CHAPTER 02

"Love…Love…Love…"

My mouth keeps on repeating that single word. One word that fills my entire mind, as common as it sounds, as easy it is to make me dumb. To anyone, It may appear easy to define what love is. But to people who grew up without that feeling given by their parents, It's meaningless.

Watching the people walk outside, with different expressions on their faces, I thought. 'Would I genuinely laugh if I see something funny?' or perhaps, 'Would I be mad if some things went against my desire?' Because that's what there is to see in humans. They laugh when they feel like it, oftentimes, they lament. but sometimes, they all feel like nothing at all. When you realize that you are happy, it will be gone. But, when you take notice of your pain, it expands. Pondering these things is what keeps me going. Because by then, I'd be dead.

"Excuse me, Are you Khain?" A woman, whom I did not expect to approach me, asked for my identity. Few people would notice me occasionally, but no one usually asks me like this. When a woman loses her value, a man would walk away. That's the easiest way to explain this. My poems often—if not, all the time open the mind of the readers. But none of them would be willing to understand the meaning behind those words I engraved for them. They simply walk away, choosing different, yet easy to understand.

"Yes." I simply replied.

The woman from yesterday, she's now standing in front of me, with anticipation from her eyes, her lips then curve upward. If I'm not mistaken, I think her name was…

"I'm Doris! Doris St.Alleina!" For a moment, I was taken aback. I thought she would be the type that is hard to approach. But all I see in front of me is a bright young girl eyeing her favorite toy.

"Andres." I took her hand and formed a handshake. Is it a trend to smile warmly to one another? Why does everyone seem to be smiling whoever I see?

"I don't know for what reason, but…I'll be taking your orders from now on! And, this is for you, given by the management!" She lifted the plate in her hand and placed it on my table. Just from looking at it, I can already tell it's sweet. Too sweet.

"Right, thank you." This is the only thing I could say at this moment, since it was already put, it would be rude for me to say something to her, like ordering her to take the cake back.

"If you have any orders, please call upon me." She says, as warm as it sounds, she left before I could even take a look at her.

Love, is it genuine…or is it destructive? I can't tell.

The void from those eyes,

seemingly pulls me in.

Although there's a spark, I couldn't see at all.

Light steps of yours,

Heavy breathing of wanting me over.

The gestures I'm doing,

gives access to your imagination.

I am screaming,

You are screaming.

With different intentions, our thoughts are separated.

My Aria,

Tell me otherwise,

Ennui continuously embodies me,

When we do it.

All along,

It was not for me,

But for you, the entire time.

I still can't do it. This one is just not it, It needs to be different. Eden would never accept this, he would think death while reading this, and that's not how I want him to perceive this. There should be no other elements other than love itself. And that's what hinders me the most. I kept adding unrelated emotion from the love itself, and the unrelated one is not just anything, but the genre I'm passionate about.

"How do I approach this?"

Staring at the window, Doris reflected on my sight. Although It's not really that visible, still, a portion could be seen. At least to me, It's clear enough to see her smile.

If she would die, would she smile then?

Eden, who just arrived, took a sit on the opposite chair of mine. We were not supposed to see each other this early, but because of the book I am currently writing, he's bothering me for the update. Though, I don't have any plans on publishing it for a while, because this book is set to release next year. Of course, Eden wouldn't know about that.

"Are you still having a hard time?" He asked. He could easily tell from my solemn expression, yet, he goes out his way to annoy me with that question.

"If you have a girlfriend, I'd say it's easy to write about it." I responded. Eden isn't in a relationship right now, and it's definitely not because he chose to, but because no one wants him with.

Then again, Doris became one with the window again. Visible enough, and vaguely enough.

"Aha…!"

I turn my head to face him, and all I could see is his bright expression, scheming something.

"How about entering a relationship?" He looked excited. Full of anticipation, and emotion coming from his very eyes.

"How about you shut up?" Think about it, I don't even have interest in connecting with any humans, and he wants me to do what, enter a relationship? Eden must have lost his mind on the way here. Yeah, I'm sure of it.

"Come on, Andres! Relationships are everything!" He began explaining different things as well. Just how fun going out with a partner, the spark of holding someone's hand, and even the desire to kiss them.

"No way." I saw Doris. We almost hit each other, if I did not stop moving. She was standing behind the table, behind me, so when I stood up, I almost hit her. Thankfully, I didn't.

"Oh, Ah…I didn't hear anything!" She claims to be that, but would one even begin to say that if they actually did not hear? never.

"I'm sorry." I apologize for almost hitting her. Yet her eyes were eyeing Eden, who was smiling brightly. It's creepy as hell that I want to stitch his mouth closed forever.

"There's love everywhere, Andres!" He shouted.

I refused to hear him, so I did not look back and walk until I got outside. And when I got outside, everything seemed to be back to normal. The peace I desire, and this loudness that makes my ears numb from every single thing. This is how it should be, and must continue to be.

'Love? As if.'

"I'm Doris!"

For God's sake! Why am I recalling that? at what ground do I stand to recall that? All of this is pointless. All of this is not the way it should be. Nothing has been right since Eden began to give me this concept. Nothing.

"Strange, It is. That, whenever we meet, a sound is encompassing this very heart of mine."

'Perhaps, It is what they call…disease?

—

I am conflicted by the fact that people can now choose their preferences, and how they want to shape this society. One can especially tell that there has been changes, progress, and development. When you learn something, you make use of it. And when you make use of it, there will be progress, regardless if it's for your benefit or your downfall. Every passing day, there's a sentence we frequently ask ourselves. 'What are we living for?'. By that question, we bind ourselves with blinded, restricted, loop answers. An answer that isn't even fitted to call an answer.

"Look at this, love." A woman stretches her arm and watches the leaf fall over her palm. She wasn't alone, she's with someone. Someone, who, perhaps, has her other half of life. Isn't it nice to ponder? How can people smile from a small thing they encounter? maybe, the small thing we consider could already be big for them. Ah, this is why people tend to be thankful. It was for this reason, that even the smallest thing isn't just a small thing for others, but their lifeline and hope.

I continue my walk, as I ponder about those differences that make a human be a human. The trees were blooming, much likely a sign that It's now the season of spring. Coincidentally, I came across a leaf. A four-leaf clover, to be exact. People spread words about this leaf;Love, Faith, Luck, and Hope. However, why did it exactly decide to meet me, out of all the people here?

Love does not mean anything to me.

Faith, I harbor this feeling that someday, I'll perish.

What more can Luck give me, after giving me this one-of-a-kind life I have right now?

Hope. Hope…What could I possibly hope for?

"How can you do this to me?!" It feels like a monologue from a drama, an emotional one at that. The woman was pitiful in appearance, she was trying her best not to shed tears, as she bites those precious lips of hers. The man, on the other hand, was pleading for her mercy. If you are not discerning enough, you will never realize how trash this guy can be. His looks were pleading, but his eyes weren't looking at her eyes. He was merely apologizing for the embarrassment he accumulated from the public, not from hurting his woman.

Funny thing is, on the left side, you can literally see two people who's in love with each other. On the other hand, you will see these two, having a conflict that would…I must say, lead to their relationship's downfall. Humans may be similar in nature, but some things are just meant to be different.

'How do I express love if I don't want to feel it?' I ruminate.

Two windows,

Staring at each other, pointing signals,

If one opens it, a wind will surface.

If one decides to close It,

The wind will not reciprocate.

If you put a fan with it,

Without a doubt, it will be fulfilled.

A fan determines the illusion of reality.

Bees will swarm, surrounding that decision.

Gliding into your downfall.

Would it even be right to call it downfall?

The coarse will be visible,

but it is inevitable.

For that will engrave us,

Dynasty or Century,

Forever.

Loving someone…

"Andres, you're not going to the cafe again?"

Doris and I aren't close, but what we probably feel is mutual. The sense of knowing someone even though you just met. Many times, I've chosen to be distant from others. It's what gives me peace and time to think sanely. When I am around people, I think it drives me into insanity. Like a madman who's lost to the wanders.

"Doris…right? Ah, no." I look at her, and there's that look again. The look that I can't distinguish. It's difficult to read her, but there are times where it's easy to know what's on her mind. She's rather a unique woman to speak of.

"Do you not fancy the crowd?" She asks, as she takes a step to sit beside the bench with me. A lot of people were passing by, with affections in their eyes, I couldn't tell if they were really happy, or just happy at this moment.

"I don't." I replied. And it crossed me. Whenever I feel alone, I always encounter Doris. One way or another, she always appears at a ridiculous, yet right time to accompany me. Does she maybe possess a unique power inside her?

She smiled for a while, staring at the people. Oftentimes, I feel as if she's the same as me. Hiding a lot of things, but strangely have nothing to hide, at the same time. I feel great knowing that fact, and it felt great to know that she was unexpectedly the woman I couldn't refuse to dislike.

"You know, I've only seen you for three days, and we've never even talked. Nevertheless, I feel safe to walk and just talk to you like this." She confessed. I don't know if that smile was meant to be bitter, glad, or sad. However, I was sure it was one of those three.

"Thank you…?" I answered. I did not learn how to take compliments, complaints, nor advice. I just kind of deal with it on the way, all the way.

"Hahaha!"

Are we filming a drama here? When she laughs like that, why does it seem like she conquered the world? as though, the happiest woman to exist. Her hair fluttered in unison, as if it wanted me to notice it. Don't things like these usually happen in the set?

"You have a laid-back personality, Andres." She then stared at me, as though I am the warmth she longs for. It's deep, sentimental, and intense.

"I think I do." Agreeing to her statement, we both laugh it off.

There was silence for a moment.

The silence wasn't uncomfortable, nor was it demanding. It just seemed like a break we had to have, in order to put back the beat once again. We stared at the romance that was blooming at the tip of our eyes, and we were like two people who were one of the couple's acquaintances, happy to witness the situation unfolding in our very own eyes.

"Do you want to be friends, Andres?" I expected it to come to this situation, but at the same time, I didn't. I consider Eden as a man of who he is, not a friend, an agent, an assistant. But simply a man who exists.

Doris, on this side, leans the opposite of Eden. She makes me want to try different things, but it was myself who would just go and refuse. Nonetheless, there's probably nothing wrong with this. This, too, shall pass by.

"Of course." I spoke.

'At that time, It was a mistake to think that there was nothing wrong with this.'