Differing perspectives

'Isn't the whole hard rock thing getting a bit old by now.' Kes thought as he once again felt the hard rock that signified another morning in the Stinky Cave.

'The first thing I will do when that bear leaves is find a better place to sleep.'

Kes thought that, but he himself was one of the reasons why he was still stuck in here. If he hadn't chased away the bear yesterday he might be outside now, gathering some good materials to sleep on.

He did not regret his decision, though. In fact he had spent yesterday meditating and felt himself slowly getting better at clearing his mind.

Kes had gotten uncharacteristically greedy, at least he thought so himself. But everything he did was calculated, if the risk was really that high he would not have chased away the bear. He felt like he would have a lot more troubles in the future if he didn't capitalize on his insights now, his survival rate would drop over all. 

Even though it seemed like he was pursuing short term gains, in Kes' mind he was in fact chasing long term gains. 

But the discomfort of the cave was really getting to him. The hunger was still really nagging at him too, he would really like to eat something. But he just had to persevere, just a couple more days and the bear would surely leave.

Right now was not the time, Kes could clearly still sense the pressure the beast was exuding nearby. 

There was another, arguably even bigger problem.

'The Stinky Cave is really regaining its former glory.' Kes pinched his nose as he looked towards the back of the cave.

Although Kes had not eaten anything in the past couple days, so he had not needed to poop at all, he still had to excrete some waste from his body. This went through the way of pissing, something that, because of circumstance, could only be done in the back of the cave. He did not want to try peeing outside just for his family jewels to get eaten by the lurking bear.

'The soup back there is probably strong enough to wipe out a whole nation.' Kes thought as he still kept his nose tightly pinched. 

He did not know if he was just especially sensitive to smell or if the smell was just actually that bad, but for Kes it did not matter. He did not want to smell it anymore, but there was nothing he could do about it right now.

So his main issues were the hunger, the discomfort and the smell right now. Honestly Kes did not know if he could complain. When he thought about what all the people in his village, the ones who were still alive that is, were going through right now, he probably had it great.

They had most definitely been enslaved. Even though Kes could not leave his cave currently, he still had infinitely more freedom than them.

That wasn't even to speak about the ones that had died. The ones that had fought desperately and gone down together with the village. 

Some people might call their fate more fortunate than the ones that had been enslaved, but Kes would never agree. Freedom in death? Honor in death? Salvation in death? To Kes it did not sound appealing at all.

He could understand the thought behind it all too well. After all, he had felt more than enough of it over the last couple of days. But just because he respected people who thought that way did not mean he would change his mindset himself.

If anything his mindset had shifted towards his old one of survival even more. Maybe understanding had also helped him make a mental breakthrough.

Kes had always thought of himself as a strong person mentally, but one would not know until they had experienced something themselves. He had started taking his mental training a lot more seriously since the raid on the village and his thirst attack.

And for that he needed to be able to lead his thoughts into the path he wanted to. Which in turn was why he had chased away the bear and was still stuck in the cave.

Kes felt his mind moving in circles so he decided to just get into a meditative position and try to reach the clear mind state again. 

He closed his eyes and focused on his colliding thoughts mixing into one. He still had not gotten used to this form of meditation, but he had liked the results.

Because of his earlier thought pattern Kes had decided to switch it up today. Instead of leading his mind down the path of wanting to survive he would lead his mind down the path of wanting to protect, something he had felt to be possible multiple times now already.

This was because the feeling of grief still lingered deep within his mind, pushing its way into the thought soup whenever Kes meditated.

Kes had decided to do this because he wanted to better understand the other perspective. He wanted to think and feel like he held the other perspective. This way he hoped to make a qualitative breakthrough in his own philosophy and thought pattern. Eventually being able to settle on exactly the way he wanted his mind to think when he led his mind down the pathway of survival. And also being in control at that point in time.

His mindset needed to be perfected, and for that he needed to see multiple different perspectives.

Losing control, going crazy, his mind going down an unnatural pathway, whatever it could be called, was the thing Kes wanted to avoid most. Above all he wanted to stay true to himself, he wanted to stay himself. If Kes' mind got led down the path of wanting to protect everyone in disregard for his own life and he got absorbed by this, would he still be Kes? In his opinion he would not.

This leading his mind down a certain path might sound useful, but it was also very scary. After experiencing it Kes had almost felt like it had not been himself thinking all those things, but someone else, not Kes. Unless he could fix this he would never ever utilize it. He would only train with it until he was able to utilize it while holding full control over his mind. 

This was of course unless his life really was in danger, then he would utilize it without question, survival was still everything.

'But I guess that is also just a part of my mindset.' Kes thought as he began fully concentrating on his meditation.

Kes meditated as he felt his thoughts colliding and the thought soup forming once more. He concentrated and focused on his Flow and his mind. He kept leading himself deeper, turning his mind calmer and clearer.

After what felt like a couple of hours Kes had once again managed to make his mind completely clear, he was now able to lead his mind into a path of his choosing. This time he led his mind down the path of protecting instead of survival.

Kes instantly felt immense desire to protect everyone he held dear. He wanted to rush out of the cave right now and go on a rescue mission to try and free all the people that had become slaves, no matter what it took. He would risk his life, he would risk anything to free his friends that the raiders had captured and turned into slaves.

At the same time he felt immense grief well up. Grief over the people he had failed to protect, grief over the people he had lost. 

He also felt immense shame because he had run away during the raid on the village. Why exactly had he done that? Why did he not go and protect everyone? He could not understand himself.

Kes felt like he was losing himself and quickly got rid of the meditative state. At least he could manage this much. 

Kes panted as he opened his eyes and looked at his own hands.

'I never want to experience any of that again.' Kes thought as he thought back to what he had just felt.

Recklessly going out and saving his friends from capture? That would only get himself killed. He had also felt a lot more vulnerable when in this state, the grief that had almost subsided in the mind of the current Kes had welled up incredibly strongly.

But he was still glad he had at least tried to lead his mind down this path. Because now he knew for sure that this was not him. Kes was not some heroic person, his entire body felt like it had rejected the state of mind he had just found himself in, almost like it had done with the state of thirst.

Kes thought back to the colliding thoughts and the thought soup, as he liked to call it, that eventually formed, and suddenly had an idea.

'If I want to eventually always be in the right state of mind, and always have control over my state of mind, that thought soup must always be exactly what I want it to be.'

Now there were just two questions remaining. How exactly would he do that, and what exactly did he want it to be.

'I guess I will just have to meditate some more to find out.' Kes thought as he sat down and closed his eyes again, getting ready to meditate once more.