Healing and growth

I stared blankly at the wall, the pills scattered on my bedside table like tiny soldiers waiting to march me into oblivion. I was tired, so tired, of the demons and voices in my head. Tired of the pain and the fear. Tired of living.

I had been trying to fight, to heal, to grow. But it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, the shadows of my past just wouldn't let me go. And so, I had made the decision to end it all. To take the easy way out.

I poured the pills into my hand, my heart racing with a mix of fear and determination. I was ready to let go.

Only last month, I had arrived at school to see a naked young man dangling from the wild mango tree. No one knew who he was. It was hard for me to concentrate on mixed cultivation methods when I could see his body swinging gently in the wind from our classroom window. That innocent mango tree bore the brunt of the community's anger. Its ripe fruit rotted on the branch. Even hungry birds shunned it. Then one morning, the tree was gone. Overnight, it had been hacked to the ground. But on windy days, I still saw that young man swinging gently from the tree branch. No doubt he longed to be free too.

But just as I was about to swallow the pills, I heard a knock on my door. "Kate?" Aunt Clara's voice was soft and concerned.

I froze, my hand still clutching the pills. I didn't want to be stopped. I didn't want to be saved. But I eventually threw the pills under my pillow.

But Aunt Clara didn't wait for an answer. She pushed open the door.

Thought you were asleep? Aunty Clara asked scanning my face.

"Erm, erm" sorry ma I was about to open the door, I stammered.

That's okay, I'm here to pick up your dirty laundry, aunt Clara said moving to my bed sheet. I stood numbed because the pills were still under my pillow.

"Kate"

Aunty Clara screamed my name when the pills clattered to the floor after she lifted the bed cover.

My heart dropped.

What are those tablets doing under your pillow^" she asked.

Looking down at my feet, I kept quiet.

I felt her gentle hand on my arm. "Kate, please look at me." Her voice was low and soft. "How did those tablets get there?.>

"I kept them there."

Aunty Clara took a deep breath. "Kate, why did you want to take those pills? What happened?

Aunty Clara, Uncle P….He raped me." As I said the words out loud, I felt an intense sense of relief. He did not just come to my room at night. He did not just "touch me." He did not just lift up my skirts. I said it again: "He raped me."

I felt Aunty Clara's body go rigid, oh my dear Kate, I didn't know, she sobbed, I thought your parents sent you here for other reasons, I didn't know that's what happened. And then she gathered me into her arms, resting my head against her chest. The pinching pain in my own chest made me gasp. "Aunty, nobody understands how much it hurts."

She whispered the words in my hair. "Kate, I do."

When I felt teardrops on my forehead, I realized that Aunty Clara was crying. As the tears sank their way through my hair to my scalp, I started to cry too. For what seemed like a very long time, we held each other and cried softly. When we

both had no tears left, we sat on the settee and talked about what had happened.

I held onto her hand. "Please, don't tell Mummy about the tablets. I promise, I will never try that again, I promise!"

I saw the indecision in her eyes. "Kate, you could have died today." I nodded.

Later, when Aunty Clara disappeared into room, I was sure that she was telling Mummy on phone what she had seen that afternoon. Mummy did not call on phone to discuss it with me, but from then on, she did not object any time I asked if I could come over to spend holidays with Eniola.

During one of night , we lay side by side on the carpeted floor of Aunty Clara's sitting room. The room was dark, and it helped that she could not see my face. We had been talking about Uncke P"But even though I didn't want him to come to my room, what he did felt good." My chest tightened and I whispered the words tainted by shame. "And I liked it."

Aunty Clara sighed. "It still was not your fault." "But ..."

"You know how you cry when cutting onions.^"

I nodded. "Yes."

"It's because the vapours from the onions make you cry, even though you're not sad. Those feelings in your body were just like that: mere physical reactions. It does not mean that you wanted him to do what he did."

I blinked back the tears that came to my eyes. "But why did he do it.^"

"Because he wanted to," Aunty Clara replied in a soft voice. "It was his choice."

She reached for my hand. "It is okay for the sadness to still come, Morayo," she said. "One day it will all begin to feel a little better." That day seemed far away, but I never went to bed as sad as when I was awake.

The incident with Aunt Clara was a turning point for me. It was as if I had finally hit rock bottom and was forced to confront the darkness that had been haunting me for so long. But with Aunt Clara's help, I began to see that there was a way out of the darkness.

Our relationship blossomed in the aftermath of that incident. Aunt Clara became more than just a guardian to me; she became a confidante, a mentor, and a friend. We started having deep conversations about life, about my past, and about my future. She listened to me with empathy and understanding, and she offered me guidance and support whenever I needed it.

With Aunt Clara's help, I started to heal. I started to confront my demons and to work through my emotions. I started to see that I was not alone, that there were people who cared about me and who wanted to help me.

As I healed, I also started to grow. I started to focus on my studies again, and I began to excel in school. I made new friends, people who accepted me for who I was and who didn't judge me for my past. I started to participate in extracurricular activities, things that I enjoyed and that helped me to build my confidence.

And then, the day arrived when I received my university admission letter. I had worked so hard for it, and I was overjoyed when I saw that I had been accepted into my dream program.

Aunt Clara was the first person I called when I got the news. She screamed with excitement on the phone, and I could hear the pride and joy in her voice.

"I'm so proud of you, Kate!" she exclaimed. "You've worked so hard for this, and you deserve it. You're going to do great things, I just know it!"

I smiled, feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment. I knew that I still had a long way to go, but I also knew that I was on the right path. I was growing, I was healing, and I was becoming the person I was meant to be.

As I looked at the admission letter in my hand, I felt a sense of gratitude towards Aunt Clara. She had been my rock, my support system, and my guiding light. Without her, I don't know where I would be today.

But I did know one thing - I was ready for the next chapter of my life. I was ready to take on new challenges, to make new friends, and to become the best version of myself.