Chapter Forty-Three

"So, can you recall what happened that day?"

The patient gave the psychiatrist a slightly terrified look. However, I can see in the eyes of the patient the resolve. The resolve to finally let it all out.

"You see... it was just supposed to be a small get-together with his friends."

I listened intently to the story of today's patient as I jotted down some important notes. I wasn't exactly in the therapy session. Actually, I was in an observation room behind a mirror unseen by the patient as she... or rather he shared his trauma with my psychiatrist-mentor.

After I graduated from college, I looked for a job in the Psychology field. After sending over twenty applications, I finally got a call from a medium-scale psychiatric hospital. They hired me as an assistant to one of the hospital's senior psychiatrists, Dr. Marquez.

I worked hard for over a year. Luckily, it paid off when the hospital management advised that I should study to become a clinical psychologist. By the next academic year, I will go back to school again to take my Master's degree. The management promised to pay half my tuition as long as I continued working for them.

I couldn't say no to such an opportunity so I grabbed it. However, since there were four months left before school started, I continued to work full-time as an assistant to Dr. Marquez. However, Dr. Marquez is not only my superior, he is also my mentor now. That is why he always asks me to observe his talk therapy sessions.

However, this particular session is a bit extraordinary. The patient is a transman who transitioned because he was gang-raped. During the previous session, he expressed how much he hated being born as a woman. He was disdained with the idea that women are so weak and powerless against men. He didn't like how women can be easily abused and he doesn't want to experience that again. That is why he decided to change his sex.

Hearing his story reminded me of someone. Someone who changed drastically after experiencing something traumatic. However, I set that aside for a while and focused on our current patient.

In this session, he is now tearfully recounting the traumatic experience that changed his life. It turned out that the people who did it were his then-boyfriend and his friends. They got him drunk and had their way with him. It is plain to see in his expressions how uncomfortable he is. However, as I said, there was resolve as well. He really wants to leave this behind and move on.

The session went on until it was time for the patient to go. I let the patient leave first before I came out of the observation room.

"So, Cyrus, what are your thoughts on this session? Do you have any questions?" Dr. Marquez asked after drinking a cup of water.

"I do. I just want to ask..."

I gave my questions and Dr. Marquez answered them clearly. He also goes the extra mile to explain certain therapy techniques. He has a very clear way of explaining things which is why I feel like I'm learning a lot in a short amount of time.

Learning under him made me able to finally understand certain areas that I didn't get when I was studying. It is really great if your teacher is someone who has a lot of experience in the profession. Sadly, most teachers in the Psychology Department of my previous university are teachers by profession, meaning they are experts in the Education field of study, not in the Psychology field of study. Lucky for me, I now have an experienced mentor who can help me learn more about my profession. I only hope my professors in my Master's degree program are like Dr. Marquez.

After Dr. Marquez answered my questions, I decided to open up about the situation of the person I know.

"Dr. Marquez, I actually know someone that seems to have the same case with this patient."

"Oh, really. Tell me about it." Dr. Marquez answered as he set down the cup of water he just drunk from.

"Well... she's a lesbian. She used to be very girlish and even had a boyfriend according to her family member. But then, a series of tragic events occurred that caused her to change. After she recovered from her depression, she began dating women."

"Hmm... there are indeed similarities. What were those traumatic events?"

"Well... first, her parents died in a car crash. Then, I think after a month, her best friend died. Soon after that, her boyfriend also died in an accident. It all happened in a span of a few months that she wasn't able to fully recover emotionally before the next tragedy occurred."

"So... after those tragedies, only then did she become a lesbian?" Dr. Marquez asked for clarification.

"Yes."

Dr. Marquez became silent for a bit as if he was deep in thought. Then, he began to speak again.

"Something doesn't add up."

"You mean, you think her change came out of nowhere?" I asked.

"Yes... traumatized women who turn to lesbians or change their sex usually have severe experiences with the opposite sex. The death of her loved ones is indeed traumatic but it isn't enough for her to switch genders."

"Doctor, do you mean that her turning into a lesbian is not correlated to her traumatic experiences?"

"That is not what I meant exactly. I think they are correlated but there are just some missing pieces. Maybe this friend of yours didn't tell you everything. Perhaps... maybe there is more to the story than what she had told you."

"There's more to it?"

"Yes, maybe you should ask her for more details."

Ask her?

"Uh... okay. Maybe I will... when I get the chance." I answered knowing full well that this chance has a high possibility of not coming around.

"Okay! If there's nothing else, you should take your lunch break now." Dr. Marquez said as he ushered me out of the session room.

I said my thanks as I closed the door behind me. I went to the office room to get my phone and my wallet in the drawer of my desk. I also brought my water bottle with me. Then, I head out towards the nearest fast-food restaurant.

As I was waiting in line for my turn to order, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out to see the message. It was Ryan asking me about my whereabouts. It must also be his lunch break. I replied to his text and as I pressed send, it was already my turn to order.

The session earlier kind of ruined my mood affecting my appetite as well. So, I decided to order a clubhouse sandwich. After I got my order, I headed out and walked until I found the empty bench that I had been sitting on for the past few months. It isn't far from the restaurant and it is located across the road from the hospital. It overlooks the Manila Bay which was always an amazing view for me.

Even though it was noon, the weather was cloudy so it didn't feel too hot. I began to eat my lunch which disappeared immediately after a few bites. After drinking water, I just sat there on the bench staring at the vast Manila Bay. I wasn't really thinking of anything. I was just having blank thoughts as I looked at the bay waters. That is probably why I got startled when someone patted my back.

Who could it be?

I turned around and saw a woman who looked like she was just around my age.

"May I take a seat on the bench?" She asked while inclining her head to the left.

"Ah... of course," I said as I scooted to my right

"Thanks." She replied.

She moved in front of the bench and took a seat in the space I provided. Because of this, I am able to take an even better look at her from head to toe. She's kinda cute. However, that wasn't what captured my attention. It was the situation... it's like...

"Uhm... is there something wrong?" the girl asked with a confused expression.

"Oh! I'm sorry. Was I staring?"

"Yeah... just a little bit." She said while smiling at me awkwardly.

Damn it! I was so caught up in my thoughts that I forgot to look away.

"I'm sorry I was just too deep in thought. I didn't realize I was rudely staring."

"It's okay."

We were silent for a bit. But my gut tells me that it will not last... and I was right.

"So... do you live around here?" She asked.

I looked at her with a slight surprise.

"No," I answered.

I wasn't surprised that she spoke to me. I was surprised by how this conversation started.

"Oh! Are you waiting for someone here?" She asks again.

What? Really?

"No," I answered. As I did, I remembered one particular moment in my life when I was asked the same question by a then-stranger.

"Oh, I thought you were also waiting for someone here." She said slightly embarrassed.

She's also waiting for someone??? At this point, I can't deny the sense of déjà vu in this situation.

"So, you're waiting for someone?"

"Yes."

"Is it your boyfriend or girlfriend?"

The woman stared at me with wide eyes.

"What?" she asked looking at me as if I was a weird person.

"The person you're waiting for... is it your boyfriend or girlfriend?"

"Oh... You really meant to ask that. It's my boyfriend. I'm a straight woman. What made you think I'm dating a girl?"

Oh... thank, God! If she happens to be waiting for a girlfriend, I might have looked for a table to flip it. This déjà vu would have been too much!

"I was only being considerate... just in case."

"Oh!" she exclaimed with realization.

"Anyway, is your boyfriend the jealous type? Will he be fine seeing you talking to a guy?"

"Yeah, he's pretty chill... oh, and there he is! Nice chatting with you. Bye!"

The girl didn't bother to hear my reply as she rushed off immediately towards her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, the one she was running towards, spotted her and smiled. I looked at them as they hugged each other. It was a sweet scene but my single bitter self can't help but feel envious.

"Oh? Too bad she already got a boyfriend."