23. TURNING POINT I; Opening Ones Eyes.
My eyes sharpened as my mind cleared.
Alot was still missing, but it was absolutely clear.
I needed a plan.
A real one that was not just about reacting to events that were happening to me, but something of my own making.
Something that went beyond simply repeating the same damn actions.
Something to save Anna, to save Jessa, and to save myself from the endless cycle of death and despair.
But what?!
I needed to stop a cycle that I had repeatedly found out was more of a dead ended path to the death of billions and an infinite tower of erased corpses!
No, you damn well listen to me, Darren! We can't feed them! Every timeline that is doomed needs to be chucked into the void like a goddamn pile of shattered glass!
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Now forget!
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What could I even do to stop such a vast and powerful entity like kirin?!
What could I do to save them?
To protect them, to change the path before us? To ensure that the love we shared was not for nothing? What could I do other than keep trying?
Then, Kirin's voice, sharp, and dismissive, crashed through my thoughts:
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"Are you a goddamn moron, successor?! I didn't save you from oblivion so you could get your soul yanked out and your body puppeted by a champion class threat that had turned himself into a goddamn devourer who you poked out of ignorance!
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Apparently that wasn't the first time I had jumped down the throat of a dragon with no plan at all.
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That bastard is not meant for YOU to deal with at your current level! He was living out his stupid 'sealed master' fantasy that sealed monsters like to play at and you jumped in like a moron! Your soul could have been trapped in THAT SPECIFIC timeline forever while your body shambled around doing busywork for a goddamn senile nutcase who would only wake up upon prime-devourer calling him! What the hell, successor?!"
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Kid, you can't just try something that obvious. You won't remember this until the final battle and you'll hate me then, but for god's sake, think things through!
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Why do you three still keep remembering this? The memory seal should work!
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A sealing key? A good try this time.
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Try distracting me with something inane next time.
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Might work. I'll take those telepathy earrings, maybe try bracelets.
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Eh, fuck it. Don't actually ever remember this.
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I'm doing something more hardcore this time. Fuckin' unpredictable, this witchery shit.
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The words, now like physical blows against my mind, felt like they were scraping at my very soul, bringing with them flashes of other worlds, other failures, and the echoes of countless deaths that all belonged to me, to me, and only me as a mountain of pain and a sense of hopelessness came crashing into my consciousness all at once.
The faces of countless versions of myself all dying in different ways all reached out to me with a desperate plea for salvation.
The power he offered was a truth, but wrapped in too many lies.
I was not an ally, I was nothing more than a tool, a thing that was to be used.
But clearly not to be discarded.
I knew it deep within my very core, that he needed us alive, so I'd use that against him.
A cold rage settled in, a calm that felt as solid as a stone, as the rest of my emotions recoiled and sought any form of escape. The training, the deaths, and the endless timelines - everyone died and it wasn't just my fault due to ignorance.
He orchestrated this shit, and I needed to fucking kill him just as much as I do the Prime Devourer.
How, though?
Direct action didn't work last time, I realized, a new, chilling thought taking hold, I needed a new way.
A way to seal him and to remove his control over my existence and the existence of those I loved.
Jessa.
Anna.
A way to use his own machinations and hints against him.
I needed to make a plan. A real one that would leave him with no way out. To make it so that even if I died, he wouldn't be able to just shrug it off and move on. To make him feel a fraction of the pain and hopelessness that I was feeling right now, and would do all along my road to becoming his executioner.
I also needed my body to age back to our bodies' natural ages.
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"Being 13 again physically is garbage!"
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Except as more memories poured in, I realize this has happened multiple times.
"I figured you out, sorry Darren, Forget!"
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"You want to know why? Well, the mortal limit needs to be reached before the age of 14 to unlock the best possible expression of Ki. So you've done that, I'll turn you back when I feel you've earned it, soon. - wait, why are you acting like you already complained about this? You remember again, don't you?"
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My stomach churned, a violent, involuntary spasm that threatened to send the nonexistent contents of my last meal, back up my throat.
That was the last set of 'loops'.
They all blurred together, but I had been at the peak of the internal apprentice level since before I had even asked that.
I stumbled into a narrow alleyway, the stench of stale refuse, rotting vegetables, and something vaguely resembling urine a was welcome, if disgusting, distraction from the bile that was clawing its way up my esophagus.
It was better than thinking if I was even still the same person anymore.
I wouldn't fall prey to my own weakness.
Not with the lingering feeling of Kirin's amusement still clinging to my skin.
My knees hit the grimy, uneven cobblestones, and I vomited, a wretched, heaving mess that splattered onto the ground, the sound echoing unnaturally loud in the narrow confines of the alley.
The taste of bile was a bitter, and disgusting tang of the worst feeling I had ever felt.
The grossness of the vomit in my mouth and pouring from my throat felt like a visceral reminder of the lives I had just ended and the countless timelines I had helped to erase-
It was all in the name of some twisted, convoluted plan that was meant to save everyone in a way that stemmed from Kirin refusing to understand the concept of infinite numbers!
A shudder ran through me, not just from the physical exertion of vomiting, but from the cold, hard implications of my actions.
Hundreds of billions, I thought with clarity beyond any thought I had ever had before that one.
The number of lives taken felt like a crushing weight on my chest, a mountain of souls that I had helped to extinguish.
Kirin, that manipulative, arrogant bastard, had told me, each time erasing the revelation from my memory, that erasing timelines was a necessary evil, a way to starve the Prime Devourer of fuel.
He claimed it was to prevent the devourer from using those timelines once it awoke, or arrived, or whatever the hell it was doing.
He'd never been clear about the Prime Devourer's location, or even if it was sealed. He spoke of it as if it was some kind of force of nature, something that could not be stopped, only contained.
But there had to be a better way than killing billions! Maybe if we were strong enough, we could go back and save those worlds, those people, those lives?! Maybe, if we were strong enough, we could actually fight back and win?!
What the hell is wrong with him?!
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"Your softness will get everyone killed! If infinity is unlimited, I'll just make the numbers smaller!"
"THAT'S NOT HOW INFINITY WORKS, KIRIN!"
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Ah, fuck.
The lack of understanding of algebra and constants.
The end of the world is caused by someone with too much power not understanding math that doesn't directly involve numbers.
Great.
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After sitting there for a few minutes I felt like I had recovered enough from the physical, emotional, and otherwise extremely personal backlash of getting my mental reality rearranged.
So I pushed myself to my feet with my body trembling.
Not just from the sickness, but from the sheer weight of my own thoughts, my own guilt.
I looked down at the pair of swords at my hip, the smooth, dark hilts cool against my skin, a tangible reminder of the two women I needed to protect so that they could protect me. Anna and Jessa, my two anchors in this chaotic mess, the only reason I was willing to wade through this sea of blood and despair. They were the reason I was doing this, the reason I was willing to risk everything.
I had a concrete goal now, a path to follow, a purpose that was not dictated by Kirin's manipulations.
Bile and empty stomach acid of various acidity and illness rushed up my throat again as I tried to calm my revolting stomach.
But I forced myself to get back on track.
First, I needed to find a new enchanter, a real one this time, someone who wasn't a charlatan or a puppet of some greater evil. The specialist in enchanting witchery had scammed me on the sealing key's potency last time, that pathetic little trinket that was supposed to help me seal Kirin the last time I remembered what he was actually doing. That was a mistake I couldn't and wouldn't make again, a lesson learned in the blood of countless lives.
Second, I needed to find a way to retain my memories, even after Kirin erased them. I couldn't keep relying on his manipulations to guide me; I needed to be in control of my own fate, my own mind.
Third, I needed to find a way to communicate with Anna and Jessa without Kirin noticing, without his all-seeing eyes and his manipulative whispers. He was too controlling, too manipulative, and I couldn't trust him. He was using us, and I was done being a pawn in his game.
Fourth, I needed to trick Kirin into giving us back our original ages. Being thirteen again was a joke, a pathetic attempt to control us, to make us more pliable, more easily manipulated. Fifth, I needed to trick Kirin into automating the transfers to the dimensions.I was tired of being his puppet, of being yanked around like a ragdoll.
Sixth, I needed to trick Kirin into letting us all go to the same city and timeline, to the same place where we could fight together, where we could protect each other. We were stronger together, and I wouldn't let him separate us again.
With my goals set, a cold, hard determination settled within me, a burning ember of defiance that refused to be extinguished. I walked out of the alleyway, my steps now purposeful, my gaze fixed on the path ahead. The weight of the world still rested on my shoulders, but now it was a weight I was willing to carry, a burden I would not relinquish.
I was not just a tool, I was not just a pawn, I was a force of nature, and I would not be denied. I would find a way to break free from this cycle, to save those I loved, and to make Kirin pay for his manipulations.