The Pink-haired Conqueror

There are moments in your life when your mind tells you that you are making the wrong choice, but not what the right choice is.

Life is, after all, not a visual novel; there might not even be such a thing as a right choice to begin with. This leads to those moments, those numerous stars in someone's memory, where they can only yell into their pillow when they think back on it.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHHH!!!"

For Noah, that day was such a day.

Earlier, he wrote a request to his maid—a request asking her to pat his head every day after training—and just remembering it was killing him.

A pat on the head? Seriously?! Was that all he could think of?!

He could still remember her awkward expression as she agreed.

"Wah… She is so… desperate…" is what she probably thought!!!

Sure, he was somewhat desperate, yes, but to show it so openly… he wanted to die again.

"Sigh…"

Well, he was also proud of himself for not giving in to his base instincts, though it was mostly because he wasn't courageous enough to do so.

Hm…

Thinking about it again, this was actually depressing him more.

–––

*knock**knock**knock*

"Mistress…"

*rustling of papers*

"Mistress Vasilisa? It is time to begin your training…"

A word crossed Noah's mind at that moment: pain.

Why didn't he ask for a day off? Like no training on Saturdays or something? A pat on the head—what a great idea…

He sat on his bed, his mind still foggy, but then, he noticed something: the sky was still dark outside.

"(Uwah… She isn't even waiting for 6 o'clock anymore? I should really have asked for a day off…)"

"I am coming in."

The door creaked open, and the maid stepped into the room with her usual food cart, but also a new implement.

"(A… wooden sword?)"

It seemed like it. Well, she did say the second part of his training would be more practical.

"Good day," began the maid. "Today we are starting with proper sword training. Since you learned the guards and the footwork, you need to learn the actual important part now—the Arts… I see you aren't ready yet? Do you want my help?"

"..."

Noah shook his head. Having her help him bathe and dress would be too much for him at this point—or at any point, to be fair. Besides…

*scribble**scribble*

"Hm? No, that won't do," replied the maid before he could finish writing his message.

"H-Huh?"

Noah raised an eyebrow. He didn't take her for someone so bent on appearances. All he was proposing was to proceed with the training first and then wash himself next. Was there something wrong with that?

"That is not an option," insisted the maid. "You cannot possibly head out in your current get-up. Please, prepare yourself, or I will have to do it for you."

"... Eh?"

–––

*KNOCK**KNOCK**KNOCK*

*KNOCK**KNOCK**KNOCK*

Heavy knocks resonated on Noah's private bathroom door.

"Mistress Vasilisa. Open the door."

Again, it was the maid, menacing to break the door with each knock. In fact, the strength she put into her fist as it hit the wood seemed inversely proportional to the motivation in her voice.

"N-NO!!!"

Noah, on the other hand, had a rather loud voice. He, who usually hated yelling, was expressing his unwillingness with newfound volume.

"Mistress Vasilisa, you can't possibly live inside your toilet. There's nothing to eat there…"

"I… I… er… I WILL EAT MY… N-NAILS!!!"

"Now that is ridiculous. Open the door. Don't you think you have spent enough time holed up in your room? This place is too small for proper training."

And so what? It was his small kingdom of absolute security! Why would he need to go and train outside, where he would be seen by those servants and that woman? Their hateful gazes on him during the rare occasions he went outside his room were enough to make him never want to cross paths with them again!

Especially that one—the head maid, Cécile. Whenever he saw her, he would feel the need to scratch his neck as if something sharp was stuck in it. Surely, his body was trying to warn him of something! This was Vasilisa's lasting advice for him!

*Crack*

The door made a noise it shouldn't have. As Noah turned to it, he saw his instructor pushing up her big round glasses.

"Oh, you are already in the tub… Thanks for making this easier…"

She approached him, the air around her becoming as thick as steel.

"W-Wait… A-AHHH!!! ARgHhh!!!"

And so, Noah's kingdom met a tragic downfall at the hand of Momotarou the Conqueror.

.

.

.

[I feel soiled.]

"Impossible. I took care of scrubbing every part of your body. You should be way cleaner than usual."

[...my dignity.]

"... Oh, why, I didn't mean to say that you don't know how to wash yourself. But look, aren't you cuter today, mistress?"

[Idiot.]

"I don't mind being called that, but what does that make you?"

Noah furrowed his eyebrows. This maid was as smug as usual, wasn't she? Maybe he should really have asked for something outrageous!

"Also, why are you clinging to me like that, mistress?"

*scribble**scribble*

[You made me leave my kingdom, oh pink-haired conqueror of the East! I shall be your prisoner-bride for now, but protect me at all costs you must!]

"... Sigh… Listen here, mistress… Your reference to the prisoner-bride tradition in the One's empire is appreciated, but…" she continued in a whisper, "We are in the middle of a hallway now. Clinging to me like that… don't you think it will appear a bit strange? You are like a child in her mother's skirt… think about your image."

Noah shook his head. First, this was just the empty hallway in front of his room; second…

*scribble**scribble*

[Do not worry.]

"Hm?"

*scribble**scribble*

[I am currently]

*scribble**scribble*

[Sexually harassing you.]

"W-What…?"

Noah scribbled a few more words, ignoring the maid's visible confusion.

[You can ask for more payment in compensation. Just let me use your rear end as a shield for now.]

"... What happened to you, mistress? Does your personality completely change when you leave your room or…"

The maid swallowed the rest of her sentence.

"Sigh… Well, I guess sexual harassment is in the job description…"

*scribble**scribble*

[RIGHT??!]

"But if you intend to do that…"

She pushed him away from her with such strength and yet gentleness that he couldn't stop her even if he wanted. She then put him beside her and took his hand and put it on her rear end.

"... do it the right way. See? That way you can walk by my side all the while groping me in front of everyone. You know, asserting your dominance and all that…"

"..."

Noah pulled his hand, his face beat red. What was this maid thinking?! Did she just allow him to do what he was thinking?! What was wrong with her?! He was only joking! He was just too afraid to meet the other employees! What was she proposing?! Wait, why was he afraid at first?! She was the real danger here!!!

"So? What will it be? Not going to grope le anymore?" she asked, staring down at him.

"..."

*scribble**scribble*

[Let's walk normally.]

"Oh... Hm, such a pity. So I can call you Vasilisa the Conqueror of the Two Mounds, now…"

"H-Hey! Q-Quit… er… uh…"

"Yes, yes. Let's go, mistress, we have a training to start."

Noah closed his mouth again, shame and embarrassment burning his face. He had decided—next time, he would definitely make her do something outrageous!