32. Fake it until you make it

"Honestly, sometimes I wish it would be possible to unscrew top of his head and look what's inside." Jone was laid down on his sleeping bag, fanning himself with a leaf. Even inside, it was just too hot. Outside, vegetation was providing some shade, but as leaves listlessly hanged off branches, it was progressively worse day by day.

Ivory chuckled from his side of their cottage. "Numbers. Most likely nothing but numbers." He fanned himself as well, sipping from his water bottle. Mani spend whole lunch explaining his calculations on tension resistance of ivy stems, and how weaving it a certain way can create a mesh strong enough to carry human weight.

But, judging by the size of frame Blaze made for them, his calculations are very likely done with combined weight of two people. Correction. Two frames. They planned to make one bed for Floreo's cottage and another for Mani's cottage.

They even promised to make two more for the rest as well, once they test their product and prove it's safe to use. How did he calculate that two additional beds would be enough for four additional people? Ivory caught himself shooting glances to Jone's side again.

Ever since that panic attack he had, he was trying to identify the trigger that pushed him off the edge. With careful mental exploration, he eliminated all the obvious possibilities, such a prolonged exposure to open spaces or sudden changes in groups relationships balance.

The clearest picture he had stuck in his memory from the incident were sensory inputs. Warmth of sun on his skin. Smell of greenery. Firm hold of Jone's hand on his. Hair swirl. That last one bewildered him. And brought him close to another attack so he had to stop there.

Honestly, it confused the hell out of him. He should not be affected by physical proximity of another in that way. Back when Yax was flirting with him, his reaction to touch was simple irritation that led to violence. Like the time Yax cornered him by the wall and tried to kiss him. Ended up with a broken nose. Another time, he gave him a black eye. That was his normal reaction.

This time, he was so worried that he might hurt Jone, that he locked his muscles so hard that it pushed him over into spiral as never before. And then, Jone brought him back. With a whisper. And a cup of tea.

And ever since then he had occasional pangs in the back of his mind. Mostly, directly connected to Jone doing something. Like, passing him bowl of meat during lunch. Or just washing his face by the river. Did he got a crush on Jone? Impossible.

His emotional cortex was damaged during last hardware installation. While waking up after surgery, he heard them discussing it. Apparently, they kept him under for too long because new chips installed were different size than old ones, and to establish connection they had to cut deeper into brain matter.

Jone observed Ivory from across the room. He seemed to be asleep, with his eyes closed and lips slightly parted. Jone closed his eyes as well, trying to think of a tactical approach to handling his current feelings towards Ivory. Giving up was not an option.

Aarrggghh.. He forcefully pressed his face with his own hands and then massaged his temples. It was giving him a bloody headache. How did he end up like this? He was better than plotting how to seduce his own patient.

Especially since he knew all about Ivory. Everything is screwed up. Jone was well aware that as professional he should not have such thoughts towards someone he should take care of. Fun fact, when he first got all the medical records of the crew he got assigned to, of all of them he least wanted to deal with Ivory.

That file, while he was reading it, made him feel a need to find those godly surgeons who so offhandedly used people for whatever idea got into their mind. What would he do once he found them? Exactly the same thing thed did to Ivory.

Sure, even before he was born, Ivory's genes were adjusted to enhance his brain activity and capabilities. Then after he was born, while his cranial bones were still soft and not developed fully, he got his first round of surgeries and got his memory chips installed.

Then he was left alone to grow up and develop his cortex activity to seamlessly switch between and integrate his natural and artificial brain. If it was left at that, he would be fully functional mobile information management unit, as others of his kind were before him.

But no, they wanted to improve it further. And had him have another round of brain surgeries in his twenties! Not only had they cut his skull open, they tried to cram way too many chips within limited volume of his head. Sure, bones healed. But brain matter?

Complications noted and predicted within file were horrifying. He expected to care of a plant. Hollowed shell of a human lacking anything that would still make him a person. He couldn't understand how he survived, let alone lived long enough to finish Academy and actually get deployed on a mission.

Then he met him. And realised that there is really nothing stronger in this world than human mind. Sure there were discrepancies in Ivory's behavioural patterns that reflected his lack of natural understanding of other people's thought processes. His reactions to outside stimulation occasionally leaned to aggression.

Yet, it only made him behave similarly to a person on a spectrum. He had distinct personality. Clear likes and dislikes. Developed boundaries, morals, aspirations. Despite everything that was done to him, he was still himself.

Intelligent, observant, compassionate. Articulated. Efficient. Seductive.

Back at the station, he observed and learned social structures holding the crew together. He noted how their interests and interactions reflect their medical details. Made analysis of each person's mental health status and likelihood of deteriorating. And surprisingly, it was not Ivory who got top spot at his rank list of potential emergencies. He was not even in the top five.

He understood that it was partly due to Yax, who was by his side from the start. Yax had strong mentality and surprisingly high empathetic score. His support enabled Ivory to find a way to coexist with others, even to integrate himself into their closed society.

But now, Yax got bedazzled by Mani. And hopefully, his mentality and empathy will make another miracle with that one. He got no medical records when Mani arrived, but with simple glance it was obvious that he was also a product of godly fickleness. Who knows what he went through before being dumped with them.

And yet, his arrival gave Jone a chance. Without Mani to lure Yax away from Ivory, Jone would never share a room with him. This time frame while they are here, separated from rest of the crew, that's only chance he will get to get under Ivory's skin.

So, what shall he do? Direct approach is out of the question. Pushing Ivory down and fondling him all over would sure be pleasurable. But it would result with either him having a few broken bones, or Ivory slipping into panic mode again. So, nope.

Confessing his feelings and asking to establish official relationship? That would be proper thing to do, straight from manual. But it was also not good. Yax did that and got firmly rejected.

So far, he did have some progress though. Even before rooming together, they often talked about different topics by the fire. And now, Ivory looked for him whenever there was something new among things he gathered.

Was it that, what's it called? Eh, cooking a frog in a warm water? Could that really work? If he would just casually increase intimacy level without actually initiating anything physical between them?

Like, from teammates to roommates, that was done. Next would be from roommates to buddies. Then slipping in some small additional benefits. Bluring the lines between them, until transition to lovers would be next logical step.

Could it really work that way? Well, noting else really seems likely to succeed either. Go with the flow, yeah. Push the boat along with the current. Easy-peasy.

On the other side, Ivory got worried hearing rustling of Jone's tossing and turning. That guy was way too serious in doing everything, he could not relax properly even when having an afternoon nap. If he keeps it like that, he will be the one to burn out.

That was actually valid concern, Ivory pondered. Jone as a medic took care of all of them, noting their moods and adjusting it by fixing them up their proper dosages of neural inhibitors. But, who was keeping eye on Jone?

It should be Blaze, but that happy-go-lucky teddy bear got caught by Echo and was too occupied to notice anything going wrong with Jone.

Same as Ivory, Jone had no one here he could lean on. Perhaps it would be a good idea to offer Jone a shoulder, at least until they get reunited with rest of the crew. Hama or Dagda could step in then.

Pang

Ivory shuddered. Why did he suddenly got a violent impulse to shove Hama into an oven? And bury Dagda into that mud pool under obelisk?

Should he really start to explore possibly he developed jealousy?