Crab Therapy

Barns keeps to himself for the rest of the day, but as sun begins to lower over the tropical kingdom of Dimartino, he finds his way to the throne room.

As he pushes open the heavy doors, he sees Clancy is perched on his throne, surrounded by voluptuous women in promiscuous maid outfits. Clancy stares directly ahead as the women soap up his shell, giving him a sponge bath on the throne. A third woman is polishing his pincer claws.

"He he he…oooh! Naughty crab!" one of the women laughs, spanking him playfully. He pats her on the behind with his claw, making a guttural noise from his foam-hatch.

"Can we have the room, ladies?" Barns asks. 

"BARNACLES CAN HAVE CLEAN TOO."

"I'm good, King." he says, forcing a smile. Truthfully, the death earlier was still on his mind. What good was saving people if he couldn't protect them once they've arisen?

The ladies linger for a moment before they collectively gather their things and scamper out of the room, leaving their foamy buckets behind.

Clancy slides off the wet throne and scuttles over to Barns, looking him over in his unique way.

"PROSTITUTES LATER. MANY PROSTITUTES. KINGDOM IN DEBT. CAN LEND YOU ONE."

"Hey, King," Barns starts. "I've been having a rough day. Sorry if I'm not in the mood for the jokes."

"JOKE?"

Clancy shifts around, facing different directions as he considers what to say. 

"IDEA. CANCEL WHORES, PLEASE BARNS. IDEA. SECRET DECOMPRESSION ISLAND."

"Hm?" Barns asks, curious for elaboration.

"SCUTTLE ISLAND HOME. WEST, BIG ISLAND. MANY MONSTERS. KILL KILL KILL. FUN."

Barns realizes what Clancy is trying to say. How could he have forgotten? When he was younger, Clancy used to swim to an island nearby when he wanted to 'BLOW STEAM' and eat some kobolds or other monsters. 

"Are you suggesting we go on a killing spree to make me feel better?" Barns smiles.

"MAYBE A LITTLE BEHEADING TOO?"

"No beheadings. I want to resurrect as many of them as possible."

"ONE OR TWO."

"Okay, you can behead one monster," Barns yields. 

Clancy scuttles near the throne and grabs a rope hanging from the ceiling. He tugs it a few times and a loud chime rings out.

"RESCHEDULE WHORES!" he commands. Hopefully someone on staff can hear him.

"Wait, we're heading out tonight?" Barns makes a face. "It's almost sunset, King!"

"SPEND NIGHT ON SCUTTLE ISLAND. NOSTALGIA."

The suggestion throws Barns for a loop. Clancy wasn't normally a sentimental crab, but something about it feels right. Barns misses Scuttle Island, too. Compared to his responsibilities now, his golden days on the island feel like a lost paradise.

"That sounds perfect."

The pair head down to Dimartino's town, arriving shortly after the sun sets. In the darkness, they hop into the water, and Clancy takes off like a motorboat, a steady stream of foam propelling them into the quiet sea.

"Hey, Clancy, how are we going to get all those people back to Dimartino?"

"BIG BOAT."

"Of course," Barns laughs. 

'Not like we have one of those. Dimartino only has canoes that are still in commission.

They'd figure it out. They had monsters to kill - and humans to resurrect. As they jet further and further into the sea, a party of confused prostitutes arrive at the throne room to find it devoid of crab. There is one person inside, however. The former king.

"Well, hello ladies," he chuckles. "What brings you here this evening?"

Elsewhere in the castle, Maria is sitting with the former queen, enjoying some tea and bread. The two women are relatively quiet, exchanging small pleasantries but not much else. 

Maria swirls her teacup around, staring into the ceramic. Just a sip or two left of tea for her.

"Have you still not spoken to Barns?" Maria wonders quietly. 

"I've not much to say to him. I gave birth to a child with no soul, born from a loveless marriage of convenience. Truth be told I was relieved when we first sent him away. When we received news his ship had been destroyed at sea, I grieved in my own way."

Maria mulls over her stepmother's indifference. "I understand why you feel that way. You and dad…" 

She sets her teacup down on a saucer, remembering the day they all traveled to this world. It had been seventeen long years for Maria - having never turned into a monster, she lived through it all. She was a young girl back then.

Maria was running from an abusive home and vile parents. Her step-parents were strangers to her back then, an odd couple bickering in the street. It was only when Maria grew up several years later that she learned her parent's secret - her mother and father had a one-night-stand and she ended up pregnant with Barns. 

Her stepfather tried to make it right by offering to raise the child with her - a small comfort that ultimately meant nothing. When they were hit by the truck that sent them to this world, they had nothing but each other. So they formed a family, no matter how unlikely or unwanted it was - it was better than nothing.

They quickly took over the kingdom of Dimartino with their advanced technological knowledge, ousting the former royals and bringing order to a land of uninhibited pleasures. Their glory as the royal family would be short-lived, however, as the apocalypse would begin not long after. 

Maria's eyes flicker. There was one other person with them, back then. His name was Lauren. 

Maria never found out what became of Lauren after the apocalypse, but one day early on, she met Osmond's sister Francois. Francois Lauren Villeteux. 

The Princess wants to believe more than anything that the name is a coincidence and not a trophy. But she held her own doubts. If Lauren had become a monster, perhaps he could be revived.

But just maybe, the real Lauren is still out there somewhere. He was a rock for her in the early years - Like an older brother or a cool uncle. 

Part of the reason she agreed to join Barns was due to a foolish hope that she might see Lauren again someday.

Maria finishes her tea, rising from the table. "Well, thanks for the chat, mom," she murmurs quietly. "Hey. Please give Barns a chance, okay? He doesn't have to be your son, but he saved your life. You owe him that much."

On that note, she leaves her stepmother to ruminate in silence.