261. About love, 6

(Rose)

Bleue let's go of my hands. They slowly fall along us and flat on the old mattress where I lie powerless.

Bleue brings her hands to her face to cry.

And she cries there, while still sitting over me.

My pain is greater, even if I can breathe a little again.

I feel like I lost you, and I lost all will to live.

I think I'll just wait here for the end of this miserable wretched life.

Bleue finishes crying and uncovering her face, notices that I'm still here.

She tries to say something that stays stuck in her throat.

Only a moan comes out.

Then cries again. Loud. Painful to hear.

R - I'm sorry...

B - No!

She yelled with a deafening anger. I saw a burst of pure hatred in her eyes for an instant. She may have hit me.

B - Don't ever feel apologetic again for me being sympathetic with you!

B - I love you! Wretch... When will you finally hear it... I want to suffer with you when you do... And when it will finally come to sex, I want you to enjoy it without suffering, as you did with Blume.

B - That monstrous past and nightmare may never fully vanish from you... But I want you to realise that you can differentiate what made it and what you want. What you are...

B - When you will feel the urge to vent, to kill, to release your wrath and to run in exhilarating war, I will help you. When you will feel lust, I will help you... And I will help you realise that the two are not the same. The monster within you, is not you, and more importantly, is wrong. It's something born from a misunderstanding of what love and everything can be...

B - I will be there to help you realise how wrong you are in your belief... Because of my love for you. Don't deny it again. You already know that you can enjoy peaceful and joyful sex. It's not because Blume had no human body to violate and hurt. It's because you managed for her whom you love, to keep separated what was wrong from what was right.

B - You softly loved her. You managed to be the real you, expressing only affection and making it bloom freely. You already did it once. Can't you see? You can be free!

I can?

B - You didn't realise didn't you? This relation you had proves that your nightmare is wrong. You can love without violence. You already did! This fear of love with humans, I will be there to help you overcome it. It will in time vanish like the ghost it essentially is. Because it never was rational, and because...

B - Because you love me... You love me so dearly. You always have. As your dear gentle sister of course. But even more. Far more. As your blue bird. I am your blue bird of happiness, aren't I? I always have been. You always had such light in your eyes when you looked at me. A brighter light than even father and mother could have.

B - You... When you were a child, you said you wanted to marry me. Di you remember? And then you did; you gave me our blue rose. Our loving vow was contracted tens of thousands of nights ago. It probably won't last as many more, but I want to keep it true as long as we can.

B - You may... You have been scared of sex to a frightening extent... I feel so sorry. However... I haven't. And to know that you had sex with others along your journey makes me jealous you know. Rightfully I hope. You're the one I've always loved. You're the one I always wanted. And I want you more than ever. I want all of you... Including your fears, your tears, your blood, your stains... And I also want your touch, your caresses and your kisses, as much as I want, and will, give you mines.

B - I know the blue rose was a faery tale too prude to even elude to earthly desires. It was a romantic tale and promise for young girls. Not that I disavow anything from it. I wouldn't dream of it. But we're adults now. And I find hard to believe that our previous selves died as eighty years old virgins. They died together as happy as could be, sharing their love beyond the blue rose as well. I'm sure of it. One of them must have revealed their feelings at some point. And whether your dark inner self never explored or was revealed do not matter to me. They overcame it obviously, and so shall we!

B - We're together now Rose. And I won't let you escape from either me, or my burning love.

She looked aside for a moment, to catch her breathe back and swallow. Also that line was embarrassing to hear, even for her.

B - Rose... What is there but life and happiness for us ahead? The world is almost just ours, and so are our lives. Let's enjoy it. We're adults now. Let's have fun. I will love you for all the time you spent alone, casted aside by destiny away from me. I will make it up for you I promise. I will love you for all the years passed and all the years to come.

B - I love you Rose. My sweet sweet sweet Rosemary.

B - I will accompany you and teach on that journey to accept our human bodies, without need for excessive or hateful violence. I know you love me with overflowing gentleness and kindness. I know that's who you want to be. It's who you always have been to me. It is who you are as well, even if you have contrary feelings or fears about it.

B - Rose... I love you more than you realise... And we can meet there. We can be happy together there. Will you do the first step toward that? Please?

My brain is mush. Can't think.

R - ... I... love you too Bleue...

~