No Pera-13[Do I Have depression...?]

Look, I'm writing No Pera {Breaking the 4th wall} 🎭. But that doesn't mean I have no pera (worries). I also feel sad, I also go through pain, but still, I write No Pera.

Do you know why?

Having a place to vent and having someone to actually listen—these two things are not the same. 🤷‍♂️

Some of us have friends to share our pain with, while others have parents. But honestly, can we really share our sadness and struggles with our parents during our teenage years? Very few can. In fact, almost no one does. Because we often think—

💭 "They won't understand..."

💭 "If I say too much, they'll scold me..."

💭 "They might misunderstand me..."

I don't talk to my parents about my depression either. I used to talk to my elder sister. But a few days ago, she got married. Now, she is busy with her own life. So, I don't burden her anymore.

Now, the real question is— what happens to me then? Who do I have by my side? 🤔

And that's where my two most important people come in—Puspu Apu and Shuvonita Apu. ✨

They are the kind of people in front of whom I don't have to act.

Just two days ago, I went out feeling kinda off. Guess what? They immediately grabbed me and said, "You're not feeling okay, are you?"

When I smile, they can tell if it's real or if I'm hiding pain behind it.

When I stay silent, they know my mind is in a storm... 🌪️

One day, when there was a real storm inside me…

📱 I texted Puspu Apu:

— "Apu, can you talk?"

⏳ Two minutes later...

📞 Incoming call... [GTA 4 theme song playing]

I pick up...

🗣️ Puspu Apu: "What happened? Your voice sounds different."

🤐 Me: "Nothing, Apu... just like that."

🗣️ Puspu Apu: "Listen, don't even try lying to me! Just say it!"

😞 Me: "I don't feel good, feels like no one understands..."

🗣️ Puspu Apu: "What do you mean no one understands? I understand, don't I? Now tell me, what's really going on?"

😶 I stay silent...

🗣️ Puspu Apu: "Say it! What's going on in your head?"

Another day, I was outside but still feeling down...

📱 I texted Shuvonita Apu:

— "Apu, I feel really down."

⏳ Five minutes later...

(Trying to make the story interesting, or else Puspu Apu's friend is Shuvonita Apu but she even ignores her then what are we...? XD)

💬 Shuvonita Apu: "Tell me, what's wrong?"

😔 Me: "Feels like I'm failing at everything. Nothing feels right."

💬 Shuvonita Apu: "That's how it feels right now, but it doesn't always feel this way, does it?"

😞 Me: "Hmm, but today, it feels worse."

💬 Shuvonita Apu: "Okay, then cry properly first, no restrictions. Say whatever's on your mind. Then we'll see how to lighten your heart."

💬 Shuvonita Apu: "And listen, failing at something doesn't mean life is over. Sometimes, our brain just overthinks. So take a deep breath, and give yourself some time."

I am lucky to have them. Though I have much more to write about them, this is just the introduction. There's still a lot more to say.

(To be continued...)