Paranoia, Comfort, and Doubt

When we first entered my house, I looked around at the unfamiliar yet strangely familiar surroundings.

It was a typical home, nothing like the mansion I had before. The simple wooden floors were ridiculously small compared to my old place. The white walls were a bit faded, and the furniture was ordinary I saw a welcome mat and a small table in the entryway.

I walked in and immediately noticed the living room a simple three-seater sofa and a 25-inch TV, with a small coffee table in the center. It was small compared to what I was used to, but apparently this was the average size for a normal person.

As Himari went somewhere, I looked around to learn about my new home. In the kitchen, I saw some cold leftovers and clean dishes Himari must have washed them after we had dinner before I went to the hospital.

Guided by my faint childhood memories of this world, I struggled to find my own room. When I opened a door, I saw a neatly made bed with blue sheets, a study desk, and scattered school supplies, showing that my "life" here was not very organized.

I quickly started rummaging through the dresser drawers, looking for anything that could help me. I needed to prepare for when they come to kill me. If only I had heard everything clearly, I'd know who's trying to kill me.

'She said something about love...a relative? Or an acquaintance?...or someone I'll meet later?...difficult...I need help, maybe the police? But they'll think I'm crazy...' My paranoia was in full swing.

I hate how paranoid I am in this life everything is so stressful. I started pacing around the room, feeling another anxiety attack coming on. As I searched my closet, I found casual outfits and school uniforms, as well as some erotic magazines and other useless items.

'Why...why...why...' My paranoid mind combined with the anxiety, and I started to breathe with some difficulty. I tried to calm my mind by thinking about my past life, but I couldn't let these strange memories and feelings overwhelm me.

I closed the drawers and the closet, then went to the desk that I assumed was used for studying. I found only useless school materials I didn't need books, I needed something to protect myself, to know who's going to kill me. I didn't want to die and go to another world just to die again.

Tears started falling again as the anxiety attack hit full force. While crying, I continued searching until I found a small floral notebook, a diary. Maybe I could find something in there, as Sayuri mentioned she would give me a life in the existing worlds. That meant in most worlds, she must have built a life for me. I didn't know the extent or how it worked, but it was a fact that I, Shizune Accursed, already had a life in this world, which meant I might have already met the person who's going to kill me.

However, it also meant I had allies, and based on the diary, I've known Himari since childhood, so she's reliable. I also have my mother, although she's traveling.

Knock knock.

"Shizune, can I come in?" I heard Himari's voice.

"Yes, come in." Although I felt paranoid, distressed, and anxious, I didn't feel any physical problems, probably because I've already gained experience as Shizune.

"Shizune, why are you crying? Had another anxiety attack?" The diary mentioned I've been having these attacks constantly for the past few years.

"Yes..." I told Himari, and she came to me, hugging and gently stroking my head, which calmed me down right away. I don't understand why Himari has such an effect on me.

"Himari...could you...stay with me? Just for a few days...until my mom gets back?" I didn't want to be alone, not knowing when I might be killed. If I'm with Himari, at least I'll have help.

She smiled kindly at me.

"Of course I can, Shizune. I've already heated up yesterday's dinner...haha, but I can guarantee it's delicious."

"Yes...I bet it is." I tried to cheer up a bit. When I'm around Himari, my paranoia and anxiety decrease. Is this what it means to have a trusted friend? I may not know Himari very well, but I know she's reliable and a great friend. I wish I had gained more than just a few memories in this life.

In my past life, I didn't have any trustworthy friends, only flatterers and greedy people. That makes me think of Sayuri, she was the only one who didn't stay with me for material interests. It makes me feel bad, as she seemed to be suffering so much when she discovered the betrayal. Although the fact that she killed and cursed me was too much, how was I supposed to know my girlfriend was the literal embodiment of death?

"Are you thinking about something, Shizune?" Himari asked as she released me from the hug.

"Yes...I was thinking about the past. Anyway, let's eat? We can't let the food get cold again, right?" I tried to smile at her.

"Yes! It's delicious, I guarantee it!" She jumped excitedly, her breasts bouncing. I couldn't help but stare hypnotized, and she then took my hand, leading me to the kitchen.

We sat at the table, and she served me some kind of mushroom stew.

'I hate mushrooms...' I ate it anyway, not having the right to complain.

"Shizune, I know you hate mushrooms, but you know it's good for your health. You were a bit sick, so I made this stew. And look, you even fainted, so you need to eat better, okay?" She said, seeing the face I made while eating.

"...Pfff...sounds like a mom talking." I joked, and the annoying paranoia completely disappeared when I'm with her.

"Hehehe, you can call me Mama Himari." As she joined the playful banter, I took a spoonful of the stew. I don't like mushrooms in this life either, what a coincidence?

"Okay, 'Mama Himari,' what's for dessert?" I asked her as I continued eating. I think this is the first time in a long while that I've had such an animated dinner conversation.

In my past life, these kinds of lively chats only happened with Sayuri.

'Was I too greedy...should I have valued what I had more?' This type of thought is something my new life has made me more sentimental about. I was wrong, very wrong. I shouldn't have betrayed the only person who loved me, just for momentary pleasure.

"We have ta-da! Homemade chocolate chip cookies!" She announced it dramatically while uncovering a small tray of cookies.

"Oh...can I?" I reached for one, but she lightly smacked my hand, making me pull back.

"Mm-mm, Mama Himari says you should finish your main meal first." She pretended to be serious, but her eyebrows were trembling as she pouted to hold back a laugh.

"Hahaha." I laughed at her "mom" imitation, and then I quickly finished my stew so I could eat the cookies.

As soon as I finished the stew, I set the bowl aside.

"Can I have the cookies now, Mama Himari?" I said with a little smile, and she burst out laughing at my childish hand gesture.

I took a bite of the cookie, and it was good...and strangely calming. As soon as I tasted it, I felt my worries slip away.

"Shizune, I'm going to tidy up the room, okay?" Himari said as she got up from the chair. When she passed by me, I grabbed her hand.

"Wait, don't you want any? They're delicious." I pointed to the cookie tray, and for a moment, I thought I saw a strange coldness in her gaze, but I dismissed it as an illusion.

"You can have them all, I'm not hungry." She made a gesture on her stomach as if to indicate she was full.

'Wait...but I didn't see her eating anything with me.' Strangely, although she had a bowl of stew, she didn't take a single bite.

"Himari, then I'll leave some for you, okay?" She looked at the cookies.

"Alright, just don't forget...too many sweets are bad for you." She playfully scolded me with her finger, and we both laughed.

She went to the rooms, and I finished the cookies, leaving some for her. They were strangely good and comforting, and I wonder what the recipe is.

After I finished, I went to the rooms and saw her setting up a sleeping bag next to my bed.

"Himari, I left the cookies on the table, okay?" She nodded as she focused on setting up the sleeping bag. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, and when I returned to the room, I found her trapped inside the sleeping bag in a ridiculous position.

"How? Just how?" I asked her.

"I don't know..." She somehow managed to get stuck inside the sleeping bag, and the position looked absurd.

"Help here?" She asked with puppy dog eyes.

"Haa...sure." I ended up forgetting my problems because of her energetic and fun personality. After I helped her get out of the sleeping bag, she went to the kitchen.

I lay down on the bed.

'She's going to sleep in my room...I guess it's okay, so if someone breaks in, she can help me right away.'

"HIMARI, GOOD NIGHT!" I yelled from my room.

"GOOD NIGHT, SHIZUNE! DREAM OF ME AND TELL ME HOW I LOOK WITH WINGS!" She made a joke about the "dream of angels" saying, making me chuckle lightly.

"SURE, I'LL TELL YOU TOMORROW!" I soon covered myself with the blanket and closed my eyes to sleep, feeling safe with such a nice friend by my side.

"..."

"..."

"I'm thirsty..." I woke up in the middle of the night. I saw Himari sleeping in the sleeping bag, and I carefully got up to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water.

"She forgot a little snack packet on the table...wait, but didn't she make the food yesterday? Did she cook something while I was sleeping?"

I saw a small seasoning packet on the sink, and when I opened the trash can, I was surprised by what I saw.

"The...stew...and the cookies?"