Pure focus

Kes slowly opened his eyes as he woke up in the Stinky Cave once again. It was a fresh new day to start meditating and learning how to focus his mind.

'Too bad the fresh new day starts with a hard rock wall.' Kes couldn't help but still be annoyed with his sleeping circumstances. But he couldn't make anything better for himself because of the thing that was lurking close to the entrance of the cave.

The bear was indeed still there despite another night of sleeping within the cave, Kes could feel it lurking nearby.

It had stopped raining this morning. Kes couldn't hear the dripping of the rain anymore. Luckily his well had been filled to the brim, some water had even leaked further into the cave.

Now it was all about outlasting the bear until it got thirsty itself, Kes needed to be careful with his water supply and not drink too much every day.

'Just have to make sure to drink enough to not go crazy again.'

He looked towards the opening of the cave and the green scenery that was out there. He would have liked to be exploring the forest instead right now, frolicking through the green trees in the nice forest breeze, but was instead stuck in the Stinky Cave with a brown monster standing guard outside.

'I guess the bear doesn't let go of its grudges easily.'

Kes wondered if the bear wanted to pay him back for making it smell the putrid stench that had once lingered inside Stinky Cave. He did not expect the bear to actually be that intelligent or petty but if it was the reason Kes could understand it.

He knew the awful stench of Stinky Cave like no other, he had sort of created it after all. He knew how mind numbingly awful it smelled, he had gone crazy because of it once before.

That's why he had spent most of his time yesterday after he finished digging out the well thoroughly cleaning the cave once more. He scrubbed every part of the cave that was still covered with filthy liquids over and over again until it became somewhat clean.

Kes had never liked cleaning back in the village, but now he had no choice but to do so, he couldn't stand the smell. The filthy water that was left in the back of the cave still stank a whole lot, but it was better near the entrance now than it had been before. 

Now that the rain had stopped falling and fresh water wasn't streaming in anymore Kes could already feel the odor making its way upwards, as if trying to infect the cave. This was something he wanted to avoid at all costs, maybe he would dig a compartment within the cave to drain all the water into and then cover that up. But for now his mind was on meditation, he didn't want to let the thing that had seemed like a breakthrough he had made two days ago go to waste.

That was another reason why Kes had thoroughly cleaned the cave and made it smell as good as possible. He had heard they liked to use incense to help during meditation within the big cities. They tried to make their room smell as good as possible, or cover it in smells that smelled relaxing.

Kes, who was still incredibly interested in the customs of the big cities, and who had experienced what smell could do to the mind himself, had decided he was going to make it smell as good as possible during meditation. And there was no way he could relax and meditate within the usual putrid stench of the Stinky Cave.

Sadly, he could not go outside and pick some flowers for an actual floral aroma or faux incense, but he could still clean the cave as good as possible. 

And now the cave smelled a little better, Kes' cleaning had helped quite a bit. The smell was no longer a concern for now.

But there was another, even bigger, concern, that was food. Kes was incredibly hungry, he would even take the usual crummy potatoes right now. He could not go outside right now because of the big brown bear lurking there, so he had no way to satiate his hunger.

His meditation was a way to cope with this awful nagging hunger he was always feeling, but the awful nagging hunger also made it harder for him to concentrate and calmly meditate.

He really wished he could eat something right now but he was unable to, so all he could do to cope with it was meditate.

This was another reason why Kes chose to meditate over working out instead. Although he could not be said to be lacking any more in his overall body shape than his Flow pool right now, working out was still important to him. He had a routine he always followed every day, just to make sure he stayed fit and strong, but he had decided to abandon that for now.

The reason was because he did not want to waste too much energy. Working out cost a whole lot of energy, while meditating cost him close to none. He would probably come out of the cave a husk when he finally outlasted the bear, but that was a problem for him in the future. He would just need to make sure to work out twice as hard then.

Kes sat down, crossed his legs and closed his eyes. His mind moved to a state of pure focus again, letting his thoughts collide within his head.

He tried feeling his Flow, the extension of his self and his thoughts, while all sorts of thoughts and feelings mixed within his head.

The persistent sense of grief still seemed to be the strongest feeling held within his mind, apparently it was not so easy to digest the feelings of his entire village being wiped out.

The feeling of survival, of needing to survive seemed to be close to trumping it. He had spent his last couple days surviving alone within a cave after all. It had also been his main driving force during the escape from the village, the only thing making him desperately push forward.

Other thoughts collided within his mind too, the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of hunger, the joy of living. Everything mixed together to form one thing, that thing was his mind, the wild thoughts, his Flow. 

Now Kes just needed to be able to lead his wild mind, his Flow, into the direction he wanted it to go. He needed to focus only on one line of thought, shutting out all else. And for that he needed to reach the state he had reached two days ago again.

These thoughts, the ones that Kes was having during the whole process, mixed with the wild soup of thoughts that he formed within his mind too. It was a strange sensation of new formed thoughts colliding and mixing with what already existed.

He tried recalling how he had managed it back then. He had been desperate, on the brink of going crazy, and incredibly close to death. He had somehow shut off all thoughts, but how had he done it? Was it only achieved through instinct back then or was there something he was missing. 

He just needed pure concentration, nothing was allowed to enter his mind. He needed to excrete the soup of thoughts that swirled through his mind first, otherwise he would get nowhere.

He sat there for hours, with his eyes closed in a state of meditation, and after hours of trying he had finally managed what he had set out to do. His mind was completely clear once again.

Kes loved the experience he was having right now, with his mind being completely clear he could steer his thoughts to whatever he wanted it to. And right now he decided to focus on leading his thoughts towards the feeling of having to survive.

This had always been Kes' mindset, or so he had thought. Grief and desire to protect had almost overwhelmed this feeling exactly when he had needed it most, so he was determined to not let it happen again.

In the meditative state Kes felt himself thinking only of survival, as if it was the thing that mattered most. He was almost like the person the village chief had once described, cold, calculating and willing to sacrifice anything to stay alive.

At that moment of meditation Kes felt no hunger and no sad feelings about the loss of his friends, family and village. But only happiness in having survived and still being alive.

When the meditative state dissipated and Kes slowly opened his eyes again he felt all his thoughts rushing back in, he felt conflicted. Was he going to become a heartless monster if he actually managed to only lead his thought pattern in the direction of survival, shutting all else out. Was he going to become the type of person the village chief had described to him on the day Nash and Ade had faced the elemental beast.

Right now it was still impossible to make use of it, he had taken hours to get himself into the state and could only use it when he was meditating. But it had been an incredible feeling when he had achieved it.

'I will have to keep perfecting this, even though it might make me heartless. It is needed in combat. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes, with this, when the time comes, at least I won't hesitate.'

Kes thought back to his desperate escape during the raid on the village and let out a long sigh.