008 • No. 463

"Did you miss me?"

If I can describe the feeling of wanting to gauge my eyes out and throw an absolute fit of sorts, I absolutely would right now. If this wasn't a pre-recorded video sent to me, I'd have a lot more to say than 'kind gestures'.

It's fine, it's fine! Just, uh—just hold out for a bit, yeah? Just listen, just listen to the yapping bastard...

"Izana, Izana, Izana... You're still chasing ghosts, aren't you? Still so desperate to sink your teeth into something that's already rotted away. You've always been like this—clinging to corpses, to memories, to things that don't even belong to you anymore. But tell me... does it ever stop hurting? That sinking, gnawing feeling in your gut when you realize you're always just a step too late? A second too slow?" A short chuckle, low and amused.

"I saw your handiwork back there. Messy, but you're getting better. A little sharper, a little meaner. But that won't bring them back, will it? No matter how many times you swing that blade and chains of yours, no matter how much blood you spill, Adiva is still dead. They're all still dead. And you? You're still just that same scared little girl running through the rain, screaming for help that never came."

I banged my fist against the coffee table beside me. The half-empty bottle and empty glass of whisky clanking in a short bounce from my 'minor' outburst. 

"YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" 

"Izana—!"

An audible whine was heard from Inei from how sudden my shouting was. That quickly pulled me back, and I did my best to lighten up a bit. But even so, I was still quite visibly tense and agitated. Shortly after, a rough, wicked laugh rang through the audio, reminiscent of those typical villainous moments. Almost as if he'd anticipated my little uproar, and had pictured it in his stupid head. There's a pause. A long one. Then his voice drops, quieter, almost affectionate—mockingly so, of course.

"You know... I thought about ending this game a long time ago. Killing you, putting you out of your pitiful misery. But where's the fun in that? Watching you crawl your way through the mud, tearing yourself apart just to get to me... It's too entertaining to stop now. So go on. Keep chasing. Keep fighting. Keep losing." A soft, almost regretful sigh. Was it real? Or is he mocking me again? Probably the latter...

"Try a little harder, Girl. Then, maybe I'll see you soon." 

The video message cut off there, and a bit of static was shown on screen. I just kinda sat there for a minute. Two minutes, give or take. 

What the hell do I do with that sort of information???!?!???

like— hello?? I can't even track where the damn message came from. And what he said about seeing my 'handiwork'.... That just confirms in my brain that those assailants after Zhang really were from Rune. 

Since that's the case, the next question is why? Why would he do something like that? What's he trying to gain? Or is he trying to gain anything? Is he just trying to wreak havoc??? All these questions lead back to one main one.

Why????

I ended up groaning audibly in irritation, scratching my head and messing up my hair. God fucking damn it, he's just taunting me again isn't he... that— UGH!!

A familiar feeling crept back up again. Hands grabbing at me, like they're pulling me somewhere. Eyes glaring at me, downcasted as if they're looking down at me... faint and near whispers. Ever present yet distant at the same time.

I don't really know what they're saying half the time. It's just loud sometimes, even if they're 'soft' and 'gentle' whispers. It just feels they're mocking me. Like someone placing a hand over your shoulder before promptly saying, 'you're a piece of shit' with a condescending smile on their face. Condescending. yeah, that's the right word. Conde—fucking—scending.

Aos's above, will they ever go away!?

"Izana!" 

Everything went away for a moment again. Like they're retreating back into the darkness while his familiar, automated-like voice dragging me right back into the present. It also helped a bit when Inei snuggled a bit close against me. Gently nudging his forehead — I think it's his forehead — against my cheek in hopes to make me feel better. 

I let out a short and quick exhale, gently pushing Inei's little face away from me and guiding him to lay on my lap again. It felt like I'd just exercised all day and just sat down to take a break. A quiet irritable sigh left my lips before I leaned my elbow against the armrest of my couch, leaning my temple against my knuckles. 

"You spaced out there for a bit..." He sounded like he wanted to say more, but cut himself off. Just allowing me to reply — if I wanted to — to his statement. I didn't say anything right away, letting my thoughts and nerves simmer before actually saying anything, otherwise my words would come out like a complete jumbling mess.

"None of this makes sense. I can't— I can't make sense of anything, quite literally. Like— why?? I don't get it. Why would he send assailants to Zhang, does Zhang know why? Why is he even here?? What's there to gain on his end, and more importantly, was he sending that message to me just to hopefully rile me up and send me into a fucking fit, or is there another meaning behind that?" I rambled for about a solid 30 seconds, speaking faster than a news reporter, or those warning statements after a drug advertisement. 

In the name of Ku, I feel like I've used all my brain juice for today.

I ended up groaning frustratingly, running my fingers through my hair with evident annoyance.

"Well..." Sora began, but it seems like he's got no ideas either. Who knew an artificial intellectual property could be completely speechless too. I know my brain is fried, so hopefully his hardware isn't. That'd be an expensive fix. 

Another groan slipped out of my mouth as I fully leaned back against my couch, my hands covering my face and just kinda.. sitting there for a minute... for once, my head's kinda empty. Aside from swirling thoughts of what Rune's message could mean, I've got absolutely no idea where to go from here. Do I just go on business as usual? Keep hunting bounties to gather information like I do, or... or what??

I feel stuck. Again. Back to square one. Maybe it has been like that for a while, after all, the only 'big' find I've had in a while was finding out that the name he went by when I first met him wasn't real. It was all just a fabricated story, and he's just a manipulative piece of shit. Taking joy in ruining people's lives while toying around with them in the process.

I hate, men like that...Men who think the whole universe is their fucking playground. Men who think the universe should cater to him, and him alone. Like he's god.

A quiet huff left my nose as I reached over to pour myself another glass of Whisky and downed it. Still just tastes like tangy apple juice... it sucks that I can't really get drunk off of this stuff. Vodka just tastes like spicy water, and other strong liquors from any part of the interastral region don't taste like 'alcohol' to me.

Both a blessing and a curse of sorts. I don't think I'll ever go down the route of drugs again though. Those don't feel too good the next day, probably an equivalent of a hangover, but 10 times worse. 

When I glanced back around me, Sora was gone, and Inei had fallen asleep on my lap. Again, I wish times were just like this. Just me and my little spirit friends. Then again, if Rune hadn't— no, before that. If my planet wasn't fuckin' desimated...

Mama and Pops would be here. It's been so long, and I barely have any digital pictures at all. I tried to picture them again. Mama's smile, the way her eyes crinkled at the edges. The warmth and security of Pop's voice, deep and steady. But the details were slipping, fading into vague and distant impressions—just outlines and blurs of where faces should be. I hate it. I hate that I'm forgetting. Forgetting the two most important people in my life.

 Nothing was preserved when it got completely run over by Offworlders. I don't even have the necklace Mama gave me.

Well, I do have one thing, and one thing only. Just a family Jade crest that I often keep on me, and that's about that... Haizz, how annoying.

I was about to drift off to sleep, since it was late in the system hour, but a notification popped up from my watch. An incoming call from Sam. I pondered on whether or not I should even answer it, tapping my finger against the edge of my arm rest before begrudgingly clicking the green check accept button.

"Ya need somethin'?" I asked, trying to sound passive, but I might've laid it on a little too thick, because he was able to catch a bit of weariness to my tone when I 'greeted' him quite haphazardly. 

"Aos's, you sound like you're having a rather productive day thus far" He answered with an amused chuckle afterwards, I grumbled a bit at his provocation.

"Didn't quite answer my question there, Sam" I called out bluntly, I don't really enjoy beating around the bushes that much. I genuinely don't know why people find it fun to do. If anything, it just wastes time. I could hear him sigh on the other end of the call, I'd bet about 300 credits he's shaking his head right now. 

"Goodness, is it a crime to ask just my dear sponsee how her little trip was to the Fú Yùn region." He draws out in a faint coo, a sing-song like manner which only causes me to roll my eyes further, if that's even physically possible. Mentally, definitely, 100%.

"It went— fine, I guess. Nothing ah... nothing special happened" I might as well be lying straight through my teeth right now. It sounded like he didn't buy my terrible half-attempt at a fabrication either, since he hummed softly skeptically.

"Right, let us say that's happened. Anything productive? Did you find what you were looking for?" He asks in an attempt to strike up a conversation with me, it feels like.

"Yeah, Zhang wasn't too bad of a guy. Seems like a calm, typical rich politician or whatever, I don't know. Didn't stick around long enough to sit down and have tea and cookies with him" I answer, slowly growing more and more sardonic towards the end of the sentence. Totally not losing my patience whatsoever. Totally. Not at all.

"That would be quite a story to tell, ey? The 'great' Izana Sato, sitting down for tea with—"

"Is there any other reason that you've called me, besides asking me how my damn day went???" I interrupt a wee bit harsher than I'd like to, but I'm about ready to sock someone in the face right now. I have too much on my mind, yet also nothing on my mind at the same time. Nothing makes sense and it feels like I'm jumbling around a hot potato, not knowing who to pass it to, or if I'm even supposed to be holding it. That analogy also made no sense, but just roll with it again for me, yeah?

My sudden interruption caused him to pause for a minute. Quite a long ass minute before I heard him sigh through his nose. 

"I just— wanted to know that you're alright, Izana... you've been going at this for as long as I've known you and—"

"I'm fine" I cut off for the second time with another lie on my tongue. At this point it feels like second nature to me. He paused again for the second time.

"Come on Izana, you know that's—"

"I said I'm fine!" I reiterate, my tone a bit more firm than before, which causes him to shut his mouth a bit longer than last time. I felt Inei stir a bit against my leg, which caused me to sigh sluggishly. 

"Listen— it's been a long ass day for me. On top of that it's 22 hours into the system interval, I—" I just stopped myself mid-sentence and rubbed my eyelid wearily. 

"I need some sleep, that's all..."

The silence that stretched between us felt frankly uncomfortable, thick and unmoving. The seconds bled into each other, stretching and warping until I wasn't sure if I was still waiting for his voice or if I had already been left behind in the quiet. I debated on just ending the call here, but that felt like a bigger slap in the face compared to just yelling at him.

"Right— ah, my bad, I didn't mean to bother you..." He finally speaks, hesitating for a moment further, seemingly mentally debating something. "I hope you sleep well, goodbye" His tone lingering for a little longer before he ended the call all together. 

My body feels heavy and listless, like the weight of everything that's happened has settled into my bones, slow and suffocating. My limbs felt like lead, too heavy to lift, too tired to fight. Ugh, it's fine, I'll bounce back tomorrow. I've been doing this for years, this feeling isn't new. Yet then again, it's never a feeling that's particularly good when it does come around. It makes me feel sluggish, and I don't really wanna go anywhere or do anything for a while. Consciously, I know I have to keep going, but is it really all worth it? 

That thought comes around quite often. 'Just leave it to the interastral administration, they'll sort it out' but then again, if they were really that efficient at anything, Rune won't still be running around like an absolute fucking madman like he has been for Aos' knows how long now. Information about him is so vague nobody knows a damn thing about him. He's like a ghost that everyone talks about, but it's rare to actually see him. He has to have people working under him, and if he does, I just have to find people who do, and they'll lead me to him, right?

As easy as that sounds, if it were that simple. Rune would've been killed years ago. In the name of Keita, this is such a fuckin' mess...

I shake my head subtly, attempting to shake out any invading thoughts and sank further into my couch, shifting a bit so I could lay down comfortably, moving Inei around slightly so I could hold him in my arms like a child would with a stuffed animal. He shuffled around subtly while in my hold, seemingly trying to get comfortable too as he licked his nose while his eyes were still closed and snuggled closer against me. 

A quiet exhale left my nose for the nth time now, as I stared at nothing in particular, eventually just closing them after spacing out and tried drifting off to sleep again.