If the truth is cruel, then lies must be kind

I opened my eyes, and everything was a blur. The light above me was too bright, and the air around me smelled sterile. My chest hurt, and the world spun in a way that made me question whether I had just come back from the dead. Wait—did I die?

"Ah, shit," I groaned, my hand instinctively reaching up to my head. The pain there was as intense as if someone had used a sledgehammer on me. I squinted, trying to make sense of my surroundings. The familiar scent of antiseptic, the cheap bed, and the constant hum of fluorescent lights. My least favorite place. The nurse's office. Again.

I exhaled through my teeth, trying to ignore the throbbing in my skull. The sounds of my voice made me realize just how dry my throat was. Great. Another lovely side effect of being shoved down a flight of stairs.

I shifted in bed, wincing at the sudden movement. That's when I realized the full extent of my discomfort. My body felt heavy, bruised, and exhausted. I couldn't even remember how I ended up here. Was I really that out of it?

Then, like a slow-motion train wreck, the memory hit me—Kushida's smile, twisted and malicious, before everything went black. Her face flashed in my mind like a snapshot. That damn smile. I should've expected it.

I closed my eyes again, fighting the wave of frustration that was creeping in. "I should've seen that coming. Not like I haven't been to this office before…" The irony was almost too much. My mind swirled as I tried to piece things together, but the headache made it hard to focus. Everything felt too fuzzy, and every attempt to concentrate felt like wading through mud.

Still, there was one thing I knew for sure: this wasn't a simple fall.

I felt the familiar tightness in my chest, the one I'd grown used to over the years like I was sinking deeper into a hole that I couldn't crawl out of.

I glanced around, half-expecting someone to be watching me. I was in no mood to play this whole "let's check on the patient" game. It wasn't the first time I had woken up in this damn place.

"Who was it this time?" I muttered under my breath. "Did anyone bother to drag me here, or was I just left to fend for myself?"

Just as I tried to sit up, a voice interrupted the silence, grating and sharp.

"You're awake," the nurse said, her tone as unimpressed as usual.

My eyes moved lazily toward the door, where I saw the nurse standing, looking at me with a combination of annoyance and worry. Of course. Just my luck. It wasn't enough that I had to face the consequences of my own stupidity, I had to deal with her too.

But the thing was, right now, I wasn't angry. I wasn't even surprised. I had it coming, didn't it? I knew something like this was going to happen. It always did. Life just had a funny way of giving me the worst kind of punch in the gut when I least expected it.

It was the punch in the gut part that was messing with my head now. I had been expecting something—anything—from Kushida. Some revenge, maybe hatred, or just plain disdain. That's how things were between us, right? A silent war of sorts, with her smiling in that fake way, while I did everything I could to stay out of her way.

But this? This was... different. I didn't expect her to go that far. Murder? She tried to kill me?

I felt a sick, cold shiver running down my spine as my hands clenched involuntarily. The idea was still settling in, the shock of it all crashing against me like an aftershock from an earthquake. A murderous intent, from someone who had been nothing but a thorn in this Special Exam for all this time. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Not yet.

I didn't know what was worse—what she had done, or the fact that I hadn't seen it coming. How could I have been so stupid to think she was just some two-faced bitch, nothing more than a part of the typical high school drama? I had never even considered that she might be capable of something like this.

And now here I was, lying in some godforsaken nurse's office, trying to ignore the fact that my life had just been hanging by a thread and I didn't even realize it. It wasn't like I was scared. It wasn't fear that was eating at me now. It was this numb disbelief, this constant loop of questions that my brain couldn't quite answer.

I closed my eyes again, trying to push the thought away. What the hell was wrong with me?

"So," I said, still trying to make sense of things, "What's the damage? Am I going to survive this?"

The nurse sighed, but it was more of a relief than frustration. "You're lucky, you know that? I found you outside by the stairs—looked like you'd fallen from a decent height. The way you were sprawled out, I thought you'd be in worse shape." She paused like she was trying to find the right words.

"You didn't break anything, though," she continued. "No broken bones. Not even a fractured skull, believe it or not. But you did take a pretty hard hit to the head. There's some swelling in the back of your skull, but it's nothing major, just bruising. The real issue is the deep cut above your eyebrow." She pointed to the bandage over my left eye. "It's shallow, but it could have been much worse. You're lucky it didn't hit a vital area or cause you to lose consciousness for too long."

I raised an eyebrow, only half-listening. "So... what, I'm good to go? I'm just some idiot who fell down the stairs?"

"You're fortunate you didn't knock yourself out cold," she replied dryly, "or worse. Honestly, if it weren't for your quick reflexes, or maybe just some luck, you might've been in a much worse condition." She paused, eyeing me as if expecting something from me. "I immediately called for help when I found you—called Mashima-san. He's the only one around here who doesn't think I'm overreacting to every situation. He's the one who gave me the number to call for emergencies when no one else was available."

I nodded, still trying to process everything.

The nurse sighed again, folding her arms as she turned to me. "Listen, you should rest. Don't do anything too strenuous for the next few days. Your body might feel fine, but you've had quite the fall. I don't want you overdoing it and making things worse."

I rubbed my forehead, my ears still ringing slightly. "Yeah, I get it. Thanks... I guess."

She gave me a sharp look, a slight hint of a smirk tugging at her lips. "Don't thank me just yet. You're one lucky idiot, but if you do anything else to hurt yourself, I'll make sure you regret it."

"Hey… did anyone see anything? You know, when I… fell?"

She paused, narrowing her eyes at me, clearly not buying it. "What exactly are you asking me?" Her voice was calm, but the tone was sharp, like she could see where this was going.

I hesitated for a moment before I said it, unsure of how it would sound. "Look, whether you believe it or not… someone tried to kill me. On purpose. That's why I'm asking if you've heard anything or seen anyone. Or maybe if this Mashima-san noticed something."

The nurse raised an eyebrow at me, her expression shifting into something harder. "What are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm not crazy. I wasn't just clumsy and fell down those stairs. I wasn't tripping or anything. I was facing forward—straight ahead—when I went down, and then… someone shoved me. I ended up falling backward. That's how I know it wasn't just an accident."

The nurse stared at me for a long moment, her eyes unreadable. "Hmm."

She finally spoke, her voice quieter now, as if thinking over my words. "Well, Mashima-san did check the security footage, and I'll admit it seemed suspicious to me too." She crossed her arms, glancing out the window for a moment, then back at me. "You didn't fall the way someone would if they were just stumbling, you know? You fell on your back. From the top, not from a slip."

I leaned forward, my heart pounding a bit faster. "So… does that mean someone saw me fall?"

She shook her head slowly. "No. Unfortunately, the cameras were turned off when Mashima-san checked them."

That meant it didn't matter if I said who it was, there was no proof Kushida did it. No matter how suspicious her behavior could have been, there wasn't a single shred of evidence to back up my claim. And that's what really hit me. What's more likely? That someone planned to kill someone on the stairs with premeditation, or that someone simply lost their balance or fainted, and tragedy struck?

I let out a frustrated sigh, my thoughts spiraling. Logic told me to let it go, to move on and chalk it up to an accident.

Suddenly, a knock echoed from the door, pulling me from my thoughts.

The nurse frowned, muttering under her breath as she moved to answer it. "What now? I specifically told everyone no visitors."

From my position on the bed, I couldn't see the doorway, but I could hear everything. The door creaked open, and the nurse's tone immediately shifted to one of stern authority. "I said no visitors. He's in no condition for—"

"I'm not here for your approval," came a firm, icy voice from the hallway. A voice that was sharp and confident, carrying just enough weight to make anyone hesitate.

"Listen here," the nurse snapped, clearly irritated, "I don't care what reason you have. Rules are rules. He needs rest, and I won't have you barging in here to—"

"Rules exist for a reason," the strict voice cut her off, "But exceptions also exist when they're justified. And this is one of those times. If you're worried about his well-being, I'll make this quick. I don't waste time on trivial matters."

The nurse let out a frustrated huff. "You students think you can—"

"I'm not 'you students,'" she was interrupted sharply, "I've already weighed the pros and cons of this conversation, and I assure you, my presence here is a net benefit to his situation. He is my partner. Now, will you step aside, or will I have to involve the school in this?"

The room went quiet for a beat before the nurse let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine. But five minutes, and I mean it. If you push him too far, it's on you."

I heard the door click shut, and then the sound of heels against the floor as Horikita Suzune walked into the room. She stopped beside my bed, her expression unreadable as her sharp eyes settled on me.

"Well," she said, her tone neutral but commanding, "you look worse than I expected."

I groaned as I adjusted myself on the bed, trying to ignore the dull ache in my back. "You didn't come here just to complain about my appearance, did you? Because I hate to break it to you, but I'm not exactly in the mood for a running session with you for the Special Exam."

Horikita's sharp gaze didn't waver as she crossed her arms, her stance firm and unyielding. "I didn't come here for that."

"Then what did you come for?" I asked, angry at her for bothering me like this.

She leaned slightly forward, her eyes narrowing as they locked onto mine. There was something unnervingly intense about the way she stared at me. "What did you do?"

I blinked at her, my mind still fuzzy from everything that had happened. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb," she snapped, her tone as cold and commanding as ever. "You know exactly what I mean."

"If I knew what you were talking about, I wouldn't be lying here trying to figure it out. So enlighten me—what did I supposedly do this time?"

Her eyes narrowed further, her irritation barely hidden now. "Yesterday, I was supposed to be expelled. That was the natural outcome of the situation. Everything pointed to it." She paused, her voice softening but not losing its edge. "And yet, not only was I not expelled, but Class D also managed to climb to second place in the Special Exam."

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Congratulations? I'm still not seeing the part where this has anything to do with me."

"Stop deflecting," she said sharply, her arms tightening across her chest. "What did you do? What strings did you pull? How did you manage to turn everything around?"

I stared at her, "Horikita, I'm tired. I don't have time for this nonsense."

Her piercing gaze didn't let up, as if she was trying to dig into my soul with her eyes alone. "You expect me to believe that this is all a coincidence? That Class D's sudden rise in points is unrelated to your scheming?"

Something inside me snapped. I was too tired for this. Too sore, too mentally drained, and honestly, too damn fed up with the constant barrage of accusations. My patience, already hanging by a thread, finally gave way.

"You know what, Horikita? Fine!" My voice rose, louder than I'd intended, and it cracked slightly from the strain. "Yes, I schemed! I manipulated things to turn them around for you and Class D! Happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

I pushed myself upright despite the dull ache radiating through my back and shoulders, my breaths coming quicker as the weight of everything threatened to overwhelm me. "Do you have any idea what I've been through? Someone literally tried to kill me today, Horikita. Kill me. And now you're here, standing in front of me, acting like I owe you a full confession while I can barely keep myself sitting up. So yeah, I did something, and I don't regret it. Not one bit."

Her expression faltered for a moment, her sharp, unrelenting gaze softening just a fraction. But she didn't interrupt, letting me continue my tirade.

"I didn't do it for praise, or because I like playing the hero. I did it because it needed to be done. Because someone had to, and apparently, that someone is always me!" I gestured vaguely at her, my hand shaking slightly from the adrenaline coursing through me. "So tell me, Horikita, is this what you wanted? To barge in here and yell at me while I'm trying to recover from almost dying?"

The room fell into a heavy silence, my words hanging in the air. My chest rose and fell rapidly as I tried to catch my breath, the sheer exhaustion finally catching up to me. I slumped back against the bed, the fight leaving me as quickly as it had come.

Horikita stood there, her arms still crossed, but the hard edge in her posture had softened. Her lips pressed together, and for once, she didn't look like she had a retort ready.

"You…" she started, her voice quieter now. "You should've told me."

I let out a dry laugh, bitter and humorless. "Yeah, maybe. But it's not like you would've listened. You never do."

Her gaze flickered downward, and for a moment, I thought I saw a trace of guilt flash across her features. But she straightened herself again, her usual mask of composure sliding back into place.

"I didn't mean to—" she began, but I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

"Save it," I muttered, my voice low but firm. "If you're done accusing me of pulling some elaborate strings to make your life easier, can you leave? I've got enough to deal with without you piling more on top of it."

Horikita took a step toward the door, her expression unreadable. The nurse, already halfway to ushering her out, motioned impatiently, but then Horikita froze, her hand hovering over the doorknob.

"Wait," she said, her voice breaking the quiet tension in the room. The nurse sighed in frustration, but Horikita turned, decision glinting in her eyes. "Just… wait. Please..."

She strode back toward the bed, her usual confident poise replaced by something more raw, more urgent. Her sharp gaze locked onto mine, I saw the cracks in her composed facade.

"I don't understand," she said, her voice steady but trembling slightly at the edges. "I don't understand you."

I blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in her tone.

"First, I think you're trying to destroy me. I think you're my enemy and a danger to class. Then, you tell me to focus on helping the class, like you're trying to push me away and make me forget. And just when I start to think I've figured you out, you turn around and save me. You somehow stopped my expulsion, you made Class D climb to second place, and you don't even bother to explain why!"

Her voice rose slightly as she spoke, frustration breaking through her usual calm demeanor. "Do you have any idea how infuriating that is? How am I supposed to act? What am I supposed to think when you keep doing this!?"

I stared at her, stunned into silence. For once, her words weren't calculated or cold—they were raw and genuine.

"I'm not here to argue," she continued, her voice softer now but still laced with urgency. "I just… I need to know the truth. Why did you do it? Why go so far for me and for Class D? What were you really trying to accomplish!?"

Her eyes searched mine, waiting for an answer. But for the first time, I wasn't sure I had one.

The weight of Horikita's words pressed down on me like a heavy stone. Her frustration, her confusion. It was all too clear, and I couldn't deny it. She was right. Every step I'd taken, every move I'd made, had only tangled her further into a web of uncertainty.

And now, as her piercing gaze bore into me, waiting for an answer I didn't want to give, I felt a knot tighten in my chest.

I sighed deeply, letting my head fall back against the pillow. My body ached, but the heaviness in my chest was far worse. "You want the truth?" I said quietly, almost bitterly. "Fine. Here it is."

Horikita's eyes widened slightly, her sharpness softening as she leaned in just a fraction, listening intently.

"I pitied you," I said, my voice low and filled with disdain—not for her, but for myself. "As much as I hate to admit it, that's the truth. I looked at you, with all your ambition and stubbornness, and I couldn't stop seeing someone who was just… lost."

Her expression flickered—shock, hurt, anger—but she stayed silent, letting me continue.

"I hated it," I said, my words spilling out faster now, the emotions I'd buried for so long clawing their way to the surface. "I hated seeing someone like that. Someone so proud and arrogant but determined to stand on their own, and yet so completely blind to the fact that you were drowning. It was pathetic. And it made me feel pathetic, too, because I couldn't stop myself from watching."

Horikita's lips parted slightly as if to speak, but she hesitated.

"But here's the thing," I went on, my voice gaining a sharp edge. "I knew that if I tried to help you outright if I gave you the support you actually needed, you'd never truly stand on your own. You'd start leaning on me, depending on me, and I…" I paused, swallowing hard, my throat dry.

"I couldn't stand the thought of that," I admitted my voice quieter now, tinged with disgust—at myself, at the situation, at everything. "You'd become reliant on me, and I'd resent you for it. And then, what would've been the point? I'd just be enabling the very thing I wanted to help you escape."

I closed my eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "So, I did what I do best. I manipulated the situation and your feelings. I pulled the strings and tried to ensure you'd come out on top, but in a way that would make you think it was all you. That you'd achieved it on your own. But I failed."

I opened my eyes again, meeting her gaze. There was nothing in my expression, no satisfaction—just exhaustion. "I thought I was doing you a favor. I thought I was being clever. But instead, I've just left you more confused, more frustrated, and more scared than ever. And now, here we are."

The room was heavy with silence, the only sound was the faint hum of the air conditioning. Horikita stared at me, her expression unreadable, as if she were processing every word, every emotion I'd just laid bare.

"I really am cruel, aren't I?" I said with a bitter smile. "Even when I try to help, I end up hurting people."

I straightened my posture despite the aching in my body, locking my gaze onto hers. For once, I allowed my exhaustion to give way to something stronger—a false sense of resolve.

"And that's why," I began, my voice steady but heavy, "I want you to lead Class D to victory. You and Hirata. Forget about me. Focus on what's in front of you. You don't need someone like me in the picture."

Horikita's eyes widened slightly, her composure wavering, but I didn't stop.

"Don't waste your energy worrying about someone like me," I continued, my words firm but not unkind. "Use it to figure out a strategy for the Special Exam. You're capable of that much—you've proven it. If you weren't, you wouldn't have made it this far on your own."

Her lips parted as if to respond, but I pushed forward.

"Sure, maybe I stopped your expulsion," I admitted, my voice softening. "But you're the one who worked your way to this point. You didn't get here because of me. You're stronger than you realize, Horikita. You just need to stop holding yourself back. Stop thinking it's you against the world."

Her shoulders trembled slightly, her arms no longer crossed as they hung loosely at her sides. I let out a slow breath, trying to steady myself.

"Even if the day comes when you leave ANHS," I said, quieter now, "remember this: there's always another path waiting for you. Be more willing to open yourself up to it. To people."

For a moment, silence enveloped the room. I thought my words had been enough to settle things, but then she took a shaky step forward, her expression crumbling as a single tear slid down her cheek.

"W-Why…?" A single tear traced down her cheek.

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to maintain my composure, though guilt clawed at the edges of my resolve.

"Because truth is cruel," I said, my voice low, full of regret. "and lies… lies are kind."

Her tear-filled gaze met mine, and I felt my chest tighten. "But if I lied to you even more, if I sugarcoated everything, it might feel good at the moment. But it wouldn't help you, Horikita. It would only hold you back. The truth hurts, but it's the only way forward."

She stood frozen, her hands clenching at her sides as more tears began to spill, her breathing uneven. I wanted to look away, to stop seeing the pain I'd caused her, but I forced myself to hold her gaze.

"I said what I said because it's what you need to hear," I continued, my tone quieter but firm. "You're not alone, Horikita. Not anymore. Lean on others, trust them, and you'll realize you're capable of more than you think. That's the only way you'll truly grow."

Her lips trembled, but no words came out. Instead, she took another step back, shaking her head as if trying to process everything.

I sighed, my body sinking further into the bed. "I'm sorry," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper. "I know I've hurt you, but I meant what I said. It's time for you to move forward."

Horikita stared at me for a long moment, her tears silently falling, before finally turning on her heel and walking toward the door. She stopped just short of the exit, her hand hovering over the handle.

"You're wrong," she said, her voice soft but filled with a quiet strength, "You're not..."

Without completing her words, she opened the door and stepped out, leaving me alone with the crushing weight of my own words. The faint sound of the door clicking shut echoed in the stillness, and I let out a heavy sigh, staring up at the ceiling.

"Yeah," I murmured to myself. "I don't understand me either."

Even now, I still contradict myself.

For a while, I didn't move. I couldn't. I wasn't even sure how much time had passed before the sharp buzz of my phone broke the silence, dragging me out of my thoughts.

Reaching over to the bedside table, I grabbed it and glanced at the screen. A single message awaited me.

It was from a contact who hadn't messaged me in what felt like forever—long enough for their silence to seem permanent.

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Evil God: Be in the old equipment room under the auditorium. Don't be late.