Vol 2 Chapter 24 - The ‘Earls’ Ubba and Guthrum

A.D. 867 Kingdom of Northumbria, 'City-Settlement' of Eoforwich

/povMC/

"Fucking tits!.. the 'ancient' Romans could 'build' the 'fuck' out of a city.. 'building' cities almost as if they were 'taught'.. By the 'gods' themselves.. the 'fuckers' could win a 'metaphorically-hypothetically-literally'.. 'literal-contest'.. of a 'metaphorical' 'build-off' 'competition'.. between an 'army' of 'Roman-builders'.. and a 'army'.. of 'hypothetical- 'beaver-builder's' which are 'human-sized' 'literal-beavers'.. 'building' the fuck out of shit in a 'literal-contest' of 'building' against an 'army' of equivalent number of 'Roman-builders'.. 'equally-building' the 'literal-shit' of 'metaphorical-shit' and what not this 'metaphorical-spiel'.. of a 'literal-pun' of speaking in 'hypotheticals', 'metaphoricals', and 'literals' What say you!? you Harund?.. nothing I know.. you don't fucking talk.. you don't have emotions.. this entire fucking trip never talking.. and so on.. and so forth and what not.. Fuck it!.. To the nearest fucking Brothel I fucking say!.. yes I do!.. what say you 'gents'?.." Im 'sayin'.. as im taking in the sight.. of an actual 'roman-built' 'medieval' 'walled-city'.. 'well-past' into.. 'character' so to say.. of the 'persona' Im going for.. as far as being know by.. I want my 'rookie-of-the-year'.. 'epiteth' to be Aethred the 'mad'.. haha.. gonna be 'righteous' I tell you..

"Not a man of many words indeed m'lord.. you hit the nail right on the head 'sire.. yes you did.." Chaytel the 'poet.. backing me up.. like a 'true' 'second'.. 'in-command' who is always there to 'back-up' his 'liege-lord'.. which is me.. and my 'mad' self.. big 'adventures' I got 'planned' for us.. big 'plans' indeed.. 'plans' to 'slay' the 'worthiest' of enemies to make sacrifices to myself.. in the 'glory' of my name and my 'conquests'.. 'slaying' mortals by day.. 'laying' goddesses by 'night'.. it makes for a 'hard-day's' work.. and then all the sudden it hit me like.. when I 'smack' my dick on a 'whores' face to wake them up in the 'morn'.. as Im looking around the 'stone' paths 'cutting-through' and 'winding-around' the city thats way bigger and way more full of 'activity' than I would have thought for what I've taken to calling the 'peasant-times'.. there's all kinds of 'shit' going on on these streets.. thats why I was having to yell whilst we wearing walking towards the nearest brothel.. we plan to meet the earls on the 'morn'.. after we get settled in the 'brothel' for the night..

After we had 'trudged' through streets for a while.. we approached the 'Northern-Maiden'.. Im disappointed with the name of this brothel as well fuck.. Im gonna open brothels on this side of my 'transfer-space' anyway.. once I do I will 'shed' a little 'creativity' on this poor 'mistreated-world'..

I've held my lute in my hands leaning on my shoulders this entire time whilst walking through the city just preparing for this moment.. by the gods have I prepared.. as we are being 'ushered' in the brothel after leaving the 'draft-horse' and 'wagon' in the 'care' of the 'establishment's' group of 'servant-boys' that were waiting to take them off our hands for some 'coin'.. after we broke that 'threshold'.. I saw them as I was looking around.. all my little 'pretties'.. all my pretty little 'prey.. looking 'juicy' as 'all-get-out'.. every and each one of them.. all in their own ways.. before anyone can greet us or anything I see my 'audience' so I.. 'whip-out' my lute then 'hit' them string.. sending them sounds straight to the 'ear-holes' of the 'courtesans' and 'patrons' in the 'establishment'.. I love the 'Beatles' so of course I had to throw out their song 'hard-day's-night'.. by singing "It's been a..

hard day's night..

And I've been..

working.. like a dog…

It's been a.. hard day's night..

I should be sleeping.. like a log..

But when I.. get home to you..

I find.. the things..

that you do

Will make me.. feel alright..

You know I.. work all day..

To get you.. money to..

buy you things..

And it's worth it..

just to hear you say..

You're gonna..

give me everything..

So why.. on earth..

should I moan..

'Cause when.. I get..

you alone..

You know.. I feel okay..

When I'm home..

Everything seems.. to be right..

When I'm home..

Feeling you.. holding me tight.. tight.. yeah..

It's been a.. hard day's night..

And I've been.. working..

like a dog..

It's been a.. hard day's night..

I should be.. sleeping..

like a log

But when.. I get..

home to you..

I find.. the things..

that you do..

Will make me.. feel alright..

So why.. on earth..

should I moan..

'Cause when I.. get you alone..

You know.. I feel okay..

When I'm home..

Everything seems. to be right..

When I'm home..

Feeling you.. holding me.. tight.. tight.. yeah..

It's been a.. hard day's night..

And I've been.. working..

like a dog..

It's been a.. hard day's night..

I should be.. sleeping..

like a log..

But.. when I get..

home to you..

I.. find the things.. that you do..

Will.. make me feel.. alright.."

By the gods.. I think could literally smell the 'puicy-juices' of the whores starting to drip off their pussies when I finished singing the 'Beatles' song..

After everyone was done 'applauding' me and 'what-not'.. I noticed a 'striking' tall long-'legged' beauty.. approaching me..

"Pardon.. 'young-lord'.. if you would 'play' us another 'song' for us as good as that one.. and all your 'consumption' tonight will be on the 'establishment'.. are you 'interested'?.. m'lord?.." she 'said'..

it did not take long for me to 'recover' from 'visualizing' the terrible things I would do to her body if given the chance.. the 'unforgivable' terribly 'naughty' things I would do with that 'cock-magnet' of a 'body' of her's.. I can tell she must be 'head-matron' of this place.. by the way she carry's herself.. if there's a 'wench' walking around a brothel acting like a 'high-born'.. they are usually the 'head-matron' of most brothels I've been too.. which yes.. I know is only two so far in this life.. but it's two for two now isn't it?.. yes it is.. as Im 'talking' to myself 'thinking' about how 'eager' I grow.. to 'plow' the 'head-matron' who just asked me to 'play' another 'song'.. for her 'patrons'.. and more than likely for some 'spiritual-support'.. for her 'working-girls'.. and I got the 'wheels' turning in my 'head' so to say looking for the 'perfect-song' so to say for said 'patrons'.. and also to give a little 'love' back to her 'ladies-of-the-night'.. so to say 'courtesans' the 'head-matron' has 'employed'..

"I got a song.. What say you fine people!?.. Would you like!?.. 'slap' your hands together if so!?.. hm?.. yes?.. what's that you say good people?.." I was saying until one of the 'patrons' grew impatient of my 'madness'..

"Just play a 'fucking-song'!.. Foriegner!.." he 'shouted'..

"One second!.." I shouted.. then I 'turn't' to the 'head-matron' while everyone was waiting.. "what's your name 'goddess'?.." I asked 'said' 'head-matron'..

"Eadith..".. she answered..

"Ah.. 'sweet' Eadith.. hold this lute for me for just a second my dear would you please?.." I asked her to hold the lute.. so I could answer the 'future-corpse'.. whom just literally 'signed'.. his 'death-warrant' by his own 'choices'.. and the 'words' he just 'chose' to utter from his mouth.. as Eadith took the lute from hand 'instanstly'.. I 'unsheathed' my 'pistols' my 'throwing-knives'.. all one fluid.. with a 'swipe' of both of my 'ambidextrous' hands and a 'flick of my 'ambidextrous' wrists.. and a 'pefectly-timed'.. 'release' of my 'well-trained' fingers.. my two 'pistols'.. 'firing'.. perfectly almost 'soundlessly'.. from my fingers.. 'flying-true' as 'true' as 'true' can be.. 'true'.. anyways.. there was two other men who.. Im assuming work for the man I decided must be 'sacrificed' at this 'time' on this very day.. sitting on the couches who used to be 'hale' and 'healthy'.. 'full-health' so to speak if this were some sort of 'game' or 'book'.. for that matter..

But this is not a 'game' or 'book'.. this is my fucking 'story'.. that I will 'live'.. exactly how I fucking 'want' and no one or 'god' or 'goddess' will 'change that.. that is a fucking 'one-hundred' percent fact..

Anywhos.. 'said' two 'hench-men' working Im assuming supposed to be protecting their 'liege'.. or atleast Im sure thats what they were supposed to get 'paid' for doing.. now it seems.. they have 'recieved' their 'final-salary'.. paid 'in-full' a total 'salary' of one 'throwing-knife' each 'delivered' straight to each of their throats.. directly and 'instanstly' from me 'shooting' them in the necks both.. with my 'pistols' ofcourse.. or my 'throwing-knives' if you didn't hear me when I said I would be calling my 'throwing-knives'.. 'pistols'..

Meanwhilst all this is happening.. the fat and short 'shit-stain' I guess is someone with enough 'wealth' to have two 'Viking-guards' protecting him.. he must have never expected while he was struggling trying tk 'rise' from the arms and whores he was trying tk get 'untangled' from.. I had already 'closed' the 'open-space' between me and him 'sprinting' at 'full-tilt'.. 'leaping' a 'mighty-leap' skill I've been calling it by using my 'physique-stat' and my 'dexterity-stat'.. and 'jumping'..

I used my 'mighty-leap' once I enter the 'range'.. where I could 'leap' and high and long.. really 'swiftly' too.. by the time the soon to be 'dead-fool' finally started 'straightening' his back.. to stand up my foot.. was already there.. my right 'boot'.. 'pressed'.. 'flat-against' his face then I 'stomped' my foot down against his face with all my 'strength' stat, the weight of my body, and the 'intertia' from the 'mighty-leap'.. 'running-start' jump 'face-stomping'

.. maneuver that left the lord's head bursting like a 'melon'.. as his head landed on the ground then I landed.. crushing his face in with my metal boots.. leaving him as little more than a 'breathing-vegetable'..

It happened so faster only the whores that were close enough to watch me murder the three screamed and 'yelped' but for only a moment.. I retrieved my 'pistols' from the corpses of the two 'hench-men' I 'slayed.. then I wiped the blood off of them on the clothes of the corpses.. then I 'holstered' said 'pistols'..