Chapter 15: Do you understand?

**Do you understand?**

[The Seed of Doubt]

After what felt like an eternity of travel, I finally stood at the familiar gates of Magnolia. The towering silhouette of the Fairy Tail guild loomed before me, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Should I... should I kick that door down?

Yes. This was the second time I found myself battling an intrusive thought—a curiosity that gnawed at my mind. What was it like to kick that door? To feel the rush of satisfaction as the wood splintered? Why did Natsu find such joy in it? A fleeting, almost primal desire tugged at my chest, but no. I shook my head. If I were to indulge such a thought, it would only tarnish the image of aloofness I had so carefully crafted.

I had already defined the character I wanted to embody. First, aloofness. A cool-headed demeanor. A man who remained distant, regardless of the camaraderie around him. I had my reasons. In my past life, I wasn't friendly—not in the traditional sense. Sure, I had friends, but I never let anyone close. Relationships? They were liabilities in a world where everyone had an agenda. 

Second, independence. Even with Makarov—someone who would go to war for his family—watching over me, I was not someone to be coddled. I needed no one to protect me. I wouldn't become a puppet, pulling at the strings of another's kindness.

Lastly... a conundrum. Should I become a sage of wisdom, spouting cryptic proverbs about the meaning of life? Or should I remain an enigma, a shadow whose motives remained shrouded in mystery? 

"Life is only meaningful if you find meaning in it." I sneered inwardly at the cliché. If Plato were here, he might drop dead from the absurdity. Better yet, I could channel the words of a greater mind. "Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile." — Albert Einstein. There. That was better.

"Certainly, the difference between the two is like night and day," I muttered to myself, rejecting my earlier thoughts. Changing one's persona was easy. But was it necessary? Could I really lose myself in a mask that didn't fit? No. I could be me. I *would* be me.

You can live free, or you can adopt a new way of life—but once you commit, there's no turning back. The worst part? Losing yourself in the process. I knew. I had been there before. The reason I watched *Fairy Tail* wasn't because of the girls or the exaggerated ideals. No. It was because of Mystogan, the solitary figure who entered the guild, put everyone to sleep, and slipped away without anyone noticing. His quiet strength, his mystique—it resonated with me.

Have you ever watched *Fairy Tail* and felt a strange, exhilarating connection? Like you were on the edge of something... cool? It wasn't about the superficial things. I wasn't influenced by what others thought was cool. No, I watched because I admired Mystogan's calm demeanor, his ability to control his environment without raising a finger. It wasn't about the girls or the flashy explosions—it was about the subtlety, the quiet mastery of his craft.

And if you think that reasoning is cheap, then you just don't get it. To put it simply: Have you heard of Bandura's Bobo Doll Experiment?

It proved that children learn by observing and imitating behaviors based on their environment. The idea was simple: *If you're surrounded by perversion, you'll inevitably fall victim to it.* Those who seek happiness in a world of darkness will find themselves corrupted by the very shadows they sought to escape. It doesn't matter how pure your intentions are at first; the longer you remain in that environment, the more the poison seeps in.

Loneliness. It's a killer. It drives you to the edge of madness, and soon, you're doing things you never thought possible. You start smoking, drinking, indulging in all the vices you swore you'd avoid. And at some point, you become something unrecognizable. It becomes a cycle—feeding off your insecurities, devouring your happiness.

But what can you do? You're just a child lost in the world, a victim of your circumstances. To them, you're nothing but a nuisance, a blip on the radar. To them, you're expendable. Your life has no value. Your death, though? That might matter. 

So what do you do when you've been consumed by the darkness, when you can't see the light anymore? You end it. You seek escape in the only way you know: *Death.* You convince yourself that reincarnation is real, that this life is just a passage to something better. You cling to that belief, knowing deep down it's a lie. 

And as you slip away, you feel fear. Regret. Not because of your decision, but because it was too late to turn back. You find peace in the chaos, an odd sense of solace in the destruction. 

"What am I doing again?" I asked, my voice hollow. I stood before the guild, feeling both empty and full at once. *I really want to kick that door,* I thought again, yet the desire was different this time—milder, less urgent.

But there was no need. I could feel Makarov's presence inside. He was waiting for me, so I stretched my hand toward the door, ignoring the temptation to act out. With a silent command, I cast *Dark Moment*—the world around me became still, as though time itself had slowed. The noise of the guild faded into nothingness, the chaos and laughter replaced by a suffocating silence. 

I pushed the door open gently, stepping inside, greeted by Makarov's warm gaze.

"I'm back," I said quietly.

"Welcome back!" He smiled, his voice brimming with a fatherly affection. "How was the mission?"

I tossed a pile of papers on the table, reports detailing the mission's outcome. "Everything is in there," I said, turning away. "By the way, President, I'm planning to train." I waved a nonchalant goodbye as I walked toward the door, undoing the hypnosis I had placed on the guild. The members immediately reacted, grumbling and muttering in frustration.

"Bastard!" Macao shouted.

"I'm gonna beat him up!" Gray declared, his shirtless body standing by the table, fuming.

But I ignored their banter, focusing on my goal—training. 

As I made my way to the forest, unaware of the watchful eyes upon me, I felt a presence lurking in the shadows. A figure, draped in a black cloak, stood at a distance, observing my every movement. His hands were pressed together in a strange gesture, a single eye gleaming from the center of his chest. 

A grin spread across his face. "The seed of doubt has been planted," he murmured, disappearing without a trace.

What he didn't realize was that I had already anticipated his game. His seed would not take root here.

**Forbidden Magic: Seed of Doubt** 

A lost, forbidden form of magic, the Seed of Doubt attacks the mind through memory. It begins as a harmless suspicion, a fleeting thought, but over time, it grows, festering until it consumes the target completely. The effects are insidious—victims unaware they've been struck, their minds slowly unraveling with each passing day. It preys on weaknesses, feeding on self-doubt, using past traumas to claw at the heart of the afflicted. The greatest danger? You don't even know it's happening until it's too late.

It's a deadly mental assault, one that twists perception and forces the mind to confront what it fears most. In the end, it erases the very notion of self-worth.

And yet, as dangerous as it is, it is not invincible. The answer to overcoming it lies in the simplest of truths: *Face yourself. Conquer your fear. And the tree of doubt will wither away.*

Even as I left for my training, I felt something stir deep within me. A sense of foreboding. This battle... was far from over.