The beginning

Heaven is the place I want to go,

Heaven is the place I wanna live,

But heaven feels far away...

If I was there in the first light,

Would the world still turn out this way?

If I could change the story we know,

Would the paradise let me stay?

Cassie sang this in a whisper while in her school uniform, walking down the sidewalk to her home in a joyous tune. She was wearing a pale pink shirt and a dark blue skirt. Her black long wavy hair was tied in a ponytail, and she was holding a red water bottle in her hand. Her bag looked heavy with the weight of books. She had pale skin, and she looked tired. But the thing that we noticed first in her was her eyes. She had a blue right eye and a red left eye. She was born with that, and it made her feel special and odd at the same time. She stopped singing and took a drink from her bottle.

Both sides of the road were lined with white fences and houses, giving the area a rich feel. She resumed walking at a rhythmic pace. Trucks and cars passed her, and the evening sun stood about her, casting an orange aura over the place. There were also small stationery shops she passed. She saw pigeons sitting on the roofs of the shops, eating buns that they may have stolen or were given by someone with humanity. She was seventeen, and she already felt like she had lived enough. This life sucked. Once she graduated, she would marry someone her family suggested. She would go to work if she didn't get pregnant, or if she did, her whole life would be about taking care of the children. Her husband would go to work and live his life as he wished, without any responsibility for the kids. She had to quit everything she dreamed of to become a wife. She knew men who supported their wives, but that was also limited.

Her father was the breadwinner, a kind man, but she felt like that was not okay. Her mom sat at home all day, making food and doing house chores. Yes, it may seem normal, but she didn't find it normal. She felt like her mom had sacrificed her dreams and everything for them. Her father was a rich businessman, and the company would naturally go to her brother. That's how things worked in her family. As a seventeen-year-old, she shouldn't be worrying about things like this, but she couldn't help it.

Something was wrong with this world from the beginning. Something wasn't right, and she wanted to change it. She wanted to make the world a better place. But what went wrong? Or was it wrong? Was she the odd one for criticizing everything? Her thoughts were interrupted when she stopped at the crossing line. A lady, holding the hand of a small boy, was walking beside her. The kind lady smiled at her son and described how he should cross the road. The walking signal appeared, and they both crossed together. The boy tightened his mother's hand and walked cautiously between the stopped vehicles. They went in the opposite direction. The place was not crowded; there were fewer people walking.

It must be nice to be a mother, to care and guide. To teach a child who doesn't know anything and feel his love. But things change as he grows up. He will never feel the same towards his mother when he becomes a successful businessman like her brother is going to be. Things are like clouds. Once they shift shape, they will never take the same form again. Every day is different. There is something new, but people forget to notice it now because they are too focused on their lives, work, chaos, gossip, or drama. Things go on and on. But we should stop sometimes, somewhere, to appreciate and enjoy the little things. She noticed a shopkeeper giving a toffee to a child who had bought something from the shop as she passed a bakery. The toffee wasn't part of the things he had bought. It was just a toffee, but the boy might remember it—or maybe not. But it was called kindness. Children don't know the harsh truth of the world, and they should be taught kindness and love before they witness evil. Only then can they overcome evil with love.

She had to pass an alleyway to reach her home, and when she reached it, she noticed it was quiet. The regular shoe seller was not there. He always made her feel safe walking through the alley when he was there. It was the kind of thing girls fear in society—walking alone through a quiet place. They feel a fear that something bad will happen. You can't blame them. She felt like someone was following her. She didn't dare look back. If you don't know what it is, the fear decreases. But she wanted to look and know who it was. She gathered her courage and looked back. She saw a man in a black suit following her. He looked handsome and high-class. He looked decent, but dressing didn't explain if he was decent. She felt a pain in her chest. He wasn't looking at her. He also wore a black hat, and he was tall. She couldn't see his face. She felt like he was following her, and that was her worst fear. He was well-built, and if he attacked her, she would obviously fail.

The shops were closed. She could hear his boot sounds. She tightened her grip on the water bottle and began to walk faster. Her heart was beating, and her body was shivering. She felt like if she didn't walk fast, he would kidnap her. Maybe he was just a passerby. But how could she trust that? His footsteps also quickened. She walked and walked. It would take another two minutes to reach the main road. It would take only one minute for the worst to happen.

"Cassie!" she heard a boy call her. She stopped. When she looked back, the boy was running towards her. He had bright brown curly hair and blue eyes. He was carrying a book and a school bag. They wore the same kind of uniform, except he wore pants instead. She looked around, and the man in the suit was gone. There was no sign of him. She felt like he had disappeared. The creepy feeling crawled inside her like ivy. She looked confused and searched for the man with her eyes.

The boy waved his hand in front of her face to make sure she wasn't dreaming.

"What's wrong?" he asked, turning to search with his eyes.

"Nothing. I saw a man...he was kind of following me..." she explained.

He was her senior and her neighbor. His name was Jonathan. They were childhood friends. His presence made her feel safe and comfortable again.

"Uhhh...I was just behind you from the start of the alleyway. I was quietly behind when I saw. That's why I came running. I didn't see any man, though. Are you sure you saw him?" he looked confused, and somehow she felt like he was telling the truth. Why would he lie to her? Maybe he missed the man, or maybe he went behind the shops through a shortcut. But there was no shortcut. Was she just dreaming? Was it an illusion? How could that happen? She felt like she was going mad.

"Hey, Cassie...are you okay?" he asked, sensing her worried expression.

"You need rest," he said with a gentle smile. He was kind to her. She felt like she was more attached to him than to her own brother. They walked back together. She glanced back at the alleyway before turning to the main road. It was empty and quiet. No sign of anyone. She felt oddly strange.

When they reached her home, he said, "Au revoir, Cassie!" He waved and walked back to his home. It was their way since childhood. They used to say "au revoir" from the movie 13 Going on 30. His home was two doors away. She opened the gate and walked towards the front door.

A boy, around the same age as her, was standing with white roses in his hand, looking at her from the opposite sidewalk of her house. He was hiding behind a large maple tree, breathing heavily with a vengeful expression. He dropped the flowers and walked back toward the way Jonathan and Cassie came.

Cassie entered her home, and her thoughts faded as the fragrance of her mother's food filled the kitchen. She dropped her bag and water bottle on the settee and walked towards the kitchen. Her mother was mopping the kitchen floor. She smiled kindly at her. "I made fairy cakes today."

"My favorite!" Cassie exclaimed. She thought about how, if her mom were as busy as her father, who would make fairy cakes for her? She could make them herself, but it wouldn't be the same. Her mother always added a special flavor to her food. Love. She made everything with love, and that made the food tastier.

"Is Danny not home yet?" Cassie asked, opening the refrigerator.

"Oh, he's with his friends. He told me he was going somewhere," her mother replied, finishing mopping and washing her hands in the nearby sink. Cassie took a drink of water.

"Where?" she asked, holding the water bottle.

"I don't know, baby. He'll look after himself. He's a boy," her mother said with a straight face and a look that meant it was time to stop questioning her brother. Cassie put the water bottle in the refrigerator and closed it. Her brother always came home late. He was nineteen and in college. In school, he also came late after playing football or going out with his gang. Her parents didn't care what he did. But when it came to her, it was a big deal. She couldn't even go to her friend's house without begging a hundred times. Even after that, sometimes she wasn't allowed. Sometimes she felt like it was okay. She preferred sitting at home, writing in her journal or watching Gilmore Girls. But she had the urge to go because her brother went out. Why should boys have all the fun? Her brother wasn't evil. Every time he went out, he bought her something to eat, hairclips, earrings, and he had good taste. But he had privileges that she didn't, and she hated that.

She ate the fairy cakes in the dining hall. They made her feel good, and her tiredness suddenly faded.

"Can I go to Jonathan? He borrowed a book from me." It was a lie. She just wanted to check if she could go. She and Jonathan used to hang out as kids, but that stopped after they became teenagers. She didn't know why that happened.

"Tell him to come here and give it to you," her mom said casually. "He used to like fairy cakes too when he was a kid," she added.

"Never mind. I'll get it from school," Cassie said, rolling her eyes.

She later crawled into her bed, in the room near the window, tucked herself inside the blanket, and put on Gilmore Girls. Her room was dim with only the lamp light. She had cute stickers of red chrysanthemums and roses on the walls. A mirror was attached to a table for makeup. Her wardrobe was ocean blue with green leaf paintings, giving it an aesthetic look. She had a bookshelf, and scented candles were on the shelf. A ring and a diary sat on her bedside table, next to a glass vase filled with water but no flowers.

"Oh, shit," she got up from her bed. She suddenly remembered she had forgotten about her boyfriend. He was supposed to meet her after school, after the alleyway incident. But the man in the suit had made her forget everything. She took her phone and opened it, only to find a message from him.

Ethan: I told you not to talk to him.

Ethan was kind of jealous of Jonathan. She didn't take it seriously enough. She told him over and over that Jonathan was like her brother, but Ethan couldn't accept that. It was like there was a deeper meaning to her relationship with Jonathan. Maybe in a parallel world, she would have been his wife, and that feeling still existed in this world, making Ethan jealous. She had no other explanation. She laughed at her own thoughts.

A torchlight flashed through her window. She opened the white curtains and spotted Ethan standing on the sidewalk. He pointed to his phone in a way for her to understand to check it.

Ethan: Come down. We need to talk.

Cassie: He's my friend.

She typed in anger. She saw through the window that Ethan was heated from that message, looking at her with a killing gaze.

Ethan: Come down.

Cassie: Wait.

Cassie never went outside after evening, but his look was dangerous. It made her feel bad and emotional. She didn't know why he never saw things from her point of view. It was always about him. He hung out with everyone, regardless of gender, but when she talked with a brotherly figure, he couldn't accept it. He was angry. And he was out at night. It was almost 8 PM. Her mother would call for dinner any minute, and if she wasn't in her room and was with a boy in the road, she would be dead. But she was willing to take the risk for him. She was emotionally attached to him. She opened the window, and suddenly, she saw him slowly becoming less tempered as she did what he told her. She went down the pipeline and walked toward the road in silence. Her mother would be in the living room watching television, so she wouldn't focus until dinner time, which would happen any minute.

"I don't want you to go with him anymore," he said, like an advice. "That boy is creepy."

Jonathan was the most decent boy she knew, and she couldn't accept it. "You're just jealous. You stop hanging out with other girls, then," she hissed, making him jump. He looked at her, raising his eyebrows and temper. He didn't like her talking back to him. She stepped back to the road from the sidewalk as he came straight toward her with clenched fists. She felt terrified.

"Okay. I will not go out with him if that solves the problem," she said gently, trying to calm him. "Calm down. You're scaring me," she pleaded.

The night sparkled above them, witnessing their quarrel. The grass on the sidewalk moved gently. It was as if the universe was waiting for something, preparing for something.

"This is not about him anymore. You are a pathetic girlfriend who doesn't value my words. You don't understand me. You are just unbearable. You just commented about me going with my girlfriends," he shouted and stepped toward the road. She moved back. They were now standing at the center, shouting and pleading. She was trying to calm him. He was shouting, his anger rising every second.

Somehow, it hurt his ego that she commented about his toxic behavior. She should be the one shouting at him, but she had no explanation for why she didn't. She stood there listening to him shout. She heard the sound of a vehicle from afar and horns, but she didn't care. She listened to him.

"You are pathetic. Your existence just makes me feel sick! I am your boyfriend. Not him. I was waiting for you here with flowers, Cassie—"

She heard the vehicle come closer. It sounded like a truck. She didn't care. She felt like she should accept it. It was better than a future with him. Death was better. The horn's voice rose.

Crash.

Emptiness crawled over her mind. She was standing there in blackness, unable to see anything or hear anything. Clouds began to circle her. Ethan was close to her, but he was in a deep sleep. The shouting stopped.

"Ethan," she tried saying, but no voice came out of her mouth. She felt like, between the spiral of clouds, they were traveling somewhere unknown. Was it a dream? She looked down through the space in the clouds and saw a glimpse of two children, covered in blood, lying in the road, with the man in the suit near them. She tried to scream, but no voice came out. The man in the suit looked up, attaching his gaze to her eyes. He felt mysterious. His gaze gave a chill to her heart. The hole in the cloud closed. The motion of the clouds increased. She was spiraling. Spiraling. Spiraling. Her eyes slowly closed due to the increased motion.

[ to be continued ]