324. Creating life, 3

(Rose)

I can't believe I'm going to do this...

Somehow, Bleue convinced me that we should try that as well. It's grotesque...

But sadly, it might work I think.

And by that I mean using the thing I'm not really at peace with, nor eager to see at work.

B - Oh, really.... Wouldn't it make sense to replace the life destroyed? You know, for karmic balance.

R - I hardly think creating new things using my... sperm... would replace the lives I've taken.

I feel gross just saying the word sperm aloud. But Bleue keeps twisting me and wrapping me around her little finger, twirling until my mind comes to agree to her will...

B - The wish stone is raw. Your seed is already efficient as a fertiliser, we've seen it. It's worth trying don't you think? Why should you be afraid since it won't cost you anything and is very low risk?

R - How can you feign innocence like that, asking this from me? You know why I'm reluctant!

B - Haven't your emotions settled down a little since? I thought trying to help you see a rational reason to act may be the better way to move forward.

I'm annoyed, but she now is as well.

B - I was a little shy to brush the emotional aspect but... Can't you accept it already? You're stronger than that now. And it's yours!

I feel murky. I know somewhere she's right. But touching my penis would still disgust me.

B - You can do it. And it won't help just our crops situation, it will also help you with this phobia. You will see it's not that bad or monstrous.

I still look unwilling to cooperate.

B - I can help you if you want...

I feel a shiver running along my back.

R - No. No thank you. Alright, alright... I'll do it. You damn succubus.

Even though it's ludicrous, from what we know and have come to learn about the current world, this may actually work. To my great shame and sorrow, truth can be as it is regardless of how gross I feel about it.

After innumerable sighs, I get to the task.

If something had been exciting sexually to me right now, it would surely have been easier.

I didn't want to, I wasn't excited at all.

It was more unpleasant and hurtful than anything.

It took me hours to get that penis to spit something. It just hurts and feel unpleasant.

I mixed what I got with some clear water and sprayed it over the test ground. We'll see if as we hope, something edible will grow there at unnaturally fast rate.

We'll see tomorrow. Meanwhile I went to wash myself with a long swim into the sea.

~

I travelled through the dead city on my own, carrying a bag of spare clothes and a piece of soap

I went toward what I call the beach.

Really it's just the park that is leaning slightly and goes into the sea along the light slope it makes. The entire city blocks there are leaning at the same angle.

The sand there is really just grey dust, as it comes from fragments of concrete from the collapsed buildings. And it's not sand, more like small pebbles and rocks.

It's funny to think that depending on where you go in the world, the sand can be of every kind of colours, from gypsum white to black slate. Here it's concrete grey.

I get myself naked and go in the shallow water carrying only the soap.

I wash away the last droplets of mucus stuck in the skin folds with some disgust.

I really have some resentment against Bleue for giving me that. What she did there...

Yet again, I brought her back to life, so I'm not one who should talk about committing unnatural sins and things to others.

And if there's one thing that Blume attempted to teach me, it's that the natural order of things doesn't care about what we could deem natural or not.

I just have to live with it, whether I like it or not.

That's more what the word natural should mean for us now.

As I look between my legs at my penis and testicles, I just feel sad.

Not that I was super fond of my vagina and womb, still there behind, but at least I was relatively at peace with them.

I sigh again, for the zillionth time today.

I head into deeper water to swim and change my mind from all that.

I swam to a distant building, towering like a nearby island over the sea. I reached it, tired. Then I rolled and began swimming back.

Bleue was waiting for me there.

She helped me wash my hair and tried her kind best to give me some solace, quietly. No teasing words.

It worked a little.

As we were walking back home, night was falling already.

We didn't talk much. She understood I needed some time on my own.

She only wished me good night when we went to bed.

It was genuinely kind.

~

The next morning, the first thing we did obviously, was going to the field to inspect the result.

And it worked. Superbly.

Goodness, why? A part of me wished it didn't.

I can picture Bleue giving me an amused tap on the shoulder while saying something stupid, along the lines of I know what I need to do now.

I will have nightmares of her trying to milk me now.

Tuberous plants have grown. Herbs have sprouted.

They develop their green colour much later as the daylight reaches them, but they grew in a heartbeat.

Mushrooms and small spring flowers as well, just like last time. These ones probably won't last.

B - You really are a goddess of fertility.

R - That's not something I had a particular lust to become. I thought the only way for me to create life was to bear children...

B - You can do so much more now. But let's have you rest over it first of all, alright? You did well Rose.

R - Thank you...

Bleue is inspecting the results very cautiously. I'm going for a walk in the woods that make the border of the south western steppes beyond. It's quieter.

~

These woods are light, but they still remind me a little of my childhood.

So it has a soothing effect on me.

After a while, I see a monster passing by.

Then after being startled, I recognise Ana, just walking there as I am.

The giant bird has come to enjoy taking morning strolls in the woods like I do.

R - Hello Ana

A - Rose

R - Nice morning?

A - Yeah.

R - Hm... How do you feel about creating life?

We're walking side by side as if she was a large dog. She stops there and looks at me more directly for a second. Her beak opens.

A - Ti's life.

Why am I trying to discuss philosophy with a bird? I'm laughing at myself now.

R - Thanks Ana.

I'll discuss it with Bleue another time instead.

~