MR. GHOST ( 3 )
"I said I wanted to live a life without regrets," Mr. Ghost replied confidently.
(A life without regrets!?)
I was at a loss for words. Did he just say he wanted to live without regrets!?
GAME OVER.
Goodbye, my world. I'm never going back. Owari da.
"This is insane. In other words, I've just been given an impossible quest."
If I had to put it in gaming terms, it would be something like this:
Player got quest!
Mission: You must make the King who summoned you have an affair with the Demon King!
Reward: Eternal World Peace
Note:
Both the King and the Demon King are perfectly normal straight family men who dearly love their wives and daughters.You cannot reject this quest.
Just make me solo the whole world instead—it'd be way easier.
In other words, the situation I've been thrown into is that impossible.
Does Mr. Ghost not realize this at all? How the hell am I supposed to pull this off!?
(Mr. Ghost, do you even understand what you're asking for? Do you REALLY understand just how impossible this is!?)
I had to make sure the words he said and the words I heard were the same.
"Yes, I'm fully aware. In my second life, I want to live without regrets," Mr. Ghost repeated once more, making sure I didn't mishear him.
(Mr. Ghost, do you even understand what 'living without regrets' actually means?)
I asked with a serious expression.
"Yes, I'm dead serious."
Mr. Ghost answered with equal seriousness.
(Can I talk seriously for a moment, Mr. Ghost? I need you to listen carefully to my thoughts on your goal.)
Mr. Ghost looked at me without saying a word, as if giving me permission to speak my mind.
'I want to live without regrets.'
That was Mr. Ghost's wish. A simple request on the surface, yet one that contained an absurdity so impossible, no human could ever achieve it.
What does it mean to live without regrets?
It means living with absolute pride in every decision you've made, never believing you've made a mistake.
In other words—perfection.
Can a human truly be perfect?
I can say with absolute certainty: it's impossible.
Even just for the sake of argument, let's say there exists a 'Perfect Human (A),' and they live in a way that's considered 'wrong' by another person (B).
What happens then?
If (A) admits their mistake, then the very idea that they were 'perfect' collapses instantly.
But if (A) silences (B) to erase the existence of their mistake, does that really make them perfect again?
Conflict is the driving force of human evolution. Differences in what's considered 'right' are inherently subjective—everyone has their own beliefs and justifications behind their idea of 'truth.'
Even if a person makes a 'correct' decision, as they age and gain experience, they may later discover a choice that was even more correct.
If the concept of 'truth' is so subjective, then how could a human possibly achieve true perfection through an 'absolute truth' that satisfies everyone?
Living without regrets = Perfection + Absolute Truth
That is an equation that has never once been solved in all of human history, even at the cost of bloodshed.
I'm just an ordinary human. Even in my previous world, I made mistakes all the time.
More often than not, I found myself thinking, "I could've done that better."
In other words, I've never been satisfied.
So then, how the hell am I supposed to grant Mr. Ghost's request?
(So now you understand, right, Mr. Ghost?)
(I'm nowhere near perfect enough to fulfill your request.)
I emphasized my point once again.
"That's exactly why I'm sure you can do it, Carlo."
Mr. Ghost looked at me with unwavering faith—like I was the one person he could entrust his life to.
(Did you not listen to a single word I just said!?)
(The only thing I can do is try my best to help you, Mr. Ghost!)
(I don't even know what kind of regrets you have yet!)
(And I'm not nearly confident enough to believe I can perfectly solve every problem that comes our way!)
(I'm not perfect!)
"That's exactly why I believe in you."
Mr. Ghost's voice carried even more conviction.
"Your ability to understand your limits, your awareness of what you can and can't do, your determination to try your hardest regardless…
Those are all things I never had.
Honestly, I'm jealous of that.
Why couldn't I have reached that understanding back then?
That's why I know you can do better than I did.
And that alone is enough for me not to have any regrets."
Those were the genuine words of a man burdened by so much regret that he was given a second chance at life.
A declaration of absolute trust from someone who had once failed and now placed his faith in me—the person he chose to carry out his second life.
(Mr. Ghost, you bastard…!)
(Your words hit me so hard, even the shower water is getting in my eyes…!)
I turned off the shower, grabbed a towel, and stepped out, drying my wet body.
"So… are you really going to do this?"
Mr. Ghost asked, giving me one final chance to walk away.
I had no idea how long it would take to fulfill his request.
But after being entrusted with this much faith, as a true man, there was only one answer I could give.
(Of course I'll do it!)
I responded with a confident grin, filled with fighting spirit, ready to face whatever bleak future awaited us.
"…"
Mr. Ghost said nothing.
He simply smiled back and held out his fist.
(Heh.)
I smirked and raised my own fist to meet his.
And in that moment—when our fists touched—an absolute bond of friendship was formed.
From now on, we would support each other through every trial ahead.
Our fists connected.
…We could actually touch each other.
Even though he's a ghost…
"ULTRA HEAT FIST!!!!"
Without hesitation, I swung my burning fist—ignited by the flames of passion and camaraderie—right at him.
"UGH—!!"
Mr. Ghost was sent flying, crashing through the bathroom wall and out of the apartment.
---
(Ah… sorry, Mr. Ghost. The moment I realized that we could actually touch each other, my body just… moved on its own, overflowing with rage—err, I mean passion. But hey, we're comrades now, right? Let's just put the past behind us and move forward.)
That was the excuse I gave to Mr. Ghost.
After all, we had just exchanged a fist bump of brotherhood—a bond that could rival the legendary brotherhood of Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei.
Of course, I'm Liu Bei in this scenario.
That way, if anything bad happens, at least I'll be the last one standing out of the three.
Not that I plan to die miserably on my deathbed, mourning the loss of my sworn brothers—don't worry, Mr. Ghost, you'll always be in my heart.
Even though you're already literally a ghost.
In other words, I'm Liu Bei, carrying on the hopes of the ghostly Guan Yu and Zhang Fei.
"Ugh… your punch really hurt, you know."
Mr. Ghost groaned as he floated back into the bathroom, phasing through the wall he had just been sent flying through.
"It's not like I don't understand, though.
This might actually be the first punch I've felt in this second life of mine.
Considering what I did in the past, I probably deserved that punch."
"Oh, and by the way—if we're talking Three Kingdoms, I refuse to be like Guan Yu or Zhang Fei of Shu.
I'd much rather be Cao Cao of Wei."
Oho, so this ghost would rather have his ambitions and achievements stolen by future generations, huh?
(A reference to the Sima family—where Sima Yi, the famous rival of Zhuge Liang, come from would ultimately seize control of Wei latter at Cao Pi Reign.)
(Alright, let's put an end to our jokes and start focusing on what we actually need to do next. So, Mr. Ghost, what's the first step you want to take in this second life of yours?)
"That's a great question, my friend. Let's see… If we're talking about my future in this second life—
plus, considering I'm now in my prime, just starting high school—
there's only one thing that takes top priority."
Mr. Ghost spoke with a determined voice as he revealed his next goal.
"…Promise me you won't laugh."
He stared at me with unusual seriousness.
(Of course, I won't laugh, Mr. Ghost. In fact, given our eternal brotherhood, from now on, I shall call you… Mr. G! It's a nickname that represents the peak of our friendship. So, go ahead and say it, Mr. G—don't hold back!)
I reassured him with all the sincerity of a true comrade. Even if he turned out to be the Ultimate NEET, I would accept him for who he was.
"I want a girlfriend."
Mr. G declared without a shred of hesitation.
"I want a girlfriend, comrade."
Once again, Mr. G voiced his wish.
"I WANT A GIRLFRIEND, COMRADE! HELP ME! EVEN IN DEATH, I DIED A VIRGIN! I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO THIRTY, SO I NEVER QUALIFIED TO BECOME A WIZARD!"
For the third time, Mr. G desperately pleaded for my help, looking utterly pitiful.
(Hahahaha—Mr. G, so this is what you want, huh?)
I could only laugh, smiling at the tragic yet endearing nature of my comrade's plight.
He looked like some sad, middle-aged boar, groveling at the feet of a freshly-graduated middle schooler in a desperate bid for his first girlfriend.
But no matter how pathetic he seemed, I refused to judge him.
Because I was his true comrade.
And so, there was only one thing I could say in response:
"That's impossible. Because I'm also still a virgin." i say it with my own mouth not my mind.
For the first time in my life, I spoke with pure, heartfelt honesty, revealing the truth—
That we were equals.
That we were brothers-in-arms, walking the same path toward our 30-year-old Wizard Certification.
That there was no hierarchy between us when it came to our shared quest for the Holy Grail, known only to the chosen ones among men who popular with women.
WE WERE TRUE KNIGHTS STILL JOURNEYING THROUGH THIS WORLD IN SEARCH OF EXCALIBUR'S SCABBARD, THE ONLY THING THAT COULD TAME THE HOLY SWORD WE WERE BORN WITH.
(So I can't help you with that at all, Mr. G. Considering I have zero experience myself.)
"That's impossible!!! I specifically asked for someone who could help me, meaning at the very least, that person should have some experience in romance and have dated at least once in their life. So there's no way you're a wizard apprentice like me!"
Sigh… Mr. G was now going through the denial phase, realizing that his first-ever wish seemed impossible to fulfill. But what could I do? The only girls I had ever conquered were the countless heroines in galge games, which meant they were nothing but anime heroines…
Wait a minute. Anime girls?
I was sent to a world where the people had anime-like appearances.
Doesn't that mean I qualify as someone experienced!?
Wait, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense…
GOD IS A FOOL
— (Virgin Alpha Philosopher)
(Come on, Mr. G, stay positive! Besides, your way of thinking is already wrong. You got a second chance at life, and the first thing you think about is getting a girlfriend? As a filial son, shouldn't you first think about making your family happy—like your parents and your little sister? This is exactly why you failed in your past life, Mr. G.)
"Ugh!"
Without even landing a punch, Mr. G took his second hit in just a few minutes—this time, directly targeting his subconscious.
"You're absolutely right, comrade! I should prioritize making my family happy first!" Mr. G stood back up, now with a newfound resolution.
(Before that, let's weigh ourselves first! After all, as they say, a healthy mind comes from a healthy body.)
I walked over to the bathroom scale to check Carlo's current body weight.
Open Sesame!
Let's see what the ideal weight for this body should be…
93 kg.
That was the weight of a 15-year-old boy standing at around 170 cm.
I'M DOOMED.
---
Let's just give up on achieving an ideal weight in time for my high school debut.
At 93 kg, reaching a healthy and fit body shape would take at least 7–9 months of consistent exercise and dieting. But with only two months left until the start of high school, it was impossible.
As Mr. G and I walked while discussing workout plans and diet strategies to get my body into better shape, we eventually reached the dining room—only to come across Carla, who looked exhausted.
I was glancing around, likely searching for Mom, who was nowhere to be seen.
I carefully tried to walk past my little sister without getting noticed.
Ah. Our eyes met.
"Carlo!!!"
Carla called out to me without a shred of respect, showing just how annoyed she was after being forced to endure her first-ever life crisis.
Hmph. Those eyes filled with resentment…
I understood her anger, but if I truly wanted to fulfill Mr. G's wish for a life without regrets, I had no choice but to build a good relationship with my adorable little sister.
"Want me to buy you some ice cream, lil' sis?" I asked with a friendly smile, trying to show that I wasn't her enemy but an ally she could rely on.
"I want two."
Carla responded, agreeing to make amends.
I was grateful that my little sister understood just how important the concept of bribery was in life.
"Alright, I'll head out to buy some."
I then walked toward the front door, eager to see the city that would be my new home.
I was getting excited.
"I want melon and vanilla flavor!" Carla called out from behind.
With that, I stepped outside to greet this new world and my second life—even though, technically, its not even my second life.
(Ohayo sekai! Good morning, world!)