Chapter 1 : Goblin Head Stew 1

['HanrabongVendor' has donated 10,000!]

– I like your face and those rare saintess-like moments, but can't you change your nasty taste in food?

"Hey, this is what I don't understand!? What's wrong with me eating what I want to eat?"

['KillHanzo' has donated 100,000!]

– Streamer, I'm begging you. Please eat some normal food. Use this to buy chicken.

"Thank you, KillHanzo. I'll use your 100,000 won to buy lots of sugar, salt, and seasonings and put effort into developing new dishes."

['KillHanzo' has donated 1,000!]

– I'm feeling regret and despair over what I just funded…

"Oh, you're feeling bad? I'll sing a song at the end of the stream to cheer you up, how about that?"

-?

-Oh?

-Really?

-Whoa

-She's gonna sing?

-If it's the streamer singing, that's a certified moment.

-Rushed back the moment I heard she's gonna sing.

-Singing?

-Oh!

-Nice~

-Nice? What do you mean, "nice," you crazy bastard?

"Let me remind you, singing is not my main content. The association even told me not to sing too much."

-Huh…?

-Illegal saintess?

-What now?

-Why the association?

-She's probably talking nonsense.

-Not the first time the streamer's made things up, lol.

"As a saintess, it's common knowledge that just by singing, I can give buffs, right? Maybe that's why? They said my broadcast could become some sort of psychotropic wave distribution channel…"

-Common knowledge??

-???

-Huh???

-That's common knowledge?

-'Psychotropic wave' = that's basically saying you're spreading drugs.

-The saintess spreading drugs through her songs…

-Drug Noona ㅗㅜㅑㅗㅜㅑ

-Lustful Noonaㅏㅏㅏ

-It's not drugs, it's aphrodisiacs!

-Hahaha, aphrodisiac lol

-But if she has even a slight buffing ability, guilds would go crazy trying to recruit her. Why's she just a streamer?

-Come to think of it, didn't the streamer solo an A-rank dungeon? What rank is she anyway? Does she have a Hunter's license?

Watching the holographic chat scroll rapidly, I couldn't help but smirk at the camera.

"I won't comment on the Hunter's license. As for why I stream, it's because talking with you all is fun. Eating doesn't feel so lonely."

-True.

-No cap, there's nothing better to do than play with loser viewers, lol.

-Noona is sometimes so damn pretty.

-Wow, she looked kinda pretty just now.

-What do you mean? Noona was always pretty.

-She is. It's just that her food preferences don't match her face…

"Anyway, the association asked me to refrain from singing if possible. It's just a recommendation, though. They're probably worried someone might try to exploit me. But, for viewers who are exhausted and struggling through their daily lives, singing a few times should be fine, right?"

-Saintess Noona is now my wife, and any attack on noona is an attack on me.

-?

-??

-Get that guy outta here.

-What did the streamer do to deserve this, you crazy bastard?

-He crossed the line.

-Madman.

-I've marked you for a takedown. Stay put, lol.

"It's okay. It's okay. Delusions are free. In your imagination, you can do whatever you want, right?"

-Did Noona imagine eating that goblin head raw?

-Haha, no matter how much I like Noona, that's a bit much, lol.

-That's too far, haha.

"Oh, how did you know?"

-?

-?

-?

-??

-?

-????

Ignoring the countless hooks being thrown in the chat, I took out a bowl.

By the way, this is a new bowl I bought specifically for today's stream.

It's a stone pot traditionally used for stew.

"They say stone pots are the best for stews, so I bought one at the convenience store in front of my house."

-Hahaha, she even prepared a stone pot for this, lol.

-Wow, Noona… you really are something…

-Ah! That's the same kind of pot I have at home!

-Our Noona apologizes once again for today…

When it comes to food, the ingredients, freshness, and process are important, but the most crucial thing is presentation.

Even heavenly food loses its appeal if it's presented like slop. On the other hand, even a dish that doesn't taste great becomes more enjoyable with good presentation.

First, I placed the goblin head neatly into the stone pot…

"Ah! It got crushed."

-Ugh, gross…

-Hahahahaha

-Look at that, the goblin head got squished because it was overcooked, hahaha.

-Isn't Noona just that strong?

-That's true, haha.

No, it's because I overcooked it.

What can I do when even a light press with the ladle turns the head to powder and mushes it up…

"I guess I'll have to change the name from goblin head stew to goblin meat stew."

-What's the difference?

-Did you try too hard with the presentation and mess it up?

"Can you all shut up for a second? I need to focus."

-Noona… is goblin stew more important than us?

"Right now, this is more important."

-Hahaha

-Hahahaha

-Hahahaha, classic Noona.

I placed the rice into the stone pot and layered the mashed meat on top.

Then, I poured the broth that had been simmering for hours.

By the way, I really put a lot of effort into this broth.

Radish, dried pollack, whole garlic, onions, Cheongyang peppers, and even some pear slices were added, and it simmered for six hours.

Since it was cooked over a flame fueled by holy power, the heat was more than guaranteed.

Then, I mixed in a spoonful of seasoning I bought from a nearby stew restaurant. After that, I garnished it with finely chopped scallions…

"There, presentation complete. Doesn't it look pretty good?"

-Oh?

-Why does it actually look fine, lol?

-Isn't that just seolleongtang (ox bone soup)?

-Looks like seolleongtang but with bigger chunks of meat.

-It looks so much better without the goblin head.

"No, that's not the point. Without the goblin head, it's just regular stew. You need the goblin head to know it's goblin head stew, but it's so overcooked that it's all crushed."

-Hahahahaha

-That damn goblin, haha.

-The head of disgust.

-Noona, please stop with this crazy stuff…

-Hahahahaha

-Noona, please, lol.

I smiled as I watched the chat scroll in flames.

"Hehe, but talking with you all while eating makes it feel like I'm not eating alone."

At least I'm satisfied with the presentation.

"Anyway, it's mealtime. Anyone wanna eat with me?"

['KawaiiHorned' has issued a challenge with a 200,000 donation!]

– If you finish it all within 10 minutes and enjoy it, I'll add another 300,000.

['FailedTangerineFarm' has donated 10,000!]

– Finish it in 10 minutes and say "Fk yeah~" for an extra 50,000.

"Oh? A challenge out of nowhere?"

-A battle emerges, lol.

-Haha, if you made it, you might as well eat it all, lol.

-But that stone pot looks huge, isn't there a ton of food?

-That looks like at least eight servings.

-Can she really eat it all?

"We won't know until I try, right?"

Looks like you guys underestimated me. Do you think I made some grotesque dish to mess with your eyes?

I take food and cooking very seriously.

At first, this body was born with these abilities, but now, it's my personal preference.

And this?

A mere eight servings of stew?

Piece of cake.

"Alright. We're starting now, no backing out."

-Hahaha, look at the streamer smiling for real, hahaha.

-Noona sometimes makes me wonder if she's really a saintess…

-Haha, look at her eyes.

"Let's start…!"

Bang!!!

Just as I was about to begin eating, I felt a dull thud on my head.

"Huh…?"

-?

-??

-??

-What is it???

An arrow?

It's an arrow.

I felt bad for the person who shot it, but my skin is tough enough that even without enhancing it with holy power, bullets can't penetrate it.

There's no way an arrow could leave a scratch on me.

However, the problem was that due to the strength of my skin and body, the arrow rebounded with great force…

Crash!!!

…and slammed into my stone pot.

In an unexpected turn of events, the pot was knocked out of my hands, and the arrow, along with the pot, flew into the ground.

Of course, the arrow didn't lose any of its force and shattered the stone pot, which I had just bought yesterday.

My lovingly prepared goblin head stew splattered and was absorbed into the dirt.

"...…"

-What the heck is this, haha.

-What is this…

-What was with that arrow, hahaha.

-LMAO

-Look at the accuracy, that arrow perfectly hit the pot, hahaha.

-Guess even goblins can't bear to see their kin turned into stew, haha.

-Hahahahaha.

-Hahahaha.

-Hahahahahaha.

-What the heck just happened, haha.

-Ah, what is going on, hahaha.

-The challenge ended right as it began, lol.

-Haha.

-Lol.

-Hahaha.

"....."

Creak!

Eeek!

Screech!

As I stared blankly at the shattered stone pot, I heard distant sounds.

Goblin sounds.

I thought I had wiped them all out, but it seemed a few more had crawled out like cockroaches from somewhere.

-Hahaha, my stomach hurts from laughing, haha.

-Look, the streamer's snapped.

-Hahaha.

-She's lost it, hahaha.

-Well, you'd snap too if you'd been boiling that stew since before the stream started, lol.

-Hahaha, don't cry, Noona, lol.

-Hahaha, cry lol, haha.

-Haha, no, maybe Noona actually planned this with the goblins. It was all scripted so the pot would shatter.

-Scripted with the goblins…?

-That'd be more impressive, wouldn't it?

-Script, my ass, lol.

['IWantToHitTheBaldManager' has donated 1,000,000!]

-The gods of entertainment have blessed our Noona, long live Noona.

['DeathToOvertime' has donated 250,000!]

– I'm laughing out loud at work thanks to you, Noona. Now people are giving me weird looks.

['KawaiiHorned' has donated 300,000!]

-Hahaha, you failed the challenge but here's a donation, hahaha. I laughed so hard, lol.

The chat and donation messages were exploding with laughter, but I couldn't laugh at all.

No, I didn't even react.

My eyes remained fixed on the shattered pot.

I had spent hours preparing the ingredients, getting help from the lady at the stew restaurant, boiling the broth, buying a new stone pot… I even blessed and purified the goblin head and meat with holy power, so viewers wouldn't find it disgusting or gross before I started cooking.

And it wasn't just any goblin.

It was a hobgoblin.

While not difficult to kill, they're rare to find.

A subspecies of goblin, a real rarity.

And now, the hobgoblin head stew that I hadn't even gotten to taste was being absorbed into the earth.

'Burp, delicious. Thank you, saintess.'

It felt like I was hearing the voice of the earth mother, satisfied and full, in my head.

"...…."

-Yo, the streamer's really snapped.

-And for good reason, lol.

-She's seriously lost it, hasn't she?

-Haha.

Deciding that I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up.

[Miracle – Descent of the Holy Flesh]

Crack!

I felt my spine slightly twist as my vertebrae and back started to boil.

The boiling flesh began to regenerate and rot in cycles until it formed a large, tentacle-like shape.

Scattered all over the tentacle were gnashing teeth, clattering together in hunger.

It didn't look saintly at all, but this was my favorite ability.

Behind the pure and beautiful appearance of the saintess was the grotesque, twisted flesh-tentacles and teeth, creating an unbalanced charm.

And above all, it gave me more hands to use.

-Oh, wow, oh wow.

-Saintess Noona with tentacles has arrived.

-Whoa, seeing this live is incredible.

-Oh!!!!!!

-Legendary.

-It's happening.

-Yes, yes, yes!

-Oh wow.

-Clap, clap, clap.

-Noonaaaaaaa, devour meeeeeeeee.

-TMI: This woman could probably actually eat you for real.

"…Everyone, I'm sorry, but I think today's broadcast will change from a mukbang to something else."

Click, click, click, click, click!!!

The tentacles protruding from my waist began to clatter their teeth, as if they had picked up the scent of meat nearby, demanding food.

And I, their master, twisted my lips in hunger and anger as I turned to where the goblin sounds were coming from.

-TMI: When she's angry, Noona starts speaking formally.

-That's right, haha.

-Lol, her speech has completely changed.

-Haha.

"Today's stream… will become a dungeon massacre broadcast. I trust you'll understand."

-Let's goooooooo!

-Let's gooooo!

-Whoa, Noonaaaaaaa!!

-Noona's the prettiest when she's doing dungeon raids.

-Damn, she's cool, lol.

-But is she really that mad about not eating goblin head stew?

-Kid, you need to read the room.

-Anyone who interrupts Noona's meal is dead meat, lol.

-Hahahaha.

['KawaiiHorned' has issued a new challenge!]

– If you wipe them all out in 30 minutes, I'll donate 1,000,000.

But I no longer saw the chat, donations, or challenges.

All I could think about was chewing the head of the goblin that shot that arrow alive.