The Silence In Between

I wake instantly knowing that I'm back in Lucian's bed, and this time I'm not alone.

I open my eyes, and with his head on the pillow, and his gaze locked on my face.

Seconds pass in silence, and then slowly, as if he doesn't know what reaction he'll get, he reaches out a hand and smooths the hair from my face with gentle fingers.

"Is it morning?" I ask, my voice coming out husky. With the curtains still drawn over the windows, making the room still dark, it's impossible to tell the time.

I don't even care that my hair is a crazy mess because Lucian doesn't seem to. His eyes are warm as he studies me, and because he isn't running screaming from me, I guess I can't look too bad. That or he's kinder than I give him credit for.

He nods.

I know I should feel guilty about sleeping with Lucian when I have a mate, but I don't.

But that didn't stop Kieran from sleeping with Nova, though, did it? I doubt he ever felt guilty a day in his life.

A frown creases Lucian's brow. "What is it?"

I can't believe I just had a passing thought, and he knew it was something bad even though I know my expression couldn't have changed.

I sigh heavily before shifting positions to lie on my back so I can stare up at the ceiling. "You're not mine."

For a second, Lucian is silent. "Are you saying that because you regret last night?"

I hear him moving as well, though I don't turn to see what he's doing. "I'm saying that because I don't. But I should."

As if suspecting that I haven't finished saying all I wanted to say, he waits. He's right. In the short time I've been here, with him, I'm finding he can read me better than people who've known me—lived with me—for years.

"One day a girl is going to turn up, and she's going to tell you that she's your mate. No. She won't have to say a word. You'll lock eyes with one another, and you'll know. And then I'll wish I hadn't stayed. You'll wish I hadn't stayed."

"Not all shifters find their mate."

"No, they don't." I concede, but sometimes the universe wills it. Sometimes it flings two people together just as it did me and Kieran. "But that doesn't mean you won't find yours."

I wait for him to admit I'm right because I know I am. A second passes before he says what I was expecting.

"No, I guess it doesn't," he says.

With my gaze fixed on the ceiling, I nod, all while bracing myself for him to tell me it's in our best interests for me to leave sooner rather than later. Before these feelings make it impossible for either of us to walk away.

"But that won't be enough to change how I feel about you."

I jerk my head to face him because that is not what I expected him to say.

My eyes find him staring up at the ceiling with his arms folded over his lean, muscled chest. All that golden, naked skin is such a deeply distracting sight that it takes serious effort to look away. "I don't understand."

His lips quirk. "I think I was pretty clear."

"No," I tell him firmly. "I don't think you were."

Lucian continues to stare up at the ceiling, with a hint of a smile playing on his lips, saying not another word.

Without letting myself think too much about what I'm doing, I sit up, ignoring my twinging ankle. I shove the covers down past his hips and straddle him so I'm gazing down into his face. "Tell me what you mean."

"You know," Lucian says in a husky voice, as he reaches up and brushes his thumb against my lower lip, which proves to be a surprisingly arousing gesture. "This is a very interesting position you've put yourself in."

I don't understand what he means until, recognizing my confusion, he places both hands on my hips and nudges me back.

At the press of him between my legs, my eyes widen in realization. "Oh. Kieran never—"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize what I've said and I'm off Lucian in a second, scrambling to get off the bed. I nearly fall when I forget my leg is nowhere near ready enough for me to be rushing about anywhere.

"Cassia…?"

I flinch at Lucian's hand on my bare back. That's all it takes. One flinch and Lucian is yanking his hand away, and that, more than anything else, makes me stop. Kieran, my father… any person in my life would've just bulldozed me into staying put. But not Lucian.

I sit on the edge of the bed, still naked, staring across the room at the window as if I can see through the curtains at the morning sky.

I've woken enough times in Lucian's room to know what view awaits me outside. Tall green trees. Blue skies with fluffy white clouds or no clouds at all. That's it. It's beautiful. So beautiful that I don't know how I'm going to go back to gray concrete parking lots outside the cheap motels that were only ever home for one night, never two.

"My mate never wanted me, Lucian. I was only ever a… a duty. A chore to please his father. There was someone else for him. Someone he wanted, and he never let me forget it. Not ever." I close my eyes because they burn and the last thing I want to do is cry. Not now. "Last night, you gave me something I never thought I'd ever have, and for me to want more is greedy. Not when I know I don't deserve it—I don't deserve you."

"What makes you think you don't deserve me?"

I spin around to face him because he has to know the truth. He has to understand. "Because you're not mine. By not walking away, it makes me just as bad as he is. I can't do that to someone else," I cry.

Lucian regards me steadily. "And this mate of yours… Kieran… I'm guessing he was already with this woman before he met you?"

I shake my head in confusion. "What? I don't…"

Lucian sits up, though he doesn't move any closer to me. Instead, he leans his back against the headboard and studies me calmly. "Was this mate with the woman before you?"

"Well, yes. But I don't see what that has to do with…"

"If you were already with someone, someone you didn't want to let go of before you met Kieran, would you have agreed to go with him? Would you have agreed to let him bite you?"

That's when I understand what he's saying. "No. No, I would have fought against it, and if I couldn't, I would have run because my heart wasn't free anymore."

Lucian stretches his hand slowly toward me. When I don't react, he curves his hand around my nape and draws me to him. "Neither is mine."

His kiss holds me immobile for a second. But only a second, because suddenly my eyes are filling with tears and I'm scrambling back into bed to be closer to him.

I end up with my legs wrapped around his hips as I sit astride him, kissing him with an urgency I've never known before.

And even though this position is new, just as this thing between me and Lucian is, I'm learning new can be good. So, listening to my instincts, I shuffle closer to his body and rise on my knees until the hot length of him is nudging at my entrance.

Lucian's hands go to my hips and slowly, I sink down on him until he's filled me.

I break our kiss and, after closing my eyes, I rest my forehead against his as my breath pants out of me. For one second the urgency eases and I stop clinging so hard to him.

Although my body is screaming at me to move, my heart, my very soul, wants nothing more than to sit wrapped around Lucian like this forever.

He strokes his hands up and down my back, exerting a gentle pressure that has me swallowing a moan.

"Cassia," Lucian breathes into my ear, his voice harsh with strain. "Baby, I need you to move."

I feel him hardening inside me, throbbing, and it hits me how much deeper this new position has him inside me. "I don't know what to do," I admit, meeting his eyes.

"You can rock against me," he murmurs, "or you can slide up and down.

I can help."

"Help?" I lean toward him because it's becoming an addiction to kiss Lucian whenever he's close, and even when he's not. As we kiss, I rock a little, moaning at how good it feels.

I do it again, and he groans loudly.

I break the kiss. "What about the other way? How will you help?"

Lucian grips my hips and leans back a little. "Rise on your knees," he murmurs.

I get to my knees.

"As I move, you move. Okay?"

After I nod, he draws me close again for another kiss, a deeper one that has his tongue exploring every last corner of my mouth.

He tightens his hold on me and, as he thrusts, I sink to meet him halfway. We both groan.

He's so deep inside me that I want more of it. I want more of him. I rise and this time I don't need Lucian to tell me when to move. Just like outside, we soon find a rhythm. I don't know if it's this new position or because of Lucian's earlier tender words, but in moments, I'm near frantic with need as my release lurks just out of view.

My breath catches as I struggle to keep pace with him. "Lucian. I can't…"

Without a word, he shifts us so he's lying between my legs. All it takes is one hard thrust and my nails are digging into his shoulders as I gasp out my release. Seconds later, I feel him jerking inside me with a muffled growl.

We cling to each other with hands and arms and mouths as our shared climax sweeps through us.

Long minutes later, he turns so we're lying side by side, though he stays tucked within me.

Once we've caught our breath, I burrow so close that no part of me isn't touching a part of him. He wraps his arms around me as I rest my head against his chest.

"Lucian?"

"Yes, love?"

I pause for a second to appreciate the endearment. "Will there be any problems if I stay? I mean, from Bennett and your pack? Because if there is—"

Lucian buries a kiss in my hair before hauling me even closer. "There won't be any problems."

"But what if—"

"Cassia, There won't be any problems. I promise. Now, I need you to sleep."

"Why?" I ask, fighting off a yawn. "It's morning, we should be getting up."

"We're not going anywhere," he murmurs, lifting my chin to give me a soft, lingering kiss. "Because I need you and I don't think even a day in bed is going to be enough to satisfy that need."

I smile against his lips before easing back. "I'm not that tired." His eyes darken. "Cassia, you need to rest."

I pull him closer. "And I will. After."

It's his turn to smile against my lips as he shifts me to my back. "After it is."

Several hours pass, but we do rest. Eventually