091. About sex, 1

(Rose)

I have to leave them. I can't wait. For their safety, I have to leave before this thing within me that I hate takes over.

The sooner being the better, I just run away right then. Forget the book. It's not worth what I could become.

Under that nice clear sky, in this quiet neighbourhood, the monsters from before seem like merely a fantasy.

Still my head hurts and I walk fast. I have to go far enough from them so I can't do something I wouldn't be able to live with.

A few minutes of peace pass.

I could almost forget the wild thoughts that assaulted my mind like a disease not so long ago.

And yet, I hear Ann calling my name just a minute after.

I'm entering the next field, and she's behind me, telling me to come back.

I can't escape her and preserve my strength and stamina at the same time. So I stop, and try my best to control myself.

I hear the demon laughing again, I think.

Ann reaches out to me. As she touches my arm, I want to jump on her and bite her throat. I don't. I'm proud of me.

She asks me why. I can't tell the truth. I can't stand her squeaky voice or sorrowful face. Why does she always look like she bears all the sadness in the world?

I chose an easier answer. A monster worse than the others is after me, insidious and dreadful.

She doesn't believe me. Oh, why does she have to be smart now of all times? I'm cornered.

I yell it to her.

R - I'm the monster!

And I cry as I realise it. She tries to sooth me and my suffering with motherly kindness. Holding me, caressing my hair like for a child. It infuriates me too much.

I grab her and throw her against the ground violently. I'm going to kill her I think.

I want to strangle her, to hear moan in agony, so much..

~

I get over her on all four. I feel the weight of the monster behind me. It feels as if night had fallen already. I can't see anything but her right there. Everything else is gone in darkness.

I think I just giggled. I'm so excited right now, even though I feel so bad...

She still looks sad and sorry. She's not fighting me. My fingers brush her lips and her slender soft neck. It's so soft, so sweet to touch. I want her. I want to die on the spot.

I rip her dress. I just want to see more of her skin. She tells me softly she wouldn't still be alive if it weren't for me. I don't know what she's trying to do but it doesn't work.

I don't like looking at her chest. It shocks me seeing her breasts. I panic and begin to tear up. I'm such a worthless being.

I can't. I want. But I don't want to. I'm lost with them. I must go before I really lose it.

I tell her that. She listens. I don't understand her.

I tell her, what I saw, what I did. That I wanted to hurt and kill them. That I wanted to feel powerful and pleasure, by raping them... I don't expect her to understand. I just want not to turn monstrous. I tell her that I want to rape and strangle her to death. Now she at along last looks a bit scared.

She tells me something weird, still looking sad and kind.

A - That Victoria, I thought she was your child...

She saw her too. She fought the same demon too. She heard it too behind her. Maybe I'm not insane? I'm not that optimistic yet. Something is lying to confuse us...

Her telling me this makes something shift suddenly within me. All kindness and empathy vanishes and my face turns cold. I can feel that ice, that cold blooded hatred now expressing itself. It's over.

Before I realised it, I was strangling her.

~

My hands are pressing onto her neck. Her voice has become shallow. It's such a pleasure. At long last! I can fill myself with that feeling, that pressure under my hands. I've felt so lonely. It's so pleasant, I want to gobble her, to absorb her all. Her scent, the touch, her moans growing fainter. I love her. Goodness, I've lost it. This pleasure makes me dizzy. I'm possessing her, and it warms more that the most boiling tea and soup. At last I shut her up, and touch her. My womb is churning. I've never felt this good.

I release my grasp and kiss her. I hate the taste of meat, but I love the touch. She's breathing heavily now, but at least she's not talking or screaming anymore. I kiss her neck. I like the sound of her difficult breathing. She's so powerless now. I bite her lips, her tongue. It's soft. That's what I was looking for for so long. That softness, that warmth.

I straightened my back and set my hands ready to strangle her again.

One of her hands stops mine. She asks with a cuter voice to wait. I liked it.

Her other hand touches me. It makes me shiver. She's touching my deepest part.

She's doing what no one else did before. What I wanted to feel, she gives it to me.

I lose all strength and fall against her. I expect her to seize the chance and turn against me at last. She doesn't. She keeps caressing me where it feels the best.

I'm losing it, but for the first time it feels good.

Was I too young or too old?

I moan, unable to move and powerless. And I cream soon after, as her fingers are caressing the melting inside of me. I've lived so frustrated, and I'm releasing it all. All my suffering from home, from here, from the darkness.

I don't understand why she isn't killing me. I truly don't understand her at all.

I finally feel warmth and pleasure, and pass out.

~

I'm sleeping. I wake up. I think the demon did not like one bit that turn of events.

We were supposed to kill each other. Not... That.

F - That demon, it tempted everyone one way or another. And we were all too shameful and powerless to speak.

Fruya is telling me that as I sit on the bed. She came to carry me once more. That demon spoke to her too. It probably did for Alan... It wants us to release our impulses at each other, until we actually kill each other.

That thing... Is playing with us... Is there any more lie?

That shapeless evil got behind us all. With different faces, names, and voices. Only to bring up and worsen the worst of us.

I can't believe what I've done. And what Ann has done to me...

Frustration. Pain. Fear. All that, for some pleasure.

I'm feeling wrecked more than anything. Why is this happening to us?

~