we need more than coffee

To: griffincaleb@gmail.com 

From: Skylarlodge@gmail.com 

Subject: Therapy.

I walk to my kitchen to grab a wake up coffee only to find Erik lying face down on my couch.

"Erik? Erik?" I call out to him.

"Hey sis, sorry fell asleep waiting for you to wake up," he sits upright.

"Why?" I walk in the direction of the kitchen.

"I unloaded a lot of things on you yesterday, I just want to be here for you," he follows me to the kitchen.

Yeah! We need more than coffee and definitely not alcohol.

I start removing ingredients from the cupboards for a simple breakfast meal. Both our favorites - bacon and pear breakfast warp.

"Unloaded? Yesterday morning I just knew that i wasn't lucky enough in the family department only for later that day to find out I am actually not even part of the family then later on in the night for my doctor to tell me there's more-"

"You spoke to Doctor Harper?"

"Yeah, shouldn't I have? Or afraid he will let something slip?" I start cutting up the pears and avocado a little faster than necessary.

"No. Of course not. I just thought you were with Aliysha," he takes the knife away from me and does the cutting.

I switched to the bacons," how do you know I was with her?"

"She told me, after we realized that you had gone mia,"

"How can she tell you-"

"She is an intern at the company. Met her at the first day, even thought it was you but you didn't tell me about internship nor do you dress in a flashy kind of way,"

"And you couldn't tell me?"

"Girl.. you know I couldn't,"

We go silent as I fry up the bacon and wrap it and pour us strong black coffee.

"Tell me. When did you find out?"

"Ten years ago," he makes a non committal sound. " Still as good as always," he hmms as the food hits his mouth.

"Be serious," my face remains pensive.

I love this guy beside me. He is my best friend, my brother. The only person I know I can count on no matter what, and the thought that I might lose him during this whole predicament has my heart aching and my mind unable to place me without him.

"When you moved here. I was supposed to spend the night at Rick's working on our assignments but Friday's are the only days we have to chill together and watch the great British bake off. Zoey was picking you and Carrie up from school, so I came home to find dad and mum moving your stuff," he paused, taking a breath as if talking about it was hurting him all over again.

"I asked them what they were doing. They kept telling me it's none of my business and I should just leave. We got into an argument with mum and she ended up slipping," he takes a bit of the food and chews pretty slowly.

I refrain from prompting him to continue letting him find his words and make me understand why he wouldn't tell me and yet we tell each other everything.

" Her words exactly were,'she is not your sister and your father wants her out of the house.' I have always considered dad an amazing father. Taking care of five kids must not be easy with constant lay offs from the company he worked for.

'You adopted her, making her part of the family and my sister, then why are you throwing her out now?' I asked Dad.

'adopted?' he laughed like that was the most funniest thing he had ever had. 'that thing is the product of your mother's infidelity and I am getting sick of seeing her in this house,' he snapped.

I remember turning to mum and she just stood there like what he said was just normal. She didn't react, not even to protect her daughter. And all my mind could fathom was that it wasn't my mother. My mother was the kindest, caring and loving woman that I ever met, not the stone cold woman looking back at me," he got up and took the dishes to the sink, where he stood looking out the window and into the main house kitchen.

"I couldn't stay there any more, so I went back to Rick's. I spent the night turning over the past ten years that I have known you. You were my sister and I loved you no matter what. The next day mom came by and explained that they were doing it for your safety with the disease, and I believed her," his voice breaks and I know he eyes are already glassy with tears.

"I believed her that you were so sick and might die any minute. And I didn't want you to die thinking that you had no family, so I promised myself to keep it a secret. I didn't come back home that week but I did drop by at school to watch you practice and that is where I met your father," he turns back to me wiping his eyes clean.

I wake up and go to him, engulfing him in a big hug. He wasn't out of the dog house yet but I know how it felt when you are led to believe that someone you cared for might die any minute and not get any answers on how to keep them alive.

~~~~~~~

As I am sitted down by the front desk of the library, that my father got me for my summer job, staring at the restaurant facing me.

Skysha restaurant is written in bold on the banister above the door, a handwritten menu of today's special a few feets from the tables and chairs outside, inside bustling with people at the lunch hour.

On other days I would be inside the restaurant, my table already reserved by the window, spending my lunch hour break stuffing my favorite food and reading my novel of the week.

Now I watch as James- my biological father, moves from one table to another talking with the customers. I know how much his customers adore him. I had been there too, impressed by his cooking and his rapport with the customers. I always envied him, and hoped to be half as good as he was.

I am so engrossed in watching him and trying to fight the urge to walk over and order my lasagna to go and maybe cause a little chaos, that I didn't notice someone approaching the desk.

"Hi,"

"Tony? What are you doing here?"

"Well it's Wednesday and we have your lasagna ready. Thought of bringing it to you," Tony pushes the dish towards me.

My stomach makes a gurgling noise.

"Seems like I was right on time," he chuckles walking away.

I follow him with my eyes as he heads back into the restaurant, only to meet James eyes already staring at me.

I immediately look away, not ready to accept that he doesn't have my orders memorized. The dish top has a logo of the restaurant of a doula. Which is an infinity symbol with twins,that I now know symbolise aliysha and I.

Let's just meet at your place. 

 I sent Alishya a text. I can't manage to step into that restaurant anytime soon.

**********

Voices floating about the room woke me up. Turning from the wall to face Amelia's side. I find her standing in the middle of the room together with Caleb.

Damn!! That is the sight one should be waking up to.

"What now?" I groan.

"Well morning to you too," he sassed.

From how he is dressed it seems like it's another practice session that has him here.

"It's still early. Liz and I are hitting the arena at seven,"

"Will you look at that? It pushed to now," he says, checking his watch.

I stare at him for a while fighting the blush that threatens to coat my face at the Adonis standing in the middle of the room, then go back to sleep.

Not even a minute later, I feel myself getting picked up from the bed, Amelia laughing as I struggle to get out of his hold.

"Okay fine. I hear you. Put me down now," I yelp.

"Downstairs in five minutes," he grabs my gear and walks out the door.

"Why are you up so early?" I sit on my bed.

"I need to go home for a few days," 

"Are you okay?"

"I want to say yes. But no I am not. I haven't been in a few weeks, months even but am hoping time away will get me there," she says after a while of contemplating.

"Good luck," we headed out together.

*******

"You have got to be cheating," Liz slumps down on the ice at her position by the goal post.

"I thought I was the only one thinking that," I skate over to her.

It's been about three hours of exercises, drills and playing two against one, and Caleb has somehow managed to score five points, despite my defense.

"No. You are just horrible at defense and goalkeeping," he points at me then over to Liz.

I hate to admit it but he was right, and I could tell he wasn't giving his all. If this was us giving our all then we are definitely out of the race before it even officially begins.

We had three games in the next week and we had to win two of the games to join the race or we forget the female hockey sport in this school.

"What do you suggest? We barely have a week to get better - well less mediocre," Liz asks getting off the floor.

"Sorry to disrupt your threesome but I need to borrow Sky," Mark shouts from the plexiglass.

"We have a project to get to," I tell the guys skating over to the locker room.

"Guess it's just you and I, lover boy," I hear Liz say.

The jealousy that rises out of me is quick and absolutely misplaced. I have no right to get jealous- actually there's no reason to even get jealous, he and I are barely even friends. But that doesn't stop it from burning through my quick shower or when we walk out of the arena and I turn back to see Caleb's hand on Liz's waist.

"Way to downplay your feelings," Mark says, grabbing my attention.

"What?"

"If you like him just tell him, there's no need to get all broody when you see him with other girls," Mark says.

"Which might be impossible cause he is a good looking guy and just got drafted, can't keep the ladies away," Mark continues.

"How helpful," sarcasm drips off me.

"Hey don't shoot the messenger," he lifts his hands up.

"No one sent you," I point out.

He shrugs at that.

"Are you and Luca okay?" I ask as we walk in the direction of the arts kitchen.

"We are okay, you know how twin siblings can get at times," he smiles.

If I wasn't already looking at him I wouldn't have noticed the slip of his fake smile, but I don't push it.

"Let's get this gastronomy stuff done," Mark claps his hand as we enter the empty kitchen.

******* 

I ubered into the city and headed to the restaurant. It was already 8pm, thirty minutes after the agreed time. I came by late hoping that it would shorten the time I would spend here.

Standing outside the door in the late autumn wind, I let out a shiver. It's been almost six months since I found out and cut them off as much as I could, and facing them wasn't part of my October plans.

"Standing outside and glaring at the restaurant, won't make it go up in flames," a familiar voice said behind me.

"It will go up in flames soon enough," I replied, not turning to face him.

"Then good luck since the fuel remained at home," Erik gives me a bear hug. "Missed you so much, sis. It's like you been avoiding me too," 

"Yeah, like," I hug him back, inhaling his smell. He smells like… a Sunday morning at home with your loved making pancakes, which has always managed to calm me for as long as I remembered.

"Ready to take it by the horns?" He pushes the door open.

"It's not like I have a choice,"

"Skylar," Aliysha calls the second I stepped into the restaurant racing over to hug me.