Chapter 5

"You again!"

"Marco, did I kill your entire family in my past life or something?"

"Yesterday you splashed oil all over me, and today you dumped sewage water all over my car!"

"What do you want? Are you doing this on purpose? Will you only be satisfied once you've killed me?!" Elen shouted in exasperation.

I remained silent.

Yesterday was an accident, and today was also an accident.

I had no idea there would be cars coming down this alley, and I certainly couldn't have known she would be the driver.

How could I want to kill her?

If it weren't for this illness, I couldn't love her enough - how could I ever want to harm her?

My heart was filled with bitterness.

"I really didn't do it on purpose!" I said.

Elen's face darkened as she said, "I don't care whether it was intentional or not, Marco. Let me tell you something - this car is brand new, not even a month old."

"You just dumped an entire bucket of sewage water on it. This car is now undrivable. You must buy this car from me!"

What!

She wants me to buy the car?!

I don't have that kind of money!

Forget buying the whole car - I can't even afford a single tire right now.

Besides, this is a Mercedes!

Even the basic models cost ten of thousands.

I can't afford it even if I sell myself.

How could I possibly come up with such a huge sum?

My face darkened, my head throbbing as I said, "I don't have the money."

Elen laughed bitterly and said, "You don't have money but you dare splash sewage water on my car? If you don't have money, fine - give me your ID card!"

What does she want with my ID card?

Is she trying to check my home address?

I don't know what she's planning.

Even though I'm in the wrong here, although I don't know what she wants my ID for, I didn't refuse.

I took out my ID card and handed it to her.

"I'll keep your ID card for now. When you have the money, you can come redeem it."

"Either way, you must buy this car from me! I don't care if you have to sell a kidney or borrow money, you must compensate me! I won't drive a car that's been splashed with sewage water!"

Elen pocketed my ID card and said angrily.

I was shocked.

So she wanted to hold my ID card as collateral!

Although ID checks aren't very strict in Helios Nation, without an ID card, it's impossible to find work.

I couldn't even get a food delivery job online.

In other words, if Elen holds my ID card, I have no way to take on any other work!

Right now I only make a measly 150$ dollars a month.

My sister needs medical treatment, and I need medicine too.

These all cost money.

150$ dollars isn't nearly enough.

I need to find part-time work to take care of my sister.

But without an ID card, I can't do any part-time jobs.

It's a dead end.

I don't care if I die, but what about my sister?

Am I supposed to watch her die before my eyes?

I know I can't let Elen keep my ID card.

"Wait..." I called out to Elen.

Elen, who was about to close the door and start the car, looked at me.

"I'll kneel before you if I have to - please give me back my ID card" I asked.

A mocking smile appeared in Elen's eyes as she said:

"Marco, how did you become so shameless? Willing to kneel in public just to get your ID card back!"

"I must have been blind back then to fall for you!"

I don't want to bring up the past anymore - I just want my ID card back now.

"We were young and naive back then. We're grown up now, why bring up the past? Will you please return my ID card? Just say the word and I'll kneel before you," I said.

To earn money for my sister's treatment, I don't mind kneeling before her.

Even if this act might make me unable to hold my head high again.

But I'm about to die anyway.

What does dignity matter?

Should a dying man care if others mock him?

"Why shouldn't I bring it up? Do you know how I got through that period after you dumped me?"

"I had a fever for a week, stomach pains for over a year - I almost died at school!"

"I still can't understand - what was I lacking?"

"Back then you kept saying we'd grow old together, but what happened? You broke up with me right after graduation!"

"You made me unable to trust any man ever again - how can I not bring it up? Tell me, what was I lacking?"

Elen said in a deep voice.

I remained silent, knowing how much she suffered back then.

But what she doesn't know is that I've been suffering all along too.

But what good does suffering do?

Will suffering cure my cancer? Will suffering give me a future? Will suffering let me grow old with her?

Suffering changes nothing.

I'm still about to die.

I still carry a terminal illness.

I didn't want to burden her, so I had to break up with her.

Even though this decision would leave me in pain for the rest of my life.

"Your mistake was falling for me. I was just playing around with you from the start. I never truly loved you - I just saw you as someone I could take advantage of whenever I wanted."

"I wasn't serious - you were the one who took it seriously. You thought being the school belle made you invincible."

"I just wanted to teach you a lesson - even if you're the school belle, to me, you're worthless!"

I said.

After saying those words, I wanted to slap myself.

I was disgusted by my own response.

She still had a place in my heart, but I had to lie to her.

Because reality won't allow us to be together.

I understand this clearly.

I've long accepted this fate.

Buddha spoke of eight sufferings in life - birth, aging, sickness, death - I don't remember them all, but I know Buddha missed one suffering: the pain of having to tell the person you love most that you don't love them.

"Fine! Fine! FINE..."

Elen said "fine" twice, but on the third time, her voice suddenly became choked, and then she started crying.

"Here, take it - just don't let me see you again!"

Elen threw my ID card at me while crying, closed the door, started the car, and quickly drove away from the alley.

I'm sorry... the woman I love most in this life.

I stared blankly in the direction where the Mercedes disappeared.

When I saw Elen cry, it felt like someone had stabbed my heart.

I hurt her again.

I feel terrible.

But I had no choice.

If there's a next life, I...

Forget it.

I shook my head at this thought, not daring to think further.

Back then I also swore to take good care of her forever, love her, listen to her - but what happened?

Now I've hurt her like this.

What right do I have to hope for a chance to make it up to her in the next life?

I don't have that right.

God gave me one chance, but I chose betrayal.

I picked up my ID card, refilled the sewage bucket, got on my tricycle... where should I go?

Looking at the hazy neon lights of the city, I felt lost, like a homeless child hiding in a deserted corner, silently crying.