Chapter 7: Noah

The day at work, which was basically just one meeting after the other, went by in a blur. 

At four I slipped out of the office to go to my appointment with my therapist. I’d been seeing her for the past two years now to treat my anxiety. It had gotten worse after the scandal with Cassie and the resulting fires I had to douse, and Davina had helped me immeasurably since then. 

I’d canceled my two previous appointments, so I hadn’t seen her in over a month. I was certain her expression would be unforgettable when she found out how much my life had changed in a short while.  

Joe teased me on my way out. “Had fun with your son yesterday? I must say, mommy eye bags suit you, Noah,” he crooned, slapping my shoulder playfully. 

I batted him away, feigning annoyance, but couldn’t help the little smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.

***

Davina’s office felt like home. Maybe it was the view from the window facing the mountainside, the green plants she was watering when I walked into the room, or the nature-based artwork and comfortable armchairs. 

The dusty blue color of the walls was soothing and projected a certain aura of safety. She made instant coffee and served it in a baby pink mug. I lifted it to my lips almost immediately.

“Don’t,” she cautioned as the cup was midway to my lips, and I stopped abruptly. “Take it easy. It’s scalding hot.”

I smiled in anticipation. “Just the way I like it,” I said, but blew over the contents a few times, just to be safe, and took a sip.

“Is it good?” she asked, as if her next action depended on my reply. 

I understood what it felt like, the same way I was eager to know what Chris thought about the breakfast I made him this morning, or when my guests tasted my new wine. Her eyes didn’t leave my face till I placed the mug on the glass center table. I loved the strawberry coffee mix. It was soothing, the same way her office was. “It’s brilliant.”. 

She exhaled. “My friend started her instant coffee company and gave me some to try. So far, you are the first to taste this.”

“Wow, I’m honored.” I drank from it again. “I think you should send me your friend’s number. I might just buy everything she has.” I laughed, and she joined in. 

“So, back to the business of the day, Mr. Hayes.” She looked at me with those gray eyes that seemed to see right into the inner workings of my mind. “How are you doing?” When I didn’t answer, she added, “You’ve missed a couple of your appointments, is everything all right?”

“It’s just work.” I ran my hand through my hair. I could tell by her deadpan expression that she knew I was lying through my teeth. 

“Yet, here you are. Or do you not have to work anymore?” she challenged.

Davina was an enchanting woman in her late fifties. She had short brunette hair sprinkled with intermittent streaks of silver here and there. She didn’t bother to dye them, as if she saw those grays as trophies for conquering life for almost six decades. 

“Okay, okay,” I surrendered, showing her my palms. 

I was looking for a way to start and decided to just drop the bombshell. Davina had always been good at making me feel like things weren’t as bad as my mind tended to make them seem.

I let out a huff of air before blurting, “Brianne is dead and now our five-year-old son is living with me. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad—”

“Hold on a minute,” she said, her look of confusion every bit as glorious as I’d imagined. “She didn’t tell you that she had your child? You only found out about it now?”

“I’m telling you, if there’s some kind of god pulling the strings up there, he’s surely enjoying turning my life into a fucking soap opera.” I laughed. 

“Why? Are you not getting along with him?”

“It’s not that.” I sighed, thoughtfully looking down to the side where my hand was resting on the armchair. “So far, I’ve been having fun with him. But it was all so very unexpected, you know?” I looked up at her pleadingly, the pitch and speed of my words higher now. “I don’t know how to be a good father. And how the hell could I ever have prepared myself for this…” 

Davina was trying hard not to laugh. I could see how her eyes sparkled, her lips quivered, and her throat bobbed. “Take it easy, Mr. Hayes,” she consoled after collecting herself again. “I think you needing to take care of another human is a good thing—and even better that he’s your son. I like the improvement I’ve already observed in you since you walked in here.” 

Had she not heard the other things I’d just said? 

I slumped back into the armchair. “To be honest, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t send him to kindergarten because I don’t want it to leak to the press that I have a son—not for now at least. My new wine label is in that delicate phase right now where even the hint of bad publicity, no matter how untrue, could cause it all to crumble. But I know I can’t just keep leaving him at home while I’m out working, and now Silvia is on my case about leaving him in her care during the day, too.”

“Well, it’s not like you don’t have the means to hire additional help,” she said thoughtfully. “Someone to stay with him, see to all his needs, and do stimulating activities and play with him. So I agree with you, simply leaving him at home is out of the question.” She eyed me levelly as she said, “Noah, you need to find a live-in nanny. And soon.” 

I paused. She made sense. She always had the best ideas ready at her fingertips for me. 

“Now, I want you to start thinking about how Brianne’s death and this tremendous change in your life are affecting you, and how you feel about it all. We’ll discuss it in our follow-up session next week.”

As always, walking out of her home office, my chest felt lighter than when I’d gone in. 

This was something I needed like my lungs needed air. Though things were still confusing, and different emotions still swirled around inside me, I knew my next step. 

I had to find a nanny.