Chapter 46 : Chapter 46

If she said she wasn't jealous, it would be a lie.

She doesn't know the sexual orientation of the other two who hang out with Sara, but Shin So-hee had a relatively clear understanding of her own.

So, she had been struggling with it for a while, but recently, she had found an answer to her worries.

Rather than having sexual thoughts about every kid around her, she concluded it was better to have those thoughts about just one person.

…Yeah, she know it's a stupid conclusion.

But she couldn't find any other solution. And besides, it was actually quite effective.

For example, when Shin So-hee had to change clothes during gym class.

As someone who looked at girls sexually, she would unintentionally glance at her classmates.

There were quite a few pretty girls in her class.

Naturally, some had more noticeable figures compared to others.

It would have been odd if her eyes didn't wander.

When other girls passed by in the hallway, she would unconsciously glance at their legs under their skirts.

Sometimes, she would sneak a peek at a pretty girl's face, or her mind would wander to inappropriate thoughts when a classmate casually linked arms with her.

If Shin So-hee were a guy, none of this would have happened.

She wouldn't have had close female friends in the first place, and even if she did, they wouldn't link arms or change clothes in the same room.

If boys her age heard this, they might have been jealous.

But from her perspective, it was an incredibly uncomfortable situation.

The problem wasn't just getting sexually excited.

The issue was the guilt that came with having those feelings toward someone.

It was embarrassing to look at someone you viewed sexually.

It became difficult to make eye contact, and even the casual physical contact she used to have with friends became awkward.

As time went on, it became harder for Shin So-hee to hide her sexual orientation.

But then, she met Sara.

Sara was so beautiful that it was hard to compare her to anyone else.

Although she was a bit too skinny, her figure was still elegant.

Combined with her luxurious school uniform… well, does she even need to explain further?

Moreover, their first meeting had been shockingly different from the usual casual physical contact between friends.

Because of that, from Shin So-hee's perspective, Sara was a perfect stand-in for her fantasies.

And since they only saw each other after school, there was no reason to feel uncomfortable about imagining things.

Lately, whenever strange thoughts about her school friends surfaced, she would quickly replace them with thoughts of Sara.

It was still awkward to have lewd thoughts, but at least she could escape the guilt of having those thoughts about her friends.

Of course, things would be different if Sara were a friend outside of school… This might sound odd, and maybe it's just self-justification, but for some reason, Shin So-hee didn't feel guilty when she imagined things about Sara.

*

I don't know why, but I felt like Sara could date girls too.

After seeing today's article, I was even more convinced.

The fact that she did things that could be mistaken for dating, without any concern, meant she had no qualms about being seen that way, right?

Even now, seeing her surrounded by two pretty girls, it was obvious.

If you're that close with someone, there's bound to be some discomfort.

Sure, it could just be a joke, but if they stayed like that for so long, it was basically like advertising, "I'm into girls."

…So yeah, I was jealous.

If someone who could date other girls was constantly with other girls who also had that potential.

And if that someone was the person I looked at "sexually".

I didn't think it was exactly romantic feelings.

It was just that I had been having those kinds of fantasies.

But still, I couldn't help but feel incredibly unsettled and uncomfortable.

To be honest, it was more than just discomfort…

It was a weird, indescribable feeling.

*

"So."

After listening to the whole story, Shin So-hee let out a small sigh and spoke.

"You're saying you're being bullied at school?"

At the word "bully," Sara's eyes widened for a moment.

After hesitating briefly, she replied.

"Well, I guess."

"…"

Shin So-hee's mood sank even further.

In that sinking feeling was something dark and sticky.

She couldn't quite define it, having never felt such an emotion before.

For a while, she mulled over that feeling.

And gradually, she began to understand what it was.

Shin So-hee didn't consider herself an honest person.

She had always liked to put on a show and act tough since she was young.

She knew well that she had a few followers at school and was pretty popular among the boys.

But she wasn't the type to flaunt it all the time.

Even though she felt sexual attraction toward her friends, she pretended to be easygoing and sometimes subtly imitated boys to show off to her friends.

She tried hard to be called "cool" rather than "pretty".

But no matter what, it was impossible to deceive herself.

Even if she was unsure of her identity, she couldn't deny the clear feelings that surfaced.

It could be called a kind of possessiveness.

She was surprised to feel such emotions.

After all, hadn't it been less than a week since she met Sara?

Why?

Well, probably—

'Because Sara was beautiful, and her small frame made her seem easy to hug.

Because she looked good in anything, and so many different outfits came to mind.

Because her body was strangely soft despite being thin.

Because even though she looked cold, she was clumsy.

Because I couldn't forget the feel of her cheek against my chest earlier.

Because our first encounter was so intense—

No, let's just be honest.

It was simply because she was beautiful.'

The first time she saw her face, it was so pretty that it was unforgettable.

She was so much her type.

That's why So-hee kept having those thoughts.

She thought it would be nice if she could date a girl like her.

"So?"

Shin So-hee asked.

"What did you do at school?"

"At school?"

Sara blankly repeated, then slowly turned red.

Seeing that, Shin So-hee could guess what had happened.

"What, did you kiss in front of everyone?"

"No, not like that…"

It wasn't a kiss, but she did something embarrassing enough to make her face turn red.

And it wasn't just Sara; the two people beside her seemed just as flustered.

Yoo Ha-neul even deliberately avoided eye contact.

Shin So-hee narrowed her eyes.

'If it wasn't a kiss, what could they have done to be this embarrassed?

A hug?

Just linking arms wouldn't make them blush.

In the photo from the article earlier, Sara hadn't blushed even though Yoo Ha-neul was clinging to her.

Besides, these three had been linked together like this the entire time.

There was no reason to blush now.'

"So, you three have been linking arms since earlier, is that part of the 'plan' or something?"

"Oh, that—"

"This is just what close friends—"

Yoo Ha-neul and Sara spoke at the same time.

It seemed they were saying different things.

"Friends…?"

Shin So-hee asked Sara.

"So, close friends link arms…"

'Sure.

Close friends do link arms.

But linking arms and clinging to someone's arm are two very different things.

Sara didn't seem to understand the difference between those actions.

Well, I guess that's possible.

From what Sara had told me, she really had lived isolated from the world for a long time.

She might not know the appropriate distance between friends.

But—'

Shin So-hee looked again at the two people clinging to Sara's sides.

Both of them turned away awkwardly when their eyes met hers, as if they knew what she was thinking.

"Huh."

'How shady.

At least these two understood that distance.

But they were taking advantage of Sara's ignorance and the fact that she didn't know her own situation to act this way.

…So there were people just like me.

And there were two of them.'

Well, maybe some close friends really do get to a level that's hard to compare to a romantic relationship.

There were plenty of friends who stuck together all the time, even when teased about dating, only to deny it.

Whether this was really about romantic feelings or just possessiveness, Shin So-hee, who didn't attend their school, had no way of knowing.

But it was unpleasant.

She had been feeling that way for a while now.

She had always held back, but the two kids in front of her were blatantly displaying those feelings.

And they were doing it with someone who had become an object of Shin So-hee's desires.

"Is that so? Is that what you're saying?"

Shin So-hee picked up the fork that no one had touched and stabbed a piece of tiramisu on her plate.

As the small, pre-cut piece lifted, chocolate powder crumbled off.

She put it in her mouth.

The rich sweetness and bitterness of the chocolate, combined with the soft cake, melted together nicely.

Shin So-hee took the fork and grabbed another piece of tiramisu.

And then,

"I want to help with that plan too."

She said, holding the fork out toward Sara.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I want to join the plan, just like those two. Aren't you trying to break free from that cage around you?"

She held the fork closer to Sara.

A bit of chocolate powder fell from the tiramisu piece.

"Wouldn't it be easier if you had someone outside helping you break it down?"

In the end, with the tiramisu practically poking her lips, Ye Sara had no choice but to take it into her mouth.

After all, both of her hands were held by the two people beside her.

Only then did the two who had been watching in a daze finally snap out of it, letting out a small "Ah!" in surprise.

But it was already too late.

Shin So-hee had already brought the fork back and was taking the next bite herself.

"How was it?"

Now feeling a bit more satisfied, Shin So-hee leaned back in her chair and asked.

"Are you going to let me in, or not? If you're not going to include me, then I'll just head home."

She even added a subtle hint of a threat to her words.

As she said it, her heart pounded nervously, wondering what she would do if they actually told her to go home.

"Uh, um…"

Ye Sara, looking slightly flustered, shifted her gaze nervously.

When she stayed silent, her appearance gave off the impression of a cold beauty, but every time she acted this way, Shin So-hee couldn't help but think of a nervous puppy.

"…Okay."

In the end, Sara nodded her head in agreement.

If Shin So-hee had been talking to Sara over the phone in her room, she probably would have jumped for joy without realizing it.

Of course, she held back here.