130. Rose new world, 3

(Rose)

Came a time of reminiscence, as I was waiting for sleep to com, by another campfire.

Looking back at everything that came to me. Looking back at everything that came to be.

Where I came from, pondering what truly sparked this bizarre turn of events leading up to me being here that night.

Maybe it begun when I was a child, with my father reading bed times stories, long into the night...

When I was an infant, abandoned, and later adopted by my parents.

When I was born. Or when my mother was born.

Maybe even before... My unknown grandmother maybe. Or even before her time.

When more spirits were known to wander the land perhaps. Lives come and go. History and time flow, arbitrarily setting beginning and ends to any story.

Mostly, it all began when I arrived in this world... But not entirely. There was something prior too, I can't quite put my finger on.

I expected to arrive in a town closer to home. I was abandoned without warning into an unknown and ominous environment. Truly a place of damnation at first, hosting unspeakable horrors, torture, blood everywhere up to the ceiling and a poison in the air that brought the worst of us.

Things Blume tells me were not of her doing.

And I've seen it true, it's the world itself that is different. But back then, she didn't manage to speak to me.

I swam in that horror. I ate it. I participated in it. My life was at stake and my sanity at bay, like everyone else.

I killed, everything alike. I killed and tried to, in order to survive, in anger, hatred or merely panic.

I stained myself body and soul beyond any possible salvation in this frightening new world, in a matter of very few days. Things that would haunt me now and forever.

The flowery lady I idealised myself to be, turned into a monster not unlike the ones I killed or read about in the past.

Welcome to this bright new world...

I still can't get to process all of it.

~

The sun rose again. The sceneries of the countryside were as peaceful as could be now. Everything was quiet.

As if it all had been naught but a bad dream. Though I was still covered with wounds and a lingering smell of other people's blood on me.

Before it all happened, all I wanted to do, was going home... The only place I knew a little more in this new world. The place where I arrived, when things went seriously wrong.

I went back to investigate about what might have happened to the poor old world of mine, if not only myself. And eventually to face the thing responsible for my misery, if it were to exist.

And to face my own sins since I lost my way home.

I still need to address my sins and crimes.

For the world change, it wasn't her fault. She was only... An opportunist. She took advantage of the world changing anew, to bring me to her. Well, almost to her.

She couldn't move by herself. And she didn't bring me to her as I could believe, as much as she created a copy of me in the past, along with all my surroundings. Her explanations were confusing, and come altogether with the fact that she was not yet a conscious and intelligent being yet when she started that work of copying a bit of reality, in 1925.

And as I was sparked into existence along with an entire train, and its momentum, I drifted away from her as soon as I arrived, while she couldn't move by herself.

That demon responsible for all my misery was oddly powerless. Almost frail.

It had not been power, not in the godly or devilish meaning of it anyway. It had been patience. Years and years of patience, accumulated in centuries. Her wish took centuries to come to fruition in one sudden bloom. She had the powers of a plant, able to create something enormous over centuries, not of an animal able to run after its prey.

The reason why I was there, alive in a world I should never have seen, she told it to me while I was recovering in her arms. She talked a lot, even though I was asleep and badly wounded. She kept talking to me, telling me her reasons and her emotions.

Now that she could speak, and speak English, she just had too much to say...

I had spent my childhood, if not my previous life, hearing tales of mysterious djiins, faeries, demons and tanriça. Yet I don't recall hearing about one being quite like her.

I didn't expect a demon to be so sentimental, to a point where it reached childish or naive romanticism. It's hard to describe, but when the demon, because of whom you've lost some of your flesh and soul, tells it was love at first sight toward you, you get slightly creeped out...

You cannot believe a monster responsible for dozens of gruesome deaths that her only, only goal, was meeting you, all because she loved you...

~

Yet... Like a bad dream, the disgust felt at first slowly began to fade.

Well, I was actually dying so everything was fading.

She had felt hopeless, guilty and still quite childish on other aspects. She was like a child trying to work something too complex, and witnessing the disastrous results of her power used with ignorance.

Almost as much as I was driven for my homecoming, no matter what happened, her early interest in me grew to define who she is entirely.

She was barely more than an invisible seed in my time. In a world that would never allow her to sprout and exist.

But for some reason, she saw something one day, once upon that time. Something inside a train, heading north. And a picture was taken. A structure to grow, meticulously. She grew over the desire to meet that which she had seen, and began to bring forth to existence again. Her awareness, her personality, it grew over that desire before she could even think or speak.

Why she spoke in German at first is another thing...

What matters is... I was an abstract part of reality, that meant everything to her, long, long before I came to be in this world. Because I was something alike a root to her very existence as she came to be. What or who I was didn't matter. She had no way to comprehend what was instinctively growing in her midst. But she gradually became curious about it. And she grew along with the wish to one day meet her daiûa...

~

When we panic, in chaotic situations, between dangers and opportunities, we make precipitate decisions and choices. Not always good ones retrospectively, and we have to live with the guilt afterward.

What else can I say about that time I still don't fully understand. Neither does she.

But in the end, I survived thanks to her.

 ~

What should I have done?

Freedom. For me, given by her. We're a strange team now, in a strange world I still barely know. I am free to live and go as I please.

I will enjoy my new life exploring at my gentle pace this endless place. We still don't know much of each other, but we're together in more ways than one. We have all the time the world to learn, discover, and understand each other. Her mind might actually be easier than mine to understand now, despite the odds.

For now, she's quiet, as I should be sleeping. We're still adjusting to each other, being so close all the time. Tomorrow, we'll chat.

~

Morning came and the sun rose again. I'm feeling alright.

We're greeting each other as if it already was the most usual thing in the world.

And so we went, together. Two odd flowers into the world.

~