Ch:1: the madness begins

Year: 2023, the launch of Sword art online.

Trf's POV:

Announcer on tv: "today is the day of the first vrmmo rpg sword art online! stores are flooding with people wanting to play this game and-"*Tv switches off*

Me:(on the phone) "heh it's time bro".

Pap:(on the other end) "Really!? cool! man I'm so damm mad that you'l be the first one to play it like always big brother! Good luck with that! and try not to kill anybody with your puns! for God's sake please!"

Me: "we'll see pap and I'll try to not to "pun" my way out of it, hehe, *sigh* see ya later pap".

Pap: " Did you just-!? rrrrraaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!!!!" *hangs up*

Me: *lies down on his bed and puts the nerve gear on* "let's see, time 12.00, check, battery power full, check, ketchup ready to drink when finished,*feals pocket on his blue jacket*, check, okey dokey, LINK START!"

Time skip to spawn: brought to you by chibi TRF fiering an unknown object at the screen.

Me, kirito: "sword art online, been a while since the beta, I wonder if they changed enything?,*looks up to see a bunch of ads* oh come on really! that's just disgusting!, activate add blocker,*add blocker dlc shows saying to pay £29.99*, hehehe,*sigh* I'm gona burn this f**ker to the ground".

Me: *turns around* " hey what's up kirito" *kirito notices me*

Kirito: "hey! If it isn't TRF the beta buster! long time no see,*bro fists me* how's it been since you kinda cloned me and made a girl version of me?"

Me: "hey! It was an accident! and that doesn't mean it's all bad besides you got another sister now which is like you and not like your sister which rapes men in their sleep".

Kirito: "heh, yea guess your right on that one, anyways kirina should loggin in a min, so who is this f**ker you want us to meet? I hope she's not a retard like me or kirina."

Me: " well your lucky because she isn't, and there she comes now *points to sinon running towards them with another girl* looks like she met kirina and brought her too".

Kirito: "well it looks like she's not a retard if she befriended her so quickely, she usually punches the person in the face and then proceeds to throw them out the window and in the trash".

sinon: "hey there TRF *hugs me and I hug back* and you must be his friend kirito, kirina here told me about you and what happened"

Kirina: " yea and also hey TRF been a while hasn't it."

Me: " it sure has kirina, anyways a wierd guy is coming towoards us so girls, please stand by us"

Sinon and kirina went and stood by me and kirito and then the guy starting talking to us.

???: " you 4 are beta testers and your the beta buster right?!(Me: "damn it! Looks like everyone knows!) can you teach me the baisics, please! I'll repay ya later!"

Me,kirito: "fine, jinx!,*sigh*"

???: "awesome!"

Sinon: *wispers to kirina* "why did they say yes?"

Kirina: *wispers back* "because if they didn't, he would probably just come back and beg like a b**ch later, also because they'll probably mess around with him" *boath laugh a little bit evilly*

___________________________________

In a field near the town of beginnings a scream was heard.

Kirito's PoV:

???: "AAAaaaa! god!"*grunts while holding his privates*.

Me: "wow congrats, being defeated by a pig". * TRF chuckles in the background*.

???: "F*ck you man! That's like the pig from hell!"

Me: "really?" Man this guys stupid *throws a rock using a sword skill killing the boar*

TRF, sinon, kirina:*applauds*

me: "my god, I think might've stumbled upon best weapon in the game"

???: "stop"

Me:"the legendary mithryl pebble of pig smiting!"

???: "please stop".

TRF: "girls grab some popcorn because this is gonna be a long story"* spawns popcorn for them to eat*

Sinon, kirina: " cool thanks!"

Me: *begins story* "for you see! long ago, this pebble was forged beneath the fiery mountain pits of tatarus, by grand blacksmith of lucifer himself-"

Time skip: brought to you by chibi Kirito saying his story while everybody else in the series/ parody is asleep.

kirito was finishing up his story standing while TRF was sitting down beside him with sinon and kirina leaning on him while sleeping while ??? Was lying down on the grass, admiring the view.

Me: "soon mardosa, guardian of the pebble fell to his knees and passed from this world, leaving behind the mighty weapon, for he knew that one day! It's power would be required once more."

???: "are you done"

Me: "yes, "but the legacy of the pebble lives on"

TRF: " nice 4 hour story of the century man"

Me: "why thank you"

???: "i get the feeling you two get beaten up irl".

Me,TRF: "shut up! Here We have power!"

???: "anyways I got some pizza coming and I gonna meet some friends later so thanks for the quick tutorial on pig slaying, and the not so quick tutorial on... rocks, ki-rito an TRF-PRIME."

Boath: "sure thing and we had fun talking to you.... balls_deep_69?"

Balls:"it's a joke name"

TRF: "Oh I get it! You'll make a new account later right?"

Balls: "bulls eye"

Me: "right,right.... so you're pizza?"

Balls: "right,right, logging out".

TRF wakes up the girls and we're about to leave until we heard balls say "hey kirito, total noob question. But how do I log out?" TRF turned around a bit concerned when he heard this.

Me: "are you serious man".

Balls: "come on man this is nerve gear I can't altar afford this sh*t."

Me:*sigh* "alright fine *opens menu* it's right*sees no logout button*here?"

Balls: (sarcastic) "well thanks players guide."

TRF notices and says: "no it should be there, but it's blank some reason?"

Balls: "wait something's scroling over mine". "Haha...hahaha...hahahahahahah."

All the other four:(annoyed) "alright we get it".

Balls: "wait there's more... ha".

TRF: "riveting".

Balls: "whatever,I'll just pull it off, like sow!"*making a knight helmet takeoff gesture*.

Me: "you can't the nerve gear intercepts the persons manovering making them unconscious irl I mean have you seen the videos of the beta testers".

*shows Video of a beta tester".

Beta tester: " wow cool"

Guy's Friend: "hey man how it going-"

Beta tester: "TROLL!"

*The video shows the beta tester punching him in the gut repeatedly before it goes off.*

TRF: "that's gonna make so many lawsuits".

Kirina, sinon: "hey, you guys feel tingly?"

"Then there was just white"

________________________________

No ones PoV:

Everyone got teleported to the town of beginnings.

TRF,Kirito: "no why."

Balls points to the sky, "hey, what's that up there."

Sinon: "I believe balls the locals called it a hexa-gon, not sure if I'm pronouncing it corectaly i'll Have to check back with you". Everybody except balls laughed at this.

Balls: "f*ck off"

The sky fills up with them until it's completely covered, the it starts to bleed.

TRF: "and the sky's bleeding ".

Kirina: "man their really working for that m rating".

Radom girl: "oh my god what's going on?!"

Random boy: "don't worry baby i'll Protect you".

Then the blood turned into a big red clocked figure.

Random player: "oh, its a person." TRF, Sinon,Kirito and kirina face palm at this

???: "greetings lady's and gentlemen, I am kyaba akihiko, and I welcome you to online experience that is, sword art online-."

Everyone starts chatting.

Kyaba akihiko: "um hello- oh u,, hello- people I'm talking here, focus*sigh* okey I'll just do this and-"*accidentaly mute's himself*

Balls: "does he know he just muted himself"

Kirina: "give him a min"

Kyaba akihiko:*unmutes himself* okey um... sorry just realised what just happened, anyways have any of you seen tron?"

Everybody is silent

Kyaba akihiko: "Really!? None of you- sh*t I was really banking on that, but I can still wing this*cough**cough* much like the world of Warcraft, of you are here by choice anymore. Unlike who however you are being held here by me, not by your need to escape your empty f*cking lives. There's no longer anyway to log out of sword art online, if someone try's to log you out by removing your nerve gear, well has anybody seen scanners?"

Everybody still silent.

Kyaba akihiko: "Scanners, scanners it's a movie, no one? Okey give me a sec" brings up a bunch of things and then shows a video "ok here we go, watch this* guys head explodes in the vid* this is scanners, so... basically that* everyone gasps* ah, now there's gears turning we're making progress".

Steven: "why would you do scutch a thing!?"

Kyaba akihiko: "Steven? steven is that you!? Steven how's it going playing the advanced copy?"

Steven: "I'm playing with my family!"

Kyaba akihiko: " haha of course, happy birthday Timmy*timmy cry's* aaahhh they grow up so fast cherish these moments Steven, cherish these moments". "So as I was saying, to keep the nerve gear from going off you have to make it through castle aincrad and complete Sao"

"So you want us to beat an mmo!"

Kyaba akihiko: that's right"

"F*ck you!"

Kyaba akihiko: "wow,wow! Watch it foul mouth don't appreciate it"

"When was the last time you hear someone beated Everquest"

Kyaba akihiko: "when was the last time you hear anyone playing Everquest"

"Eh he got you there"

Kyaba akihiko: "And for anyone playing girls as guys, well I got a surprise for you".

TRF: "huh, a mirror- *blue light appeared then disappeared * what happened, huh kirito! Balls!"he saw that their looks changed except for the girls

Balls: "my name is Kline".

Kirito: "haha, no it's not"

Random guy: "your not a girl!?"

Random guy: "and your not 17!?"

Random guy: "I'm ok with this!"

Random guy: "me to!"

Angry player: "love loves no gender!!"

 Kyaba akihiko: "as you can see, I took away you game looks and revealed who you truly are... badly attractive 20somethings, huh interesting, this will bring down the stereotypes, except you fatty, you'l Bring down the curve, anywho to anyone if your health reaches zero well your real body's perish as well."

"What!?"

Kyaba akihiko: "okey if you die in game, you die for real".

"What!?"

Kyaba akihiko: (aggravated) "sometimes! People are born, the live and then they stop, forever."

"....What!?"

TRF: *chuckles*

Kyaba akihiko: *brings up scanners video again*

"O god we die in game we die for real!"

TRF,kirito,sinon, kirina:*facepalm* " we are surrounded by a bunch of retards".

Kyaba akihiko: "okey I'll keep that in the tab, and with that i'll Bid you all a dew, oh! I also disabled the profenaty filter, have fun with that"*goes back into the sky and pops out of existence*

....

....

.........

"WERE FUCKED!!!"

________________________________

in an alleyway near the area TRF, Kirito and the others are talking to each other.

TRF: "Welp common guys, let's head to the next town, and sinon. here" *toses her a bow*

Sinon: "huh?*catches it* what! That's the best bow in the game how'd you find it!?"

TRF: "I'll explain the damn details later and why is kirito running and crying at the same time?"

Kirina : "don't know let's follow" * all run after him while balls standing there*

Balls: "well screw you too! Think you 4 are too good enough to join my guild just because you know how to kill a boar."

With the other 4:

Kirito: *crying*" waaaaaa! He called me an asshole!"

kirina: "well you can't complain really!"

sinon: "what should we do now?"

TRF: "head to the next town, raid everything there then move on to the next".

Kirito: "so let's go, no point waiting for everybody else to stop panicking like bitches".*points to the town of beginnings which was in chaos*

TRF: " sure since were in a party anyways*notices sinon standing stiff with fear in her eyes* and hey sinon, don't worry we'll all make it, here *gives her a piggy back ride while running with the other two* I'll help out since your still shocked alright partner".

Sinon: "huh?! Oh-*blushes* sure t-thanks"

TRF: "*smiles* ok now let's rain hell on this game!!!" *puts fist up*

Everyone: "hell yes!!!"

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A/N: well that was chapter one everybody chapter 2 will take longer to get out but don't worry it's gonna be done, anyways that's all from me and I'll talk to you all later!