Things between mom and me were fine, as they were supposed to be. She took good care of me, proud of the way I shut those jerks cake holes. But she never let me do one thing. Watch, listen, see or do Heathens stuff. It angered me a lot, yeah, but she was my mother above everything.
She was taking so much care of me in her ill state, I was more then just thankful. She took her meds more frequently than ever, but she wouldn't tell me what they were for. She would say I will worry myself. Indeed I will.
What else was I supposed to do then? If not me, then who else?
"Have one more dear. Why haven't ypu not been eating lately?" Asked mom, forcing a pancake on my plate as the the four of us sat on the dining table, having breakfast.
Sera and Chris stared at me in jealousy. Very good.
"Mom, I already had four, thanks to you. But I'm really, REALLY getting late now. I will see you after school. Goodbye mom!" I said, getting up from my seat, dusting my school uniform for any imaginary dust.
"Goodbye honey!' She replied. I smiled and picked up my bag from the ground and walked to the door. When I'm out, the last thing I see before shutting the door is mom, as the smile she had all this time disappeared.
At school, something very unexpected happened. There was a news, and it was shocking.
"Wow! Gus, check this out!"
Said a girl of year 10, who was not actually a friend, but just an Devil friend. All the fan's rushed over to her as she held her phone up for us to see. There was a news, and the news was UNBELIEVABLE!
Heathens, our soul, heart, strength, and anything sweet you can name, were coming to Minnesota! For the first time ever!
We couldn't believe our luck! That was just so much impossible! They just can't say out of the blue that they were coming. They needed to scedule it, and right now, their scedule was full. This was so unbelievable!!
At once, we all fished our phone's to check if it was true. It was indeed! We all let out squeals of happiness. The other students stared at us weirdly. But we didn't care. They had no idea how big of a news it was to us fan's. There was an article that said:
"'We have been planning this visit for a while now.' Said Setevn, member of Heathens. 'It's our leader Noah's birth place, and we feel its just right that we visit. And also, a lot of fans have been waiting for us patiently. Those that are unable to attend our tours in nearby New York. So we decided to scedule a concert in Minnesota. Devil's, we are coming.' The sudden declaration brought eruptions from all the fans at Minnesota. Its a great honour for them. Stay tuned for more surprising news."
Without another word, we all decided to go. Ofcourse we would! Opportunities like this didn't come always for fan's like us. Whatever chances we got, we had to make up for it, no matter the cost.
If I asked mom, she would likely give me. We were in rather good terms now. If I told her how important it was to me, she would let me. She would understand.
None of us could wait for the ending hour. When the final bell finally tolled, we all rushed out like hungry bulls. This was our last chance, and we had to get it. There was no saying when would be the next time we got it.
At home, mom served us lunch. Chris stuffed his mouth. Sera scrolled through her phone. And I fidgeted with my cuffs, unsure of how to start the ball rolling.
"So mo-" Before I could even say a word, Sera cut me off. "So mom, I was thinking, how about I call my friends over at our place. We could play games, watch movies, have fun. Won't that be nice?"
Mom just stared at her face. Chris stopped eating. I stopped fidgeting.
"For what, Sera?' Asked mom. Sera's smile disappeared. "You know, just to have fu-"
But mom cut her off. "Have fun? You think I can afford your fun?" Sera tried to protest. "No mom. That's not what I ment. I just thought we could have some f-"
"YOU THINK I CAN AFFORD YOU FUN??" Thundered mom. Sera shut up, but not before muttering something like, "You can very well afford you fun though."
It seemed like mom heared it too. She sighed and said softly. "Sera. You know that's not what I meant. What I meant was, if you want to have fun, why don't you go over at your friends place? Hmm? Mommy isn't feeling very well today. And you know, it will be a shame for you if they see your mother like this."
Chris nodded. Having no other option, I do too. The topic of the concert is pushed far behind in the back of my head.
5:30. The concert had already started.
When can I go?
My phone rang. It was Rea. "Dude! Where the hell are you? The shows already on!"
"I know man. I know. I just... have to ask mom yet." I say, rubbing my temple. "WHAT! YOU HAVEN'T ASKED YOUR MOM YET? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING ALL THIS TIME?"
I tried to calm her down. "I know, I know. It's just... it's just a long story I'll tell you guys later." And with that, I hung up.
6:00. Why was time running out so fast? I couldn't waste anymore time. Got to act.
Without another word, I stormed downstairs. Sera and Chris were busy playing video games. Mom sat on the couch. When the two saw me, their eyes turn big and stayed in me.
Of course they would stare. I was dressed in Heathens outfit from head to toe.
"What's up with the clown costume?" Questioned Sera. I ignored her and turned straight to mom. "Mom, there's something I need to ask you."
Mom smiled and motioned for me to continue. I took a deep breath and begin. "There's a Heathens tour going on. right in here mom, in Minnesota. And I want to go. Look, there's no knowing when will be the next time they come here. I just need to see them, just once. If you call, I'll come home. I just want to see a single glimpse of them. Please mom. Please.' I begged.
Mom looked at me for a long time. Then she bowed her head, and looked up again.
She will say yes. She sure will. I begged like hell. She sure as hell will. She has to.
The look she gave me made me hopeful. I almost took my bag and ran to the door and screamed 'I love you', when she opened her mouth to answer me.
"Cilia, you know I can't let you do that right?" I was comletely taken aback. "You know I can't let you waste money on those rubbish right? What's the use of all these? Did they say they love you? Do they even understand the life we people live? Of course not! They are just crazy rich men who just want the money, Cilia. They don't love you. It's all for fame. All this fake love is just for fame."
Anger bubbled inside me. Anger I had been holding in for way too long.
How dare she say such nonsence? Who the hell does she think she is?
"Why? Why won't you let me go? You let Cilia go to her friend's home, but why not me? Why can't I do what I want?" I asked in distaste. Mom rolled her eyes. She really rolled her eyes at me.
"Because-" But I cut her off. She had said enough. "BECAUSE WHAT MOM? WHAT? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TREAT ME LIKE THIS MOM? WHY? WHY CAN'T YOU FOR ONCE TREAT ME THE WAY YOU TREAT SERA AND CHRIS? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO YOU!?" I screamed in hatred. How long could I literally keep it in? Anger flashed in mom's eyes. She was about to speak up, but I cut her off again.
Not today ma'am.
"WHY? WHY DO YOU HATE HEATHENS SO MUCH? WHAT HAVE THEY EVER DONE TO YOU? AND WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE IF THEY LOVE ME OR NOT? YOU NEVER LOVED ME, WHAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE? HEATHENS LOVE ME MORE THAN YOU EVER DID. DID YOU KNOW THAT?"
My last words were like bullet to her chest. Call me immature and say I said crazy things, but hey, I was a sixteen year old teen. I was at my growing age and my mom felt like it was very necessary to get on my nerves.
How can a person- no, a mother be this cruel?
Her face softened as she realized what she had done. Or did she? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Mom sighed and started talking. This time I let her.
"Cilia. How could you talk to your mother like this?"
Seriously? Of all things she's worried about that? When she wastes 24 hours a day doing the same? Talking shit about people?
My reply was as harsh as before. "You do the same too mom. Looks like I'm inheriting them from you."
Mom was taken aback. Sera and Chris stared at me indisbelieve.
"How could you, Cilia? How can you talk to me like this? After all the love I gave you? Is this the way you repay my love?" She asked, trying to pull out fake tears. I almost rolled my eyes.
You don't pull out your tears mom. They flow out themselves if you really are sad. There's no point crying if you don't feel the pain. I have been in that shoe many times mom. I know how it feels. Unlike you mom. You.
My phone buzzed and there was a message from Sindy.
"Dude, were are you? Shows almost over. Were the hell are you?"
I stuffed the phone in my pocket and turned to mom. "I loved you too mom, So much. You meaned the world to me. But you don't love me that way. Had you so, you would know what's important to me. And that's Heathens. But you don't. Which means you didn't love me. I can't stop loving you, because sadly, you are my mom. But I can do one thing. I can do whatever I want. I won't listen to you anymore."
And with that, I picked up my bag and broke into a run. I heard mom calling after me, then sending Chris after me and I increased my speed. I kept running until I finally reached the main road. I texted Sindy telling her I'm coming and broke into a run again.
The roads were busy because of the concert. Cars and buses move around in high speed every were. I dodged them one after another. One car almost hit me when I moved quickly to the foopath. Without checking, I ran again. And that is the biggest mistake I ever did.
The horn came loud and clear, as if it was just right beside me. There was a flash of light, and the next thing I know, I'm souring in the sky.
There was a crunching sound, and I realized I have broken my bones. I could barely feel any pain as I fly through the streets.
Time slowed down. Everything played before my eyes. My family. Mom. Sera. Chris Dad. My friends. Rea. Sindy. Meera. Yovonne
My happiness.
Heathens.
Tears stung my eyes but they don't drop. Before they even do so, I hit the ground in flash speed.
A lot of crunching sounds are heard. My skull cracked. The pain was toxicating. Every single part of my body hurt so much that I barely felt the pain.
Warmness spread all over me. Warmness of a liquid. My mouth tasted of the same warm iron liquid.
The blood filled in so much in my mouth that it started gushing out. My eyes felt drowsy and sticky from the blood. I could barely see what was going on around me. How could I? Numbness started taking over my body.
That was it. I was going to die.
I already was.
I closed my eyes shut, or did the numbness shut my eyes or what?
Slowly, the pain started to ease.
Thats it. Close your eyes. And everythings going to be alright.
I did as my mind told me to do. The pain eased even more.
This. Was. It.