THERAPY SESSION

It was around ten am on Monday when I stepped out of the house, the early morning sun smiling down at me. I was a bit confident as I stepped out for my therapy session in a black flare short gown, brown slippers, and gold accessories.

I and Dr Johnson, a black middle-aged woman who looks like she is nothing above 35 always smiling but at the same time her facial expressions are always serious, concluded that our meeting would be on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday by 10:30 am.

As I stepped into her office, I noticed how everything was color-coordinated and well-arranged and it gave me a sense of peace. Her table sat across a brown cushion which she motioned me to sit on as I came inside. As I sat down my eyes darted to the black archaic clock on the wall just above her table subconsciously counting the hands of the seconds as it ticked. I was so engrossed in my counting that I didn't notice her till she had brought her chair directly opposite me.

I looked at her taking in her beauty, I still couldn't believe she was fifty-one. The blue corporate gown she wore showcased her body so well, and the way she put up her braids made her face look like she was easy to talk to.

"You are punctual, I love that," she told me, and even though I had been watching the clock since I sat down my mind refused to have registered the time. I glanced at the clock this time noting the time, it was 10:33, and I had been there for five to seven minutes, "Yeah, I don't like my time being wasted so I try not to waste others' time," I replied her even though it has been a minute since she mentioned my punctuality and probably wasn't expecting my response now.

"Do you need water or juice before we start?" She asked, "Water, please. Thank you," I replied to her, and she walker over to the small fridge next to her bookshelf got me a bottle of water, dropped it in front of me, and after I took a sip she said, "Shall we begin?" I nodded and she brought out her pen and note pad ready to swing into action.

"So tell me if you were to describe your childhood in one word what would it be?" A lot of words flew past my head, chaotic, quiet, fun, unpredictable…, I could keep going on but I decided to settle for "Unpredictable," as the word slipped through my lips she smiled, scrambled something on her nothing, and moved onto the next question.

Before I knew it our an hour and thirty minutes session had elapsed, and stood up to leave. As I got to the door she added, "Don't forget to text or call me when you need some counseling," I smiled at her, twisted the door handle, and left the office. Well, here goes my confidence. Isn't therapy meant to make you feel better, I thought as I waited for the elevator.

Stepping out of the office building I called Lena to check up on her. She picked up on the second ring, "Hey girl," her voice was filled with excitement. "What is that noise? Where are you?" I asked her, "Oh, I'm at Richard Avenue, I'm headed to the one cafe. I desperately need to take their coffee and then those velvet cakes are calling my name," she replied. "See you there then, I'm headed there too," I said in between laughs.

I got there before her, and I chose a table by the window waiting for her to come back so we could order. One cafe has to be my favorite cafe, it is so quiet, and beautiful and the smell of coffee mixed with baked cakes and donuts brings me comfort somehow.

A couple of minutes later Lena walked her in black jeans and a blue tank top, her hair was pulled into a pony, and her smile widened as she spotted me by the corner. I stood up to hug her, "You look gorgeous," I said with a smile, and she replied, "You too!"

She was complaining that her cat, light, was in her destroying phase, and she was losing her patience when the waiter interrupted to take our orders. "I will have an iced coffee and a velvet cake slice," Lena told the waiter and her gaze moved to me. "I will have one strawberry donut, one chocolate cake slice, and yogurt. Thank you." The waiter, Violet according to her tag wrote down our order, smiled at us, and left.

"What time is your session with Dr Johnson?" I asked Lena. "It is by 3 pm" she replied absentmindedly, "Okay, this is 12:50 pm there is still time," I told her but she wasn't paying attention then I followed her gaze to see what had been taking her attention from me. I saw her looking at a tall, dark-skinned guy who looks like he spends all his time at the gym. I kicked her underneath the table and she let out a little scream, "But Pe, he is so gorgeous," she said admiringly. "I know, now focus," I told her, "You are so boring," she said as she turned back to me.

Violet brought our orders, "Here you go," she said with a smile. I muttered "Thank you," and took a bite of the donut. I didn't realize I was hungry till Violet brought in the food, "This is so good," I said in between bites and Lena smiled.

For the rest of the meal, we ate in silence. I looked outside the window watching everything and nothing all at the same time as I ate some of the chocolate cake. I let my mind wander as I watch people go about their daily activities, the world is so beautiful but at the same time chaotic, maybe beautiful things are meant to be chaotic. Chaos defines beauty. I'm not chaotic, I'm beautiful, I thought as I chuckled. "What are you laughing about?" Lena thoughts? Lena asked me looking at me like I'm crazy, "Nothing, I just thought of something," I said, this time around laughing.

"It is already 2:40, you better get ready for your meeting with Dr. Johnson. She appreciates punctuality," I told Lena as I called Violet for the bill. She came over with the bill, I paid and tipped her and we both left the cafe.

"Let me drop you off, and why didn't you come with your car?" I asked Lena as we walked down to where my car was parked, "I was too exhausted to drive so I took a cab," she replied. "Understandable," I said as we got into my car and drove off.

Gosh, I haven't been this exhausted in a long time, I hope there is good food at home. I just can't wait till I'm in a bath, with scented candles, a glass of wine, and a nice dinner after. I was thinking to myself as I waited for the traffic to be cleared, I wonder what would have caused this traffic it is so unlike it, I thought as I turned up the song on my radio. After a few hours, the traffic was cleared. I got home by 6:30 thanks to the two trailer vehicles that collided with each other, the impact causing them to fall and crush some little vehicles beside them. I hope there weren't too many casualties

As I got home, I headed straight to my room only nodding to Mary's greeting. As I got to my room, I locked the door, slid out of my black dress, turned on the music, lit up some scented candles, and prepared my bath. I lay inside the bath reading a book till all my nerves were calm and relaxed. I dressed up and went down to have dinner.

I ate dinner in silence, Mary didn't try to start up any conversations she must have guessed that I was tired. I smiled as I remembered that I wouldn't be having any session with Dr Johnson tomorrow and suddenly with that piece of information my food tasted better.

* * *

It has been three months since I started seeing Dr Johnson and I won't say that things are better now but I can say that I have made a significant step from where I was the first day I walked into her office.

I am more conscious of the way I act and respond to situations now but one thing I still find difficult to stop and have no idea how to stop is drinking.

In the last session I had with Dr Johnson she said, "Take it easy on yourself you don't expect a habit of 7 years to be gone in three months." I know she made a good point there but that didn't stop me from scoffing. "My son will be home in a few months and I don't want him to see me still struggling with this," I told her but she just smiled and said, "Have you ever considered joining an addiction recovery group?" "No, and I won't be joining I said as I left her office.

Today as I was about to leave her office she called me back, and I turned to face her my hand still at the door knob. "I'm so proud of you. You have come a long from being a scared daughter and wife you are now a woman of your own," she paused and then continued, "To understand the present and design the future you want you have to study the past." When I gave her a puzzled look she said, "You always ask me why I care so much about your childhood, here is your answer." I took one more look at her, said my goodbye, and left for home.

As I got home I saw Lena watching a reality show downstairs. "You didn't tell me you were coming," I said. "I wanted it to be a surprise. I brought pie, I owe you the last time you came over to my house," she told me as she pointed at the pie she set at the kitchen counter. "Oh, I remember. I beat the queen of cards in her game," I said laughing. "I allowed you to win," she said. I didn't respond to that, I continued laughing till my stomach started hurting me. "If you keep laughing like that I'm going to put this pie into the trash," Lena said looking at me. "Don't be dramatic," I said as I went over the kitchen counter to take a bite.

Halfway through my pie Mary came from work, "How was work?" I asked with a stuffed mouth. "It was fine," she answered showing me some nail designs they worked on today. "I was so tired that I left the work in the hands of my assistant, Beatrice." "You are tired like you did anything," I said with a laugh. She laughed too heading to her room to freshen up.

As Mary left, Le continued telling me about Light and her light shenanigans. Before we knew it was already dark and it was time for Le to leave. She stopped when she got to the door and said "Please, you are following me to an addiction recovery group on Tuesday, thanks." Before I could say anything she bolted out the door and ran to her car. I stood for a second looking at her stunned then a smile slowly appeared on my lips.

Since this is the second person telling me about this little group maybe I should try it out. There might be something there for me. I thought as I went back into my house.