The System’s Half-Assed Guide to the Apocalypse

Darkness.

A void so deep it felt like falling, except Elliot wasn't sure if he even had a body anymore. Just an endless abyss stretching beyond his senses.

Then, a long, drawn-out yawn filled the space.

[ "Mmm… This is annoying. I should be napping." ]

Elliot's eye twitched. "System?"

[ "Oh good, you're still here. Thought you got deleted already." ]

Elliot inhaled slowly. "I would love to beat your ass right now."

[ "Tch. Violent much? Fine, fine. Since I'm soooo generous, I'll explain things before you start malfunctioning from stupidity." ]

The system's voice stretched lazily, like it had just woken up from a hundred-year nap and was already looking forward to the next one.

Elliot crossed his arms—not that he had a body right now, but the attitude was there. "I'm waiting."

[ "Ugh, fine. Welcome to The End of the World—now with extra death, zombies, and government conspiracies. Humanity tried to be smart, and surprise surprise, it backfired spectacularly. Want a quick rundown?" ]

Elliot rolled his nonexistent eyes. "Enlighten me, oh wise and lazy one."

[ "Mmm. Alright, listen up, Porcelain Boy." ]

A bright screen materialized in the darkness, flickering like a glitchy tutorial menu.

WORLD STATUS: DERAILED APOCALYPSE

Apocalypse triggered by melting ice caps

Ancient virus thawed & spread globally

99.99% infection rate

Mutations led to humans, zombies, and zombie-mutants

Survivors rely on CRYSTALS to gain power & survive

The world is now a survival game. Good luck.

Elliot stared at the screen. "What kind of half-assed worldbuilding is this?"

[ "Hey, don't blame me. I just work here. Oh wait—I don't. I got forced into this too." ]

Elliot ignored the system's whining, focusing on the glowing text. "Crystals?"

The screen flickered again, switching to a new menu.

CRYSTALS: HUMANITY'S LAST HOPE (AND BIGGEST BLOODSPORT)

Crystals spawn inside mutants and zombie-mutants.

Absorbing them increases stamina, strength, and abilities.

More power = higher survival rate.

Higher-grade crystals grant terrifying abilities… but might kill you.

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Let me guess. People are killing each other over these."

[ "Ding ding ding~! We have a winner. The apocalypse turned into a free-for-all slaughterhouse. Not just zombies—humans are just as bad." ]

A headache brewed in Elliot's skull. "Fantastic. Any other terrible news you want to drop on me?"

The system hummed lazily.

[ "Oh, right. There's a Big Bad after you." ]

Elliot stiffened. "...What?"

[ "Yep. Remember how I said you're not supposed to exist? Turns out, someone's reaaaal unhappy about that. Congrats, Porcelain Boy, you've got a hit list with your name on it!" ]

Elliot's stomach dropped. "And you're just now telling me this?!"

[ "Hey, I was busy. Sleeping is important." ]

Elliot wanted to strangle something. Preferably the system.

Before he could yell, the void around him shifted. A dull, crushing pressure pressed down on his mind, like reality itself was bending.

[ "Ah.. Welp. Here we go." ]

Elliot's instincts screamed at him. "Wait—wait, what's happening?"

[ "Oh, nothing big. Just your body being forcefully rewritten. Have fun~" ]

Light erupted, and the world tore apart.

---

[ NEW TIMELINE INITIALIZED. ]

[ IDENTITY: PORCELAIN COMMANDER ]

[ STATUS: WEAK, CONTROLLED, UNRESPECTED ]

[ GOOD LUCK. YOU'LL NEED IT. ]

---

Pain.

It hit him like a truck.

Elliot gasped, his body jerking as he was slammed into existence. The air was thick, heavy with the scent of metal and smoke. His limbs felt sluggish, as if he hadn't moved in years.

Then, voices.

"Commander!"

Elliot's eyes shot open.

A group of men in uniform surrounded him, all wearing stiff, controlled expressions. Their clothes were pristine—far too clean for a battlefield—but their eyes told another story.

They weren't relieved.

They were waiting.

For what?

Elliot tried to push himself up, only to feel the weight of armor on his shoulders. His breath hitched.

No.

No no no—

His fingers curled against the cold metal plating.

His reflection stared back at him from the polished surface.

White uniform. Silver embroidery.

A uniform that wasn't earned, but given.

A position that was meant to control, not empower.

He wasn't a leader.

He was a figurehead.

A Porcelain Commander.

Trapped.

Elliot swallowed hard. The weight of the world—and the schemes behind it—had just fallen on his shoulders.

The sloth system gave a lazy chuckle.

[ "Oops. Forgot to mention. You're kinda screwed. Have fun~" ]

Elliot inhaled sharply.

"…You're already getting on my nerves."