CHAPTER 5: YONDERLY

When she was done, she glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked presentable, but she felt like a fraud. She was hiding so much beneath the surface, pretending that everything was fine when it was anything but.

With a deep sigh, she grabbed her bag and headed out the door, steeling herself for the day ahead. As she walked to school, her mind was plagued with thoughts of Jake and her own troubled heart.

She felt alone, even amongst the crowds of students milling about. She longed for the comfort and understanding that she felt when she was with Sunghoon, but she knew that she couldn't seek solace in him. It was too risky, too dangerous.

Jiwon was at her side, walking with her to school. Jiwon noticed something was off with Eunha.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked, looking at her friend with concern. "You seem distracted today."

Eunha gave her a smile, trying to mask her true feelings. "I'm just tired," she lied, shrugging it off. "Didn't sleep well last night, that's all."

Jiwon wasn't convinced. "Are you sure that's all it is?" she pressed gently. "You look like you've been crying."

Eunha's heart sank at Jiwon's astute observation. "I'm fine," she repeated, feeling the weight of her lie. "Seriously, it's just a lack of sleep."

Jiwon studied her friend for a moment, trying to read her expression. She knew Eunha well enough to tell when she was hiding something, but she didn't want to press the issue if she wasn't ready to talk.

"Okay," she said finally, relenting. "But you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I'm here for you, no matter what."

Eunha appreciated her friend's understanding. "I know," she said, forcing a small smile. "And I will, when I'm ready. Thanks, Jiwon."

Jiwon nodded, giving her a reassuring pat on the back. "Alright. Just don't shut me out completely, okay? I know something's going on, and I just want to help if I can."

Eunha nodded silently, feeling a pang of guilt for keeping things from her friend. But the secret of her engagement was too big, too complicated to share. She didn't want to burden Jiwon with her problems on top of everything else.

As they walked, Jiwon tried to keep up a light conversation, but Eunha's mind was elsewhere. She was grateful for her friend's presence, but her worries about Jake and her own future continued to plague her thoughts.

They finally arrived at their classroom, and Jiwon gave Eunha one last glance before finding her seat. Eunha took her usual place, feeling the eyes of her classmates on her. She tried to ignore their stares and act normal, but it was difficult to keep up the facade.

As she sat there, the door opened, and Sunghoon walked in. His appearance caught Eunha's attention, and her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't help but feel a little brighter at the sight of him.

Despite her troubles, Sunghoon had a way of lifting her mood just by being near. She watched him as he took his seat, wishing she could talk to him and tell him everything that was bothering her.

But she couldn't. She knew she had to keep her distance, to keep up the charade of her engagement. It was a cruel twist of fate that the one person she wanted to talk to was the one person she couldn't.

As the class began, Eunha tried to focus on the lesson, but her mind kept wandering back to Sunghoon. He was so close, yet so unreachable. It was torture.

She snuck glances at him whenever the teacher wasn't looking, studying the way he wrote notes or the way his hair fell over his forehead. She longed to talk to him, to hear his voice, to feel the comfort of his presence.

But everytime she looked at him, she was reminded of her situation. Her engagement, her duties as a future businesswoman, and her responsibility to her family. It all came crashing back, like a bucket of ice water to her heart.

As the first period drew to a close, Sunghoon turned toward Eunha. "Hey," he said, keeping his voice low so as not to attract attention. "I wanted to ask you something about yesterday."

"What about it?" she asked, attempting to sound nonchalant, but failing miserably.

Sunghoon noticed the slight tremble in her voice and smiled reassuringly. "I was wondering if you had fun," he said, his eyes locked on hers. "You seemed a little quiet on the way back."

Eunha felt a pang of guilt. She had been so consumed by her own troubles that she hadn't fully appreciated his company. "I did have fun," she assured him, forcing a small smile. "I'm sorry if I seemed a bit distracted. I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

Sunghoon nodded, sensing that there was more to her worries than she was letting on. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked, his tone gentle. "I'm here if you need someone to listen."

Eunha wanted desperately to pour her heart out to him, to tell him everything that was weighing on her. But she knew she couldn't. Not yet, at least. "It's nothing," she lied, trying to brush off his concern. "Just the stresses of life, you know?"

Sunghoon looked at her, clearly not convinced by her flimsy excuse. But he didn't press the issue, not wanting to pry if she wasn't ready to talk. "Okay," he said, still holding her gaze. "Just know that I'm always here for you, if you need me."

Eunha felt a surge of longing at his words. He cared for her so much, and she felt like a fraud for hiding the truth from him. But she had no choice. "Thank you," she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper. "It means a lot to me."

For a moment, they just looked at each other, their eyes saying more than their words ever could. Eunha longed to reach out and touch his hand, to feel the warmth of his skin and the comfort of his presence. But she kept her hands firmly clasped together under the desk.

The tension between them was palpable, but just as it was becoming unbearable, the bell signaling the end of class sounded. Eunha almost flinched at the sudden noise, grateful for the interruption yet resentful of it at the same time.

"We'd better get to our next classes," Sunghoon said reluctantly, breaking the spell between them. He gathered his things, and Eunha did the same, still feeling the weight of her secret pressing down on her.

They left the classroom together, blending into the crowd of students in the hallways. As they walked, Eunha stole glances at Sunghoon, her heart heavy with unsaid words and unexpressed feelings.

She longed to tell him everything, to let him see past the facade and into the tangle of emotions that was her heart. But she knew that doing so would only make her life more complicated, and Sunghoon's life more difficult. So she stayed silent, hiding her true feelings behind a mask of normalcy.

It was break time, and Eunha and her friends had gathered in the school's crowded cafeteria. Eunha picked at her food, her appetite gone. She watched as her friends chatted and laughed, feeling a pang of jealousy at their carefree smiles. If only she could be like them, free from the weight of her secrets.

Jiwon and the others were engrossed in conversation, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Eunha tried to join in, to laugh and chat like everything was normal. But the words felt hollow, and the smiles she forced herself to make felt strained. She felt like she was watching the scene from outside herself, separate from the carefree world around her.

Jiwon, ever observant, noticed Eunha's distraction. She leaned closer to her, nudging her gently. "Hey," she said, keeping her voice low so the others wouldn't overhear, "I've been meaning to ask you something about Sunghoon."

Eunha's heart skipped a beat at the mention of his name. She tried to keep her expression neutral even though her pulse quickened. "What about him?" she asked, casually taking a sip of water.

Jiwon leaned in closer, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. "So," she began, grinning mischievously, "are you two an official thing now, or are you still at the 'friends' phase?"

Eunha felt her cheeks color slightly. She had forgotten how easily Jiwon could read her. "We're just friends," she said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Nothing more."

Jiwon raised an eyebrow, her grin growing wider. "Oh really? Just friends?" she said, her tone teasing. "Then why were you two all cozy and whispering during class? That didn't look like just friends to me."

Eunha felt a pang of guilt. Had they been that obvious? She glanced at Sunghoon, who was several feet away, chatting with their other friends. "We were just talking," she said quickly, hoping Jiwon would drop the subject.

Jiwon grin widened further, her eyes glinting with amusement. "That's what I thought," she said, her tone laced with teasing. "You two are clearly into each other, but you're both too stubborn to admit it."

Eunha felt the heat creeping up her neck. She hated how right Jiwon was. Of course she had develop feelings for him, but admitting it was a whole other matter altogether. "It's not that simple," she muttered, trying to downplay their connection.

Eunha sighed, frustration creeping into her voice. "It's complicated, okay?" she said, her tone turning defensive. "Besides, we can't be together. It's just not possible."

Jiwon looked surprised by her insistence. "Why not?" she pressed, her tone less teasing and more concerned. "Do your parents not approve of him or something?"

Eunha shook her head, feeling the weight of her secret press down on her. "No, it's not that," she said firmly, willing her friend to drop it. "It's just... complicated, okay? Just drop it, Jiwon. Please."

Jiwon studied her for a moment, sensing that there was more to the story than Eunha was letting on. But she recognized the desperation in her friend's voice, and decided to let it go for now. "Okay, okay," she said reluctantly, relenting. "I'll drop it... for now."

Eunha felt a mixture of gratitude and fear. She was grateful to Jiwon for not pushing her, but she also feared what would happen if she continued to pry further. She didn't want to lie to her best friend, but she couldn't tell her the truth either.

A few days later, Jiwon organized a sleepover at her place. Eunha was hesitant at first, but Jiwon insisted, saying it would be fun. Eunha agreed to come, hoping that a night away from home would help take her mind off her troubled heart.

As the night progressed, the mood of the sleepover became lighter and more relaxed. The girls talked about boys, watched movies, and ate snacks. Jiwon's mom had ordered pizza and snacks for them, making sure they had everything they needed for their girls' night in.

It was late by the time they finished their movies, and the girls were getting ready for bed. Jiwon's parents had set up sleeping bags and extra blankets in the living room for them. The girls changed into their pajamas and settled into their makeshift beds, chatting quietly as they made themselves comfortable.

As Jiwon settled into her sleeping bag, she realized someone was missing. Eunha had disappeared to the restroom a while ago, but she hadn't returned yet. Jiwon glanced around the dark living room, but there was no sign of her friend.

Feeling a bit worried, Jiwon decided to go check on Eunha. She got up from her sleeping bag and padded quietly down the hallway towards the bathroom. As she approached, she could hear the sound of running water from inside.

Jiwon knocked softly on the bathroom door, calling out to Eunha. "Eunha, you in there?" she asked, listening for a reply. There was a pause, and then the sound of running water stopped.

Eunha's voice came from the other side of the door, sounding tired. "Yeah, I'm here," she said. "Just washing up."

Eunha emerged from the bathroom, feeling self conscious about her puffy eyes. Jiwon looked at her sympathetically, noticing the signs of her distress. "Hey," she said softly, taking Eunha's arm gently. "Come on. Let's go to my room."

Eunha nodded, letting Jiwon lead her down the hallway to her room. Once they were safely inside, with the door closed behind them, Jiwon sat down on her bed and gestured for Eunha to join her.

Eunha sat down beside her, feeling more vulnerable now that they were alone. Jiwon studied her for a moment, clearly concerned about her state. "Are you okay?" she asked, placing a comforting hand on Eunha's shoulder.

Eunha shook her head, feeling a lump rise in her throat. She didn't trust herself to speak without crying.

Jiwon wrapped an arm around Eunha's shoulders, pulling her closer. "You can tell me what's going on, you know," she said softly, rubbing soothing circles on Eunha's back.

In the quiet safety of Jiwon's room, Eunha finally broke down and poured out her heart. She told her best friend everything, about the engagement, the secret, and the weight she had been carrying in silence.

Jiwon listened with a sympathetic ear, her expression growing increasingly concerned as Eunha shared her story. When she finally fell silent, Jiwon gently took her hand. "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she asked softly.

Eunha looked down at their intertwined hands, feeling a mix of guilt and relief. "I was too ashamed," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I didn't want you to think badly of me."

Eunha paused, biting her lip. "Jake called me a while ago," she said, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. "He wanted to check-in, make sure I was behaving myself."

Jiwon frowned, her grip on Eunha's hand tightening. "What do you mean, 'behaving yourself?'" she asked, looking at her friend with a mixture of confusion and anger. "He doesn't trust you or something?"

Eunha sighed, feeling the weight of guilt and longing on her heart. "It's not just that," she said, her voice quiet. "It's... it's Sunghoon."

Jiwon raised an eyebrow, clearly surprised by the shift in topic. "Sunghoon?" she repeated, looking at Eunha curiously. "What about him?"

Eunha took a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain. "We've been hanging out a lot lately," she admitted, meeting Haneul's gaze. "And..." She trailed off, unsure how to put her feelings into words.

Jiwon leaned forward, clearly interested. "And?" she prompted, her eyes wide with anticipation.