thebigbang

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Meet Martin Scott—a razor-sharp Harvard lawyer stuck rooming with socially awkward geniuses Sheldon and Leonard in a crumbling New York apartment. His life spirals into chaos when their new neighbor, aspiring actress Penny, moves in, sparking a hormone-fueled rivalry. 

But Martin has a secret: he’s painfully aware he’s living inside a glitched mashup of every American sitcom and drama. Between defending meth kingpins (Breaking Bad’s Walter White), dodging his narcissistic boss (Harvey Specter), and surviving Sheldon’s 37-page Roommate Agreement, Martin must navigate a world where everyone is a walking TV trope.

Suits: A Lawyer Surviving TV Chaos

Since Leonard's tentative proposal for a stable relationship last Friday, Penny oscillated between excitement and anxiety:

*Does he actually like me, or just want a physical partner?*

*Will he mock me for not understanding his science talk?*

*Will others think I'm after his status or paycheck?*

For days, these questions haunted her. She needed advice from a mutual friend.

Sheldon? Uninterested in "human rituals." Raj? Couldn't speak to women sober. Howard? *If he'd stop eyeing my chest like a creep…*

That left Martin Scott—the only "normal" one in their group, despite his no-strings-attached dating history.

Martin chewed slowly, listening as Penny vented. *A lawyer's core skill: active listening.* Her concerns boiled down to **class disparity**:

Leonard: Princeton physics PhD, comic book fan, stable Columbia researcher.

Penny: High school graduate, Hollywood gossip enthusiast, struggling actress-waitress.

Their worlds collided—a cross-class romance requiring extra effort.

"Your doubts stem from dating outside your usual type," Martin said. "It's like eighth-grade first love all over again."

"*Seventh* grade!" Penny interjected smugly. "First kiss *and* boyfriend then."

Martin's fork froze mid-air. "…First time too?"

Penny flushed. "You *really* wanna know?"

*Seventh grade?!* Martin's mind reeled. In states 16 marks legal adulthood thresholds, but Penny's teenage rebellion clearly started early.

Noticing his Howard-esque leer, she smacked his arm. "Focus!"

"Right." Martin straightened. "If you choose Leonard, prepare for first love all over again: awkward conversations, mismatched intimacy rhythms… complete reboot."

Penny groaned into the table. "You're *not* helping."

"But—" Martin countered, "—he's stable, kind, and moldable. Unlike Howard's creepiness or Raj's mutism, Leonard's blank slate. You can shape him into your ideal man!"

Penny's eyes lit up—visions of sculpting Leonard into a Leo-esque partner danced in her head.

Martin popped the last onion ring, sighing. From 20+ past relationships, he knew: **Women loved remodeling men**.

*"Why wear *that*? It's hideous!"*

Unconscious molding and then girlfriends bragging to friends: *"He used to be blah blah, now he's blah blah!"*

Men who boasting about "training" their partners? Pure Delusional. To women, they're Play-Doh.

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Chapter 53: Love Consultation