_ The Universe is a Troll

I don't even get to finish my sentence before a bullet slams into my forehead. Everything jerks. The world spins under my feet. 

For a second, I just stand there. Did this little shit just… 

I stagger back, blinking as something small and round plops onto the pavement with an inaudible clink.

It's the bullet. It bounced off. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

The boy's face goes from fear to absolute terror. He scrambles back, his gun shaking in his grip. 

"Okay," I say slowly, rubbing my forehead. "Ow. First of all, rude. Second—rude!" 

The kid makes a choked noise. "Wh-what the fuck are you?!" 

"A very annoyed woman who just got shot in the face, thanks for asking." 

He cocks the gun again. 

I sigh. "Alright, let's not do that again." 

I slap the gun out of his hand. "There. Problem solved." 

He stares up at me. "You're a…" 

"If you say zombie, I will flick you."

The boy's eyes widen. He knows he's screwed.

And then, like a true survivalist—he does the worst possible thing.

He bolts.

Stupid idiot! He knows he's surrounded by zombies and they'll chase him. Well, they did. Who wouldn't when he smells like barbecued chicken?

The zombies don't stop. They don't think. They don't even stumble. They just run.

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

I don't even think. I move. 

"If anyone deserves to eat him, it's me, not you fuckers!" I scream before sprinting faster than I should. 

Faster than humanly possible.

One second I'm standing still, and the next, I'm right there, grabbing the boy by the back of his collar and yanking him behind me.

He barely has time to yelp.

The zombies snarl, their faces wrench, eyes glaze over, completely mindless.

I sneer. The hunger is still eating me up. My throat still burns.

But right now, I need to save this boy. 

One of the zombies jumps, mouth wide open, rotten teeth aiming for my throat. Or maybe his throat, but since I yanked him behind me… 

I don't dodge. I don't jerk. I just grab the nearest broken piece of metal off the ground… 

And I swing.

The rusted blade slices clean through its neck.

The head pops right off. The body stumbles forward a little then crashes to the ground, limp.

The severed head rolls away. It doesn't move again.

Oh.

Ohhh.

Look how effortlessly I just killed a zombie? No guns, no extra effort. Just whoosh like Da Vinci!

I grin. The boy behind me chokes on his own spit.

I roll my shoulders, blood roaring in my veins—or, uh, whatever is flowing in there now.

The zombies keep coming. They don't stop. The only thing in their line of vision is food and their primal instinct is to get it no matter what. 

But now?

I know how to stop them. I yanked myself at them with force. The world becomes a ring of snarls, broken bones, and pure slaughter.

I slice through one, sending its head flying into a nearby window. It shatters on impact.

I grab another and slam it into the ground before bringing the blade down across its neck.

I tear through them like a goddamn storm.

And for the first time since waking up in this nightmare, I feel alive.

The boy?

He just stands there, completely horrified.

When the last zombie falls, twitching in its own ooze, I turn to face him. Blood drips down my arms. My clothes are torn. My hair is a disaster.

I probably still look like a rotting corpse. He gapes at me, chest heaving, sweat beading on his brow.

I grin, flashing my very sharp teeth.

"Hey, kid," I say, wiping black sludge off my cheek. "Got any food?"

He faints.

…

I sigh, staring at his unconscious body.

[Task Progress: 0%]

I glare at the system message.

It glares back. I glance at the boy. Then at the message. Then back at the boy.

I groan, flopping onto the ground.

"I am not eating this kid," I mutter. "I don't care how ugly I am."

But deep down, I know one thing for certain.

I can't fight this hunger forever.

.

.

For almost ten minutes, I lay there, waiting for him to regain his consciousness and senses. However, time is not on our side as the noises have attracted more zombies.

This time around, while I fight some off, some might just grab him from behind me. Hence, I roll over and shake him aggressively.

"Wake up, you chicken!"

I shake and shake his body before he finally groans out in pain. 

"Grrrr!" The angry snarls of zombies draw closer and closer, almost enveloping us.

The sight alone is enough for him to regain more than his senses. Bro jerks up, trembling while glancing around him.

Then I move. Faster than I think. I just want to dash toward him, not bolt like I am The Flash or something!

I try to grab him, but he jerks away, pushing me hard away from him.

His eyes and jaw slack simultaneously. 

"Stay away from me!"

"Grrrr!" The zombies groan in response. 

His mouth snaps shut at that. The zombies around us are completely drawn to the noise. 

I glance at them. They still don't see me as food, but they definitely see him. 

Right. Time to go. I grab the kid by the collar. 

He yelps. "Wait, what are you…" 

I throw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes. 

"Kid, we're running." 

And then I take off. As fast as I did just a minute ago. 

The boy screams. "PUT ME DOWN—!" 

"Not unless you want to get eaten!" 

"YOU'RE TRYING TO EAT ME!" 

"Not yet!" 

"NOT YET?!"