The First Wave of Thoughts

The first vivid memory John had was from when he was about three years old. Just a baby, he could still recall his alcoholic father, Rick, arguing with his mother, Amber. Fists in the air. Screaming. Crying. The chaos of it all was normal—just another night in their home. Even at that age, John had learned that love and violence often coexisted.

Rick always complained that New York held him back. Eventually, he packed up and moved to Michigan, chasing something better. Amber followed, hoping for a fresh start. Life in Allentown was expensive, and jobs were scarce in the '90s. But as many soon realize, a new place doesn't mean a new life. The struggles followed them. Money was tight. Food was scarce. And eventually, the state decided they were unfit parents.

John remembered the panic in his mother's eyes the day they came. She held him close, her voice a desperate whisper.

"Shhh… I love you. You need to stay quiet."

She hid him in the closet, closing the door with trembling hands, praying they wouldn't find him. But it didn't take long. The door swung open, and unfamiliar hands pulled him into a world he didn't understand.

Lost in the System

The foster home was filled with other children, each with their own stories of loss. They tried to comfort John as he cried for his mother, but their words meant nothing. He didn't want their kindness. He wanted to go home.

That was the first time John truly understood sorrow.

Days blurred together. Minutes felt like hours. Hours became days. Days stretched into months. The world outside his window shifted with the seasons. He watched autumn leaves fall from the great oak tree in the front yard, its tire swing swaying in the wind. He stared at the driveway, hoping—praying—that one of the cars pulling in would bring his mother back to him.

Then winter came. The grass disappeared beneath a blanket of white. The wind howled against the glass, turning his world cold and still.

Then, for the first time in months, something changed.

Christmas.

John was called downstairs, where a tree stood, its branches heavy with presents. It was the first time he felt something other than sadness. He watched as the other kids tore open their gifts, their laughter filling the air. For a brief moment, joy flickered in his heart. But the memory faded as quickly as it had come.

The next thing he remembered was the courtroom.

The Hearing

John didn't understand what was happening as he stepped inside. But then he saw her.

"MOM!"

His voice cracked as he ran to her, throwing himself into her arms. Tears streamed down his face as he mumbled into her shoulder.

"Where were you? I missed you!"

Amber held him tight, her own tears falling.

"I'm so sorry, love. It was out of my control. But I promise—I'm doing everything I can to bring you home."

Her words were music to his ears.

Behind her, his grandparents—Papa and Mema—stood, waiting to take the stand. They had come to fight for him, to bring him back to New York where he belonged.

But something was missing.

"Where's Dad?" John asked. "Didn't he miss me?"

Amber's voice softened.

"Life happens in strange ways, sweetheart. But no… your father loves you. He's just staying here to work while we go home to Papa and Mema."

John stared out of the car window as they drove away, watching the snowy roads blur into streaks of white. His reflection in the glass stared back at him, and just like that—

The memory faded.

Back to Reality

John blinked, the glare from the bathroom mirror snapping him back to the present. His own tired eyes stared back at him, reflecting years of memories he could never quite escape.

With a sigh, he opened the cabinet, grabbing his toothbrush. The sound of running water filled the silence as he turned the shower knob, letting the heat pour over him.

As the steam rose around him, his thoughts drifted again—to his teenage years, to the person he used to be.

The joy of childhood had long since slipped away.

The smile that once came so easily was now a stranger.

And for the first time in a long time, John wondered if he would ever find it again.