in my life to experience this type of thing. I mean, even until now it does not even feel real; yet, I know when I shall see my result in black and white, the weight of it would just hit me like a ton of bricks.

After the exams were over, however, I made what I now realize was the best decision of my life—I booked a flight home.

Mom opened her arms and embraced me warmly inside the house. Chapatis were fresh out of the kitchen and the aroma of her cooking had calmed my nerves. Brother and sister had suddenly rushed down the stairs from step to step, fighting for whose voice was louder, asking for every detail of life at college. Father waited at the back, beaming, smiling through the time patiently for his turn.

Mom: Aditi, look at that! You are shedding those pounds, my child! Are you actually eating at that hostel?

Aditi (Laughing): Mom, obviously I'm fine. The hostel's food just can't compete with yours. Now, how's the heart doing? It needs some pumping.

Brother (teasingly): Studying or just vanishing into thoughts and dreams thinking of girls?

Aditi: Very funny, Aarav. I have been studying a lot; thank you very much. It's just really hard to keep up with everything.

Sister: But do you like it? Like, are you making friends and enjoying yourself?

Aditi: It's. okay. The schedule is crazy, and I barely have time to breathe. But yeah, I've made a few friends. The hostel life is something else altogether.

Dad: All part of the process, beta. You are getting used to a new environment. It is going to be alright in due course.

Mom: However much you might be engrossed in work, just keep well care of yourself. And if you ever feel that your workload has overwhelmed you, then feel free to ring us. We are always here for you.

Aditi: Okay, mom. I can handle it.

Dinner was catch-up time on everything in everyone's life. My brother was talking about the preparations he was doing for his engineering entrance, my sister about the school work she was saddled with, and Mom and Dad were sharing information about family friends' and relatives' homes. This was the first time I had a sense of normalcy. I didn't realize how much I craved it until then.

Even though I had a long list of things to do at home—helping Mom out in the kitchen, running errands with Dad, and tutoring my little sister—nothing felt like work. Rather, it was therapeutic in a way. Here, every chore made sense in a different way; it was comfortable. There was nothing like the grueling grind of studying for an MBA.

But days began to fly so soon. Now, reality started creeping in. I had four more days left in my hometown. Then, off to the hostel it was, classes again, and that roller coaster of life. The mere thought of that would make my heart sink, but I knew that this is what I signed up for.

Now that I have returned, summer internship recruitment has started. The first company to visit the campus was Deloitte. It was one of the most sought-after firms around. Almost everyone in my batch wished to get a chance there. I was hopeful. However, once the shortlist was declared, it was not available for me.

I was devastated. For a few minutes, I sat there staring at the screen, hoping that somehow I had missed my name. But there it was—the harsh reality. My resume didn't make the cut.That evening, I called my parents, desperate for some reassurance.

Aditi: Deloitte came to campus today, and I wasn't shortlisted. My resume didn't even make it past the first round.

Mom (softly): Beta, it's just one company. The end of the world has not come.

Dad: Your mom is right. This is only the start. You have so much to look forward to.

Aditi (exasperated): But, Dad, everybody was so elated over Deloitte. Such a big name and I didn't even clear the first stage. What if this continues?

Dad (serenely): Listen, failures and rejections are part of life. They don't define you. What defines you is how you pick yourself up and keep moving forward. You will find your way-it takes just time.

Mom: And do not try to compare yourself with others, Aditi. Everyone has his or her journey. So learn and improve in yourself—that is what matters most.

Aditi: I guess you are right. It's just. hard to stay positive sometimes.

Dad: We know it's tough, but remember, we believe in you. You have always been resilient, and we know you will find your way. Just take it one step at a time.

Mom: And don't stress yourself up too much. Take breaks, take care of yourself, and remember that we're always here for you.

Their words healed my sensitive nerves. It was not then, but this was the very first time since rejection set in that I felt a ray of hope. And maybe they weren't wrong about it. It was just an initiation of the better things waiting for me.

Things have been running quite smoothly within this trimester so far, and subjects aren't that boring any more. The slow pace by which I seem to be sinking into the regular grind of life, I've really begun to appreciate things as far as life is concerned over an MBA and is not something that seems hard enough to look for.

But of late, I see him wandering all over the campus. And. he does not walk alone. There's this girl. She is a knockout—just like one of those effortlessly beautiful girls who appear to have everything so together. It is rather impossible not to notice how they seem to spend so much time with each other.

At first, I tried to convince myself they were just friends. Maybe they're working on a project; maybe they share the same classes. Who am I kidding? The way they laugh, the way he looks at her—it's hard not to read into it.

What am I doing anyway? Why give a rat's behind whether they're friends or more? Besides, how in the world would Tanmay and I ever have anything? Just some foolish crush, was it not?Maybe it is time I forgot this crush. Crushes come and go, right? And honestly, what was I even thinking? It's not like I was ever going to tell him anything. We probably never even had a full-on conversation outside of a friendly hello or any other group discussion, for that matter.

But then. Why does it bother me so much to see him with her? Why is there a little knot in my stomach every time I see them together?

Should I move on? Should I just decide this chapter—this little fantasy I'd had in my head—is over? It's not like it's going anywhere. He doesn't even know I exist in that way.But, on the other hand, does it hurt to hold on a little longer? I am not planning my life for this. It is just innocent. A trivial distraction perhaps.

I don't know. Perhaps I'm afraid to let go of this crush simply because it somehow makes life feel a little less, well, full. It's nonsensical, isn't it? But, however that is all, there's something inside me not wanting me to let go—even though I probably should.

Ugh, stupid. I have so much to pay attention to: internships, classes, my real future. And each time that I see them, I am reminded in a nagging little ache how even the dumbest crush, now and then, seems more than it ought.

Maybe tomorrow I wake up and feel like just wanting to move along or just forget about it. Let it papass;ade organically. Does not time sort of clear stuff out?