We Are Not Fucking Dating Renji

Kikidori and Ere'ana strolled lazily down the hallway, taking their sweet time getting to second period. They had long since mastered the art of walking the exact speed necessary to not be *technically* late while also not giving a single damn about getting there early.

"So, are you actually gonna study for that test, or are we just winging it like usual?" Kikidori asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Ere'ana scoffed. "Wing it, obviously. You think I'm about to waste my precious free time *studying*? Gross."

Kikidori nodded solemnly. "Good. I was worried for a second that you might be growing up or some shit."

"Disgusting. Never speak such blasphemy again."

They were mid-conversation when Renji, one of their classmates, suddenly appeared out of nowhere like a nosy little goblin.

"Yo, Kikidori! Ere'ana!" Renji called, jogging up to them.

Kikidori and Ere'ana exchanged a look, already sensing some bullshit incoming.

"What's up, Renji?" Kikidori asked, bracing himself.

Renji stopped in front of them, hands on his knees, catching his breath like he had just run a marathon. "Okay, okay, serious question."

Ere'ana sighed dramatically. "Oh god, here we go."

Renji straightened up and pointed between them. "Are you two dating?"

Silence.

Kikidori and Ere'ana just stared at him.

Then, as if synchronized by years of friendship, they both yelled in unison:

"WE ARE NOT FUCKING DATING, RENJI!"

Renji held up his hands defensively. "Damn, alright, no need to yell."

Kikidori dragged a hand down his face. "We have told you this *so many times.*"

Ere'ana threw her arms up. "We have told you this *one hundred trillion fucking times!*"

"Actually," Kikidori corrected, "I think at this point we're in the quintillion range."

Ere'ana snapped her fingers. "Good point. Renji, we have told you *one hundred quintillion fucking times* that we are not dating."

Renji crossed his arms. "But, like, you two are always together, you live together, you sit together, you hug *all the time*—"

"SO?" Kikidori interrupted. "What part of that means we're dating?"

Renji threw his hands in the air. "People just don't act like that if they're not together!"

Ere'ana squinted at him. "Says who?"

"Uh, *society?*" Renji replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Ere'ana snorted. "Oh, yeah, because we totally give a shit about *society.*"

Renji groaned. "Look, I'm just saying, if you two ever *do* get together, I *better* be the first person you tell."

Kikidori looked him dead in the eyes. "If that ever happens, I will personally let you slap me in the face for being a liar."

Renji's eyes narrowed. "You swear?"

Kikidori raised a hand. "On everything."

Renji exhaled. "Fine. I *guess* I believe you."

"Wow, how generous," Ere'ana said dryly.

Renji pointed at them one last time. "But if I ever catch you two making out, I'm never letting this go."

"Renji," Kikidori said, voice flat. "If we ever make out, you have permission to drop kick me into the next dimension."

Ere'ana nodded solemnly. "Same."

Renji squinted at them both, like he was still unsure. But eventually, he let out a deep sigh and turned away. "Alright, alright. I'll back off… for now."

They watched him walk off before Ere'ana turned to Kikidori.

"Ten bucks says he asks again next week."

Kikidori didn't even hesitate. "Oh, absolutely."

And with that, they kept walking to class like nothing had happened—because, honestly, this was just their normal.