Chapter Four: Running from the Truth

Therapy don't fix shit.

But I still go.

Not 'cause I believe in it. Not 'cause I think it'll change anything. But because my mom would rather pay someone to figure me out than actually listen.

Dr. Reynolds sits across from me, legs crossed, notebook in her lap. "So, how's the new school?"

I shrug. "Same as the last one. Just with different faces."

"Made any friends?"

I snort. "You tryna be funny?"

She doesn't react. Just tilts her head. "And what about trouble?"

I smirk. "Now that? I always find."

She sighs, writing something down. Probably some bullshit about 'self-sabotage' or whatever. I don't care.

"You've been in fights already, haven't you?"

I lean back, stretching my arms. "You say that like you surprised."

She looks at me for a long moment, like she's waiting for me to slip. "You know, Jordan, you act like none of this affects you."

I fake a yawn. "Damn, I forgot my violin."

She sets the notebook down. "Why do you push people away?"

I smirk. "I let people in all the time, Doc. Just not the way you mean."

She gives me a look. "Sex isn't intimacy, Jordan."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, you tryna psychoanalyze me or slut-shame me?"

She doesn't react. "What happened to you that made you believe love isn't real?"

My stomach twists, but I don't flinch.

I just smirk. "I'on believe in fairy tales."

She sighs. "And Jasmine?"

My face stays blank. "What about her?"

"You loved her."

I laugh. "Damn, doc, you think you know me, huh?"

She leans forward slightly. "She left you for a boy, didn't she?"

I go quiet.

Dr. Reynolds doesn't push, but I can feel her watching me. Studying.

Waiting.

I lick my lips, then force a grin. "Man, I gotta start charging for these therapy sessions. You gettin' too deep."

She shakes her head, but she don't press. Just sits back, like she knew I wasn't gonna crack.

I hate that.

---

Matthew Knows What's Up

"She actin' real weird," Matthew mutters, eyes flicking toward Maiesha.

I smirk, leaning against the lockers. "Weird how?"

He side-eyes me. "Don't play dumb. You see it."

He right. I do see it.

The way she watches me when she think nobody looking. The way she gotta act extra cold around me just to make up for it.

She slipping.

"Maybe she just mad 'cause I fucked up her man's face," I say, smirking.

Matthew gives me a look. "Nah. This different."

I tilt my head, playing innocent. "You jealous?"

He groans. "Nigga, be serious."

I laugh.

But real talk? I been peeped.

And now? I'ma see how far she willing to go.

---

Josie: The Exception I Don't Want

"You ever get tired of pretending?"

I glance up. Josie standing there, arms folded, watching me like she already know the answer.

I smirk. "I'on pretend."

She raises a brow. "Right."

I lean against the wall, crossing my arms. "Why you always tryna read me?"

"Because you make it too easy," she says, tilting her head.

I scoff. "You think you got me figured out, huh?"

She nods, dead serious. "Yeah. I do."

That makes my chest feel tight for some reason.

So I do what I always do. I push back.

I smirk, stepping closer. "That so?"

She don't flinch. Just looks me dead in my eyes. "Yeah. And you hate that."

My jaw tightens slightly, but I keep my face neutral. "You talk too much."

She grins. "You think too much."

I step back, shoving my hands in my pockets. "Whatever you say, Doc."

I walk away before she can say something else.

Before she can look at me like that again.

---

Maiesha Wants to Play? Let's Play.

I don't chase.

I let people come to me.

And Maiesha? She coming.

I see it in the way she lingers when we cross paths. The way she gotta remind herself to be mean.

She's testing the waters.

So I let her.

Because at the end of the day?

I always win

-----

Chapter Four (Part 2):The Game Ain't Fair

Maiesha ain't slick.

She's been hovering, testing the line between hate and something else. Trying to act like she still got loyalty to Kaleb, but her eyes tell a different story.

And I? I'm just watching, waiting.

Because I know how this game go.

---

Matthew Calls It Again

"You schemin'," Matthew mutters, shaking his head.

I smirk, exhaling smoke. "And?"

He sighs. "Bruh, this girl is still dating Kaleb. You tryna be a homewrecker now?"

I laugh. "Man, that 'home' already wrecked. She just ain't left yet."

He groans. "Jordan, you can't just—"

"I can't what?" I cut in, raising a brow. "Have fun?"

He looks at me like he wanna shake me. "That's not fun. That's messy."

I flick my lighter. "Same thing."

"Jordan."

I exhale, giving him a lazy grin. "Relax, man. I ain't gonna do nothin'. She gotta come to me."

He rubs his temples. "That's what I'm worried about."

---

Maiesha Steps Up

It happens after school.

I'm outside, leaning against my car, scrolling through my phone when I hear footsteps.

Maiesha.

I don't look up. Just smirk. "Took you long enough."

She crosses her arms. "Took me long enough for what?"

I glance at her, slow, eyes dragging up and down like I'm deciding if she worth my time. "To stop frontin'."

Her jaw clenches. "Nigga, you really think—"

"Yeah," I cut in smoothly, smirking. "I do."

She sucks her teeth, looking around like she wanna be anywhere but here. Like she ain't just come to me.

I push off the car, stepping closer. "Look, I get it. You gotta act like you hate me 'cause of Kaleb. But let's be real—"

"Ain't nothin' real about this," she snaps, stepping back.

I tilt my head. "Then why you here?"

She stares at me, breathing a little too hard, like she wanna swing on me or kiss me.

I smirk. "That's what I thought."

Her nostrils flare. "Fuck you, Jordan."

I chuckle, leaning in slightly. "You want to."

Her lips part like she got something to say. But she don't.

Because we both know I'm right.

She turns on her heel and storms off.

And I?

I just watch her go.

Because I already won.

---

Josie Sees Through Me

"You playing a dangerous game."

I look up. Josie's standing there, arms folded, watching me like she already know what I been up to.

I smirk. "What game?"

She raises a brow. "Maiesha."

I chuckle. "Damn, everybody on my case today."

She doesn't smile. Doesn't move. Just keeps looking at me like she see something past all my bullshit.

It makes my stomach twist.

I lean against my car, lighting a cig. "Why you care?"

She tilts her head. "I don't."

I exhale smoke, watching her. "Then why you over here?"

She rolls her eyes. "Because you're stupid."

I laugh. "You mad 'cause I'm stupid, or you mad 'cause it ain't you?"

Her jaw tightens slightly, but she don't react.

And that? That pisses me off.

I step closer, dropping my voice. "C'mon, Josie. Be real. You jealous?"

She stares at me for a long second, then smirks. "Of Maiesha?" She scoffs. "Nigga, please."

I grin. "So you admit you could be jealous."

She shakes her head. "You really think everybody want you, huh?"

I shrug. "History proves it."

She exhales, looking me up and down like she trying to figure me out.

I hate that.

I smirk, leaning in. "If you want me, Josie, just say that."

She tilts her head, unbothered. "If you want me, Jordan, just admit it."

My face stays blank.

She grins, stepping back. "Yeah. Thought so."

Then she walks off, leaving me standing there, stomach tight, mind racing.

Because the worst part?

She's right.

---

The Cycle Never Ends

I don't think.

I don't feel.

I just do.

That's why I got a girl in my backseat by the end of the night.

A girl that ain't Josie. A girl that don't matter.

Because that's how I keep myself from slipping.

That's how I stay numb.

Even if it never really works.

------

Chapter Four: The Game Ain't Fair (Part 3)

The thing about people like me?

We don't break. We don't bend.

We burn.

And right now, I'm just letting the fire spread.

---

Matthew Ain't Letting It Slide

The next morning, Matthew pulls up on me before school even start.

"Bruh," he sighs, rubbing his face like he already tired of my bullshit.

I just grin, taking a drag of my cig. "Mornin' to you too."

He looks at me, dead serious. "Jordan. What the fuck are you doing?"

I exhale smoke, tilting my head. "You gotta be more specific, Matt. I do a lotta shit."

"You know what I mean," he says, voice low. "Maiesha."

I smirk. "She came to me."

He groans. "That don't make it right!"

I shrug. "I ain't force her."

He looks at me, frustrated. "Damn, Jordan."

I roll my eyes. "Nigga, why you mad? You her man or somethin'?"

His jaw clenches. "Nah. You just out here playing games with everybody."

I look at him, waiting for the part where I'm supposed to care.

When he realizes I don't, he shakes his head. "One day, all this shit you do gon' catch up to you."

I blow out smoke. "I'll deal with it when it does."

---

Therapy Ain't for Niggas Like Me

I shoulda known my mom wasn't gon' let that first-day fight slide.

Now I'm sitting in this boring ass office, staring at some therapist lady like I got shit to say.

She smiles at me, all warm and patient. "Jordan," she starts, voice soft. "Do you know why you're here?"

I lean back in the chair, arms crossed. "'Cause my mom thinks I'm crazy."

Her smile don't drop. "Do you think you're crazy?"

I stare at her. "Therapy is for white people."

She blinks, caught off guard. "That's not true."

I tilt my head. "How many Black kids you see comin' in here by choice?"

She presses her lips together, like she know I got a point. "Therapy is for everyone."

I scoff. "Sure."

She sits forward. "Jordan, I'm not here to judge you. I just want to understand you."

I give her a dead look. "What makes you think I wanna be understood?"

She pauses. "Because I don't think you'd be so angry if you didn't."

Something sharp twists in my chest.

I shove it down.

I lean back, smirking. "You gon' diagnose me or what?"

She sighs. "That's not how this works."

I check the clock. "Well, time's almost up, doc."

She watches me for a long moment. Then she says, "Does your mother know?"

My smirk drops.

I sit up. "Know what?"

"That you drink. That you smoke. That you hurt yourself."

My stomach tightens.

I glance at the clock again. "Time's up."

She exhales. "Jordan—"

I stand. "See you next week, doc."

Then I walk out, leaving whatever she was about to say behind me.

Because fuck that.

---

The Problem With Josie

Josie's waiting for me by my car after school.

She's leaning against it, arms crossed, eyes unreadable.

I smirk. "Damn. I got a fan club now?"

She doesn't smile. "Did you fuck somebody last night?"

My smirk falters for half a second.

Then I chuckle. "Why you askin'?"

She tilts her head. "'Cause I saw you leave with that girl."

I shrug. "So?"

She studies me, eyes sharp. "You really that scared of your own feelings?"

I blink. "Excuse me?"

She steps closer, voice low. "You know you like me, Jordan. So why you out here running?"

I chuckle, but it's forced now. "Running?"

She doesn't blink. "Yeah. Running."

I shake my head. "Josie—"

"*Nah.**" She cuts me off, stepping even closer. "You fuck girls so you don't have to feel shit. So you don't gotta think. But when it comes to me?" She scoffs. "You scared."

I stare at her.

My stomach tightens.

She smirks. "Thought so."

Then she walks off.

And I?

I just stand there, feeling way too much.

---

The Problem With Me

That night, I got another girl in my bed.

She don't matter.

She never does.

Because when she leaves, I'm still me.

Still empty.

Still angry.

Still burning.

---