1
Well, here we go again after... how many years?
Tatsumaki character design: monkechrome, look him up.
Fubuki character design: cutesexyrobutts.
We are going full horny with this one.
——————————————————
It sure is nice living in a world where superheroes and superpowers are real, right? Well, no, no the fuck it ain't. Heroes are cool and all, but people tend to forget one crucial fact about them. Every hero has a villain. And these villains don't fuck around.
First of all, some of them ain't even human. Monsters. Demons. Mutants. Assholes with a gun. Well, okay, that last one is human, but you get the point. This universe sucks major balls.
But our story takes place in one of the lightly populated areas of Z-City. Yeah, they really named their places using nothing but the alphabet. In one of the many urban areas, there is a small convenience store called Dollar Forest. The prices are cheap, the selection is small, but the quality is... yeah, it's not that great, but it's enough.
"Please come again."
And here's our main protagonist! His voice lacks the usual forced happiness of a cashier, hell, he sounds like he died yesterday, but that's just how life is for an average man living in an exceptional world.
His name is Kenshin, but most people just call him Ken or Kenny, but he hates the second nickname. He's an average man of average stature with boring brown hair and boring hazel eyes. Kenshin is simply boring and somewhere in his early twenties. For clothes, he wears a simple orange hoodie over a white t-shirt, dark grey jeans and some basic ass black shoes. And of course, he has his uniform on, which is really just a dark green apron draped over his hoodie with the white art of a forest on the front.
Now he's not BAD looking by any means, but in a world where a monstrosity like Pig God and "Prince Charming" Sweet Mask exist... yeah, he's right in the middle of the appearance spectrum.
"That'll be 4.99."
"For Mountain Jew?!"
"Yes."
This is Kenshin's daily life. Wake up. Head to work. Deal with customers who complain about prices all the time despite the items being relatively cheap compared to other stores, then head home and repeat. A boring life for a boring man. He really shouldn't have skipped out on those economy classes during university, but then again, where would he be then? Working at some big company? Doing 12-hour shifts? Fuck no.
"Please come again," Kenshin repeats himself for the hundredth time, his voice dreary and devoid of life as the last customer walks away.
His dead eyes slowly travelled to a clock on the wall, idly ticking by. It showed the time—who would've fucking guessed—and a small sigh of relief washed over Kenshin's mind. Just five minutes before closing time. Five minutes. What kind of a psychopath would go to a store five minutes before it closes anyway-
"Excuse me."
God fucking dammit.
"Welcome," he greeted, trying not to grind his teeth together as HOPEFULLY, the last customer of the day strolled up to the counter.
Kenshin fought back the groan when he recognised the person. It was that bald guy again. Shiny ass head that could melt ice cream by reflecting sunlight, goofy-looking yellow suit with a white cape, yeah, it's him alright.
Now, the person, whose name Kenshin didn't know or care about, wasn't a bad person. At least as far as Kenshin knew. He was just REALLY fucking annoying. The man always came around during closing hours to get a discount on food and always had at least a few coupons on hand, sometimes they were even expired.
With all the enthusiasm of a dead fish, Kenshin scanned the man's items. The cheap, discounted stuff as usual, how unsurprising and honestly understandable. Then came the time to ring up the man's coupons, and boy Kenshin knew he wasn't closing by the earliest time he could. Where do you even get ten coupons that can stack?
That was a genuine question, he could use a 40% discount like this bald guy...
"Sir, you can't use two different kinds of coupons in conjunction," yeah, the bald man had even more coupons.
"Eh?" the funnily dressed Mr Clean looked to have the same emotional range as a rock, "Really?"
Kenshin wanted to say, "Yes, just leave," but this guy was at least tolerable when his precious coupons were denied... unlike certain others...
"Story policy, we can only accept one kind of coupon at a time," stoically replied the clerk.
"Oh," the bald man looked disappointed but certainly not angry, "Okay."
Kenshin scanned the coupons he provided, and the items, and totalled out the man's bill shortly thereafter. That was the extension of their interaction, and they did this daily. Neither knew the other person's name, hell the bald man probably didn't even remember Kenshin after all this time because of how plain he was.
That or he simply didn't give a flying fuck.
"Please come again."
And so the weirdly dressed bald guy walked off, he was probably a hero or something, but Kenshin didn't really care about that. He barely followed what heroes did these days with how much news of their escapades there are daily. Well, except maybe Tatsumaki. Being attractive, cute, and having a fat ass with overpowered abilities certainly played a role in that.
Anyway, time to close up the shop-
CRASH!
OR MAYBE NOT!
Glass, stone, and some other forms of debris flew into the small store with enough force to throw the cashier against the back wall. The counter provided some protection, but enough sharp and hard pieces of trash found their mark and he was in a world of pain.
Several glass shards and a few stones stabbed into his body in—hopefully—non-lethal places as blood rapidly escaped through the wounds.
"...Ugh..." Kenshin groaned, not even bothering to pick himself up from the ground, that would be a bad idea given his injured state, "What... the fuck...?"
"BLUBLUBLOOOB!"
A weird sound came from the general direction of the explosion. It sounded like... well, it sounded like someone making fish noises while underwater. It was incoherent gurgling.
The adrenaline kept Kenshin conscious through the pain, even if barely. The edges of his vision were rapidly darkening but that was the least of his worries now. The wrecked counter then disappeared. More accurately, it was picked up by a giant, muscular and very human arm.
However, the monster that picked it up was... well, actually it was mostly human. Kind of. It had the body of a human, legs, torso, and arms, all jacked to perfection, but the head was that of a fucking goldfish.
It was also only wearing a Speedo, the freak!
"...What in... the actual... fuck...?" words failed Kenshin as he tried to comprehend the goofy monster design in his pain-overloaded brain.
One might think his wounds were superficial, but that was hardly the case for a normal human. His back hit the wall pretty hard, his body was covered in cuts, bruises and a few stabs, and his ears were ringing.
This is far from an ideal situation.
"BLOOBBLUBLOOB!"
Was the fish trying to talk to him? It looked like it was, but he understood fucking nothing of its weird language. What a joke. Imagine being killed by a fish with the body of a human bodybuilder. Because of course, that's how a normal man would die. By a fucking fish. Truly, life is one big cruel joke-
SMASH!
The fish monster barely managed to take a small step towards Kenshin's heavily bruised body before another powerful shockwave hit the store. Mercifully, he didn't go flying this time. Hell, he all but accepted his fate here.
Fortunately... fate is not always a whore.
"Yo."
The bright yellow suit and white cape heralded the entry of his saviour. That shiny, almost blinding bald ass head instantly gave away who it was. It was the bald coupon hero!
The fish monster was nowhere to be seen, the only remnants of its existence being Kenshin's injuries, the damage done to the store, and the puddle of blood right next to the bald hero. His red-clad fist was literally smoking, how his outfit managed to withstand that amount of force was beyond Kenshin's understanding, or how this random bald guy struggling to buy food even got so strong.
"Ah, are you okay?"
What a dumb fucking question.
"N-... No..."
And then he blacked out...
——————————————————
Life could be a dream~ Shaboom~ Shaboom~
——————————————————
Kenshin's eyes groggily opened to bright white light hanging above his head, his body strangely numb, yet the phantoms of the pain he felt were still there. A slow, rhythmic beeping sound alerted him to the heart monitor next to him.
"Hospital..."
That's where he was. In hospital. In a small, overtly white room that reeked of that iconic sterile smell, just like a dentist's office. Kenshin hated that smell, but it felt oddly comforting now, knowing that he was alive thanks to some doctor's efforts. His body was covered in bandages that peeked from below the usual butt-ass naked hospital gown, his clothes probably unrecoverable from the damage they took.
Such a shame... he quite liked looking like a South Park character...
Honestly, what a fucking day. If it even was still the same day. He not only most likely lost his work and his only source of income, but also his clothes and almost his life. Kenshin idly wondered what happened to that bald hero after he passed out, he should buy him something the next time he saw him.
The male sighed, the action drawing a light tang of pain from his wounded chest, the painkillers doing their job but just barely.
He didn't look forward to seeing the hospital bill...
Would his insurance even bother covering the expenses? Healthcare CEOs, am I right?
Kenshin very tenderly moved his neck about, trying to get more comfortable on a pillow, when something quite strange, peculiar, or dare I say, bizarre happened.
"What the fuck...?" those words were quickly turning into his favourite catchphrase of today.
◇──◆──◇──◆◆──◇──◆──◇
>[Name]
Kenshin
>[Age]
Irrelevant, legal.
>[Ability List]
Compulsive Gambler [N/A]
-In combat: roll a d20, the higher the number, the greater the critical strike, however, low numbers run the risk of the attack outright missing.
-Out of combat: play a variety of minigames at the cost of currency or items, each giving special rewards. The greater the risk, the greater the possible reward~
Perfect Self [EX+]
-View and edit personal attributes portraying to one's physique and even luck.
>[ATTRIBUTES]
Strength: F-
Stamina: F-
Speed: F-
Charm: C
Ability: B
Luck: EX+
◇──◆──◇──◆◆──◇──◆──◇
It was a floating fucking panel doxxing his physical status.
Now, in his world, this kind of shit wasn't particularly rare, or, well, having weird abilities wasn't. Heroes were a dime a dozen, sometimes they were just weird people in weirder costumes, and sometimes they had some busted superpowers.
Kenshin supposed that this was supposed to be his unique ability. How or why it made itself known barely registered when he looked over what it said. Damn, he really was worthless when it came to anything outside of luck.
But was he really lucky? If that luck stat refers to real-world luck then it was a lie. If he was lucky he wouldn't be in a hospital, he would own a mansion and have Tatsumaki in a bunny girl outfit twerking on his lap!
Then the ability list caught his eye. The status thingamabob was self-explanatory, even if he couldn't figure out how for the life of him to increase his charisma with sheer force of will. It also didn't work like a typical gamer system, like the ones he saw in those Manhwa.
He figured that out quickly because there were no quests. No gacha. Well, no, wrong! There was that one other ability he saw on the list.
"Compulsive Gambler?" well, that certainly sounded... unique.
It didn't appear to be a busted summoning banner by any means like in gacha games. It was just... "bet something, get something" kind of thing. He wasn't a casino freak by any means, he had no money for it and actual intelligence to recognise it as a scam.
Yet, it wouldn't hurt to test out his luck, right? Maybe he'd get something good!
Except there was one issue... he had nothing to gamble with. It didn't specify that he had to own the item, but he wasn't going to gamble away hospital equipment! They probably had cameras anyway...
A-And they saved his life! That was just immoral! Yeah... totally...
"...I hate and love my life..."
——————————————————