Why am I?

"I was so agitated yesterday before I logged off. Why do people post something that is not true online?"

That was what Deus conveyed the first time I saw him again after the most recent event.

"They don't understand that I don't have much time to spend on silly things like that."

Dues added.

"But it wasn't that much of a waste… I felt like I grew a little stronger." I told him.

"Lucien!"

Deus bounced on his toes.

"You've just said something intelligent!"

He was giggling, his pitch was high and his breathing was shallow.

"Also, I was able to regenerate most of the damage inflicted on me before you left." I added.

He threw a big, open-mouthed smile and clapped his hands, exclaiming, "Is that real?!"

I nodded and offered a faint grin.

"Show me!"

He said, pulling out his weapon.

"Extend your arms to the right." he commanded.

I did…

Maybe this will make him ever happier.

Then without hesitation he chanted, "Sword slash, Sable!"

The whole moment was quick, and smooth— it was a slashing cut that feels almost like it came from darkness.

My arm fell on the ground then disappeared.

I knew there was pain, but a whisper of terror enveloped me. Before I knew it I was running away.

When the terror dissipated, I took a quick, shallow breath, afterwards the pain registered.

Instinctively, I cradled my arm in my attempt to lessen the searing pain.

"I'm gonna die!" was the thought that played in my head.

But I was not afraid of it. I know the feeling, it's like I've been in this state before, but only momentarily.

"Dues." I called out to him.

Should I scream…

"I'm gonna die, I think I'm gonna die." I stated.

Is it okay for me to show that it was painful…

"I see. I think that was a little too much huh?" He asked himself.

I looked at him. My vision was slowly getting darker, and darker…

…

My thoughts became flat. I was in complete nothingness, a familiar place.

I've been here multiple times. I knew in a few moments something unknown would get to me. Like a grabbing hand pulling me out of… my misery?

So it did, an unknown force pulled me again.

I opened my eyes, I'm back.

Without having the time to recover my senses, I felt a strike on my head. 

I was Dues.

He gave me a kick to the head, then he said, "Idiot! You made me waste revive potion! You said you were stronger and can regenerate! One RP costs a lot you know!"

I was lying on the ground, reeling everything in my head.

Then I said, "I apologize, Deus. I didn't mean to." Then I offered him a smile.

I should've said something different to help him feel better. I'm such an idiot.

Dues clicked his tongue, I guess I added to his frustration.

Suddenly, a woman appeared beside Dues.

She was angry, her yellow eyes matching the color of her curly hair, fixed intently on him. Yet, her finger was pointed directly at me."

"Wha– It w– I–" Dues couldn't even structure a word.

What is he mad about? Why is she mad at Dues?

I wanted to interfere but I couldn't, Dues couldn't do anything.

His muscular frame sagged, surrendering to a submissive slump. 

His usual calm composure and decisive confidence had vanished, as if stolen away.

As emotion overwhelmed him, his eyes started to build tears.

Then he started screaming, he was unintelligently shouting. Then he started to cry, exhibiting a childish behavior. He was stomping, throwing his hand in the air.

"You're being completely irrational and ridiculous!"

"Stop acting like you know everything, it's just a game and it's not that serious!"

"Stop making such a big deal out of nothing! Grow up!"

He threw random words into the air…

His behavior became increasingly erratic.

I watched as he acted out strangely.

His acting started to draw a crowd.

I hadn't realized the tavern was full of people.

As I scanned the room, I noticed the tables and seats scattered around, the atmosphere suddenly felt different.

I had always thought It was just us here.

The hum of voices swirled around us, but I couldn't make out what anyone was saying.

I looked around, the group that had first approached Dues blended into the crowd, disappearing from view.

I felt a surge of discomfort as I realized we were the center of attention. The eyes of the crowd bore down on us, the atmosphere was thick with unspoken judgment.

My feelings stirred, a mix of confusion and unease. What was happening?

When I looked again, I saw them laughing and pointing at us.

What is this feeling?

Why do I feel like I needed to defend us?

I have this overwhelming feeling inside me I couldn't understand.

This had me frozen, it all started with me. We ended up in this humiliating situation because of me.

I hate myself!

I'm unworthy!

What if Dues abandon me? What will I become?

…

All of a sudden, my surroundings turned black.

I felt afloat.

I guessed Dues was gone again, now I'm back in this endless void.

Only if I hadn't said what I said.

Only if I just kept my mouth shut.

Only if that woman never approached Dues.

Only if that guy stopped her from approaching Dues.

Only if they had comforted Dues instead of just standing.

It is unfair!

Dues should've come back by now!

I only wanted to make him happy!

This is unjust!

Dues was inconsiderate!

I've done things for him!

I've never even once hated him!

For all that he did!

I don't like it!

I hate everything!

Then all of a sudden, I was pulled out of the void.

After ages, it went bright again. All of a sudden, I'm at the tavern again.

"Whoooo!"

A shout rang in my ear, but I felt lifted. That voice was from him, Dues came back!

"Lucien! I've been out for a month! I needed to have some procedure and all, but anyway! Let's get back to grinding!"

Dues exclaimed.

It's been a month? How many days is a month?

I was confused… How should I feel about this?

"What are you standing there for, Lucien? Let's go!"

Dues was back and he's asking me to come with him. I guess that's the most important thing for now.

I offered him a smile like I always did and we started walking out of the Catares Tavern and out of the town.