Chosen

Nicole~

Four days before the cave incident

I had been chosen. I had finally been chosen. I was going to leave the island. I was going to explore the world. I was going to live my dreams. I was ecstatic and dumbfounded, I had imagined that this moment would be full of laughter and screaming but I was in a daze, an happy one.

I was suddenly snapped out of my daydreaming as Trish shook me vehemently, tears streaming down her face.

"No," she gripped my shoulders, "no, you can't leave. There must be some kind of mistake. You can't leave me and your dad." Her face was full of hurt and while I understood where she was coming from, it angered me to know that she was not trying to understand my point of view. She knew I had always wanted to leave the island and follow after my mother, she knew yet she wanted to prevent me from living my dreams.

"Trish," I threw her hands away as I tried to mask my anger, "can't you just be happy for me? Like a true friend?"

She swallowed and broke down into rears, "I'm sorry." She said amidst sobs, "I'm so sorry. I just don't want to lose you. Please don't leave me. Don't leave us."

I sighed and went over to pull her in a deep hug. The village chief was still announcing the rest of the chosen and there were still shouts of celebrations going on so the entire square was loud. I decided to take Trish to my house to calm her down and at the same time, break the news to my dad.

"Come on, let's go." I said as I led her away from the square.

On my island, once the twenty lucky women were chosen, they would immediately be isolated from the rest of the villagers the night after the festival. This was so the impurities present in the women would be washed away, those impurities were believed to be the scent of men and as such, the chosen women would need to stay away from men for three days before going to the cave where the goddess would bless them and then they would embark on their journeys.

I noticed that the lights in my dad's study was on as I approached the house and my heart felt heavy all of a sudden. He only ever went to the study whenever he missed mom and he would lock himself there for hours, reminiscing everything about her and the memories he had with her. Her leaving broke him in a way I had never seen before and now, I was leaving too.

I opened the front door and led Trish into the living room so she could sit, she had calmed down a bit but her mood was still foul. I left her in the living room and made my way to the study to break the news to my dad. After all, I was leaving him that night so it was better to break the news as soon as possible and make good use of the little time we had together. As I climbed the stairs, my palms started sweating, I was nervous and scared, I wanted to do my own thing but I also did not want to be the reason my dad's heart would shatter forever. After what seemed like an eternity of walking, I finally got to the study door and I heard quiet sobbing inside. I considered turning away from the door and going back downstairs but I knew if I didn't do this now, I would not be able to anymore until I'm taken away. I took a deep and long breath before knocking.

"Come in." His voice was coarse, an obvious indication that he had been crying. I flung the door open and let myself into his study, then I slowly closed it back behind me.

"Dad." I said when the door was fully closed.

"Yes, sweetheart?" He answered, trying to force a smile which only tugged more on my heart.

I loved my father and hurting him was the last thing I possibly wanted to do but when it's a decision between the most important person in your life and yourself, sometimes, you just have to choose yourself.

"I was chosen." I blurted out and I watched the glow drain from my father's eyes. It was a painful sight to see and I desperately wished I could tell him I was joking. I also wished that I had eased into the confession and not tell him straight up. He was silent, dead silent, but his eyes spoke a million words. He was hurt, he was scared, he was breaking, he was lonely, he was yearning. He did not want me to go.

"I'm going." I told him.

He hung his head low as he gazed at the floor, the silence deepening the tension in the room.

"...se....o...go," I couldn't quite make out what he said.

"What?"

"Please, don't go." It was a whisper, it was barely above a whisper and I barely heard it but I heard it nonetheless.

I couldn't respond, there was no way I could not go, and I also wanted to go. Once the goddess chooses someone, it was impossible to reject it, such people usually end up dead within seven days. It was abominable to reject the goddess's call and my dad knew it but at the same time, he also could not let me go, he did not want to.

"Dad. I can't not go." I said in a low tone. I saw tears streaming down his face effortlessly, that was the first time my father ever cried in my presence. I knew my mom's departure broke him a lot and he was arguably in the worst time of his life at that moment, he still tried his best to always be there for me and he always tried to never let me see his pain but such things weren't always easy to hide.

"I will die if I don't go." The desperation in my voice made me flinch, I was using the goddess's curse as an excuse when in reality, I desperately wanted to go. I felt disgusted by the way my mind worked in that moment despite knowing how much pain my father was in. "I'm sorry." I left the study and made my way downstairs, crying.

I could not stay there, I could not watch myself try to justify hurting him, I could not watch myself lie to him and act like I wasn't very happy to finally have been chosen.

"Nicole," Trish was at the foot of the stairs, her eyes were dried up and there were no signs that she had been crying moments ago. "You told him?"

"Trish." I ran into her arms, engulfing myself in her embrace, "I'm a horrible person, Trish."

"Shhh, no, you're not. You're really not." She whispered into my ears and I buried my face in her shoulders, crying my eyes out as I realized that my dad was also upstairs, crying his eyes out but with no one to comfort him. And for some reason, that realization made me bawl my eyes out even harder.

"I'm sorry, Trish." My voice came out as a whimper, "I'm sorry I'm hurting the both of you."

She stroked my hair, keeping silent. I knew it was because she still was against me going but realized that I did not have a choice, I had been chosen, after all.

"I'm worried about dad." I said after minutes of silence, I had also slightly calmed down and my aggressive crying had turned into quiet sobs.

"He'll be fine if you visit sometimes. I don't care about the rule of not coming back to the island. Visit." She said and I smiled and mouthed, 'I promise.'

Just then, the door knocked. Trish went up to open it and three women came into the house.

"We require Nicole Scarlett. She has been chosen to perform the most holy task of serving the goddess Alisha and we are here to make sure she is ready." One of them said.

"You're supposed to be here tonight, after the festival." I said.

"Plans changed, you all will be presented at the festival tonight and will be seated alongside the village chief before you are isolated. That is the new rule." The same woman said, "We are here to prepare you for the festival."

"So you want me to come with you now?" I asked.

"Indeed."

I had expected a few more hours with my dad, to talk and make peace with the entire situation but this... this was not part of the plan. This was going too fast and I knew if I went with them, I would never see my father again. I could not live with myself if our last conversation was that unfortunate encounter, I knew it would kill him because it would kill me too.

"I need time." I blurted out, "Give me a few hours, please. I have to tie up loose ends."

"Time is of the essence, and we do not have any to spare," the woman said, "come with us, child."

"Please, just ten minutes." Trish got in front of me and got on her knees, her head bowed, "The goddess would want her chosen to have tied up all loose ends before embarking on her journey, would she not?"

The woman cleared her throat, "Ten minutes. We'll be counting."

I rushed up the stairs and Trish followed closely behind me, I pushed the door of the study open and was face to face with my father who looked stricken with grief, like he had just lost his whole world. I ran and enveloped him in a tight hug, he hugged me back.

"I'll visit, dad. I promise I'll visit." I said, tears were already falling from my face.

"It's forbidden." He gently stroked my face, prevent the tears from falling all the way.

"I don't care. I'll definitely come see you. I'll bring mom. I promise."

"I don't doubt it, pumpkin."

He laughed, it was a bitter and sad laugh but it was a laugh nonetheless. With a heavy heart, I pulled him back in for a hug, one I would not have for a long time. After a while, I pulled back from the hug and stretched my hand to Trish who was still at the door, she stepped closer and took my hand.

"I'll miss you." She said, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'll miss you too." I told her and I pulled her in for a hug, she hugged me back, "Take care of dad for me."

"I will."

"Don't let him lock himself up all the time in here."

"I won't."

"Don't cry when you think of me."

"I can't promise that."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Very much so."

We pulled apart and I looked at my dad, "I love you so desperately so, dad. Thank you for the past sixteen years."

"I love you too, sweetheart and I wouldn't trade those years with you for anything else."

I took my dad's and Trish's hands and put them together, then with slow but steady steps, I walked backwards towards the exit, tears flowing freely from my face. My dad and Trish were also crying, they saw me taking steps back but they stood in place, not trying to stop me.

"I love you guys so much. I hope we meet again in a much better place. Goodbye."