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Previously on The Story of E:
Our totally competent protagonist erased his own existence.
He got stuck in a loading screen because even reality needs a reboot.
He met Greg the Multiversal Lizard Clerk and signed a very questionable contract.
Now, he's in a post-apocalyptic wasteland facing a cosmic horror that looks like someone let a Lovecraftian nightmare play Twister with itself.
Now, back to the action.
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1. The First Rule of Cosmic Horror Fights
"So," E muttered as the tentacle monstrosity roared loud enough to shake the very fabric of reality. "What's the game plan?"
Silence.
More silence.
Then, the sky helpfully supplied a floating [TUTORIAL BOX].
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[How to Fight an Eldritch Horror!]
Step 1: Don't.
Step 2: If Step 1 is not an option, run.
Step 3: If running is also not an option… Well, it was nice knowing you.
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E blinked.
"You know what? Fair."
The monstrosity lunged.
And E did what any self-respecting, logical, incredibly powerful soon-to-be Singularity would do in this situation.
He turned around and ran for his life.
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2. The Art of Tactical Retreat
"Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope."
E zigzagged through the ruins, dodging crumbling buildings and eldritch energy blasts that absolutely did not come with a warning label.
Behind him, the monstrosity screeched in frustration.
Or maybe it was laughing. Hard to tell when the thing had fifty mouths.
Either way, E did not stick around to find out.
[New Objective: Survive for Five Minutes.]
E stared at the floating objective.
"Who decided this was a five-minute fight?!"
Another explosion rocked the ruins, and E barely dodged a flying car that had definitely seen better days.
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3. The Unexpected Heroic Intervention
Just when it seemed like E was about to be turned into existential roadkill, something slammed into the eldritch horror with enough force to send it flying.
E skidded to a stop, staring at the new arrival.
It was a heavily armored warrior, standing atop a crumbling skyscraper, their cape dramatically billowing in the apocalyptic wind.
The warrior turned to E, their eyes burning with righteous fury.
"You! You must be the Chosen One!"
E stared.
"Nope."
"You must fulfill the prophecy!"
"Wrong guy."
"Then you must be the one who signed the contract with Greg."
Silence.
E sighed. Deeply.
"Okay, that one's true."
The warrior nodded solemnly. "Then you are doomed."
E sighed even deeper.
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4. The Totally Not Suspicious Prophecy
"Okay, listen," E started, rubbing his temples. "I just got here. I didn't even get the user manual. Can you explain what's happening in a way that doesn't involve vague destiny nonsense?"
The warrior hesitated.
Then, they pulled out a scroll.
A very long scroll.
E groaned.
"Oh no, you're actually doing the prophecy thing."
The warrior cleared their throat.
"Ahem. 'In the Final Era, when the Boundless Void shatters and the Old Gods awaken, a traveler from beyond the veil shall arrive. He shall be known as—'"
They paused.
Then squinted at the scroll.
Then looked at E.
"—uh, 'The Cold One'?"
Silence.
E stared.
"Excuse me?"
"That's what it says." The warrior turned the scroll around.
And there it was.
Big, bold, dramatic letters:
"THE COLD ONE SHALL RISE."
Below it, in smaller print:
"Also known as: The One Who Sighs Too Much."
E massaged his temples.
"I want a refund on my fate."
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5. The Worst Power-Up Sequence Ever
Before E could further protest his unwanted prophecy status, the eldritch horror recovered and roared with even more tentacle-based rage.
The warrior tossed E a glowing artifact.
"Here! Take this! It will awaken your true power!"
E caught it.
It was a… rock.
He turned it over.
"This is literally just a rock."
The warrior nodded seriously. "Yes, but it's a magic rock."
E threw the rock at the monster.
It bounced off harmlessly.
Nothing happened.
The warrior gasped.
"You—You just used the Sacred Relic of Infinite Power as a THROWING WEAPON?!"
E crossed his arms. "It didn't look very infinite to me."
The monster charged.
The warrior screamed.
E sighed.
"Fine. Let's do this properly."
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6. The Battle Nobody Expected
E reached out, and for the first time since arriving, he felt his power awakening.
A pulse of energy rippled through the air. The ruins trembled. The sky cracked further.
And then—he moved.
Faster than thought, he sidestepped the monster's attack and landed a devastating punch right into its core.
A shockwave rippled through reality.
The monster howled.
E's eyes glowed.
For the first time since becoming a Singularity-in-progress, he felt complete control.
"Alright," he muttered, rolling his shoulders. "Let's see what I can really do."
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