The Story of E – Chapter 4: I Definitely Should Have Read the Fine Print

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Previously on The Story of E:

Our totally competent protagonist erased his own existence.

He got stuck in a loading screen because even reality needs a reboot.

He met Greg the Multiversal Lizard Clerk and signed a very questionable contract.

Now, he's in a post-apocalyptic wasteland facing a cosmic horror that looks like someone let a Lovecraftian nightmare play Twister with itself.

Now, back to the action.

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1. The First Rule of Cosmic Horror Fights

"So," E muttered as the tentacle monstrosity roared loud enough to shake the very fabric of reality. "What's the game plan?"

Silence.

More silence.

Then, the sky helpfully supplied a floating [TUTORIAL BOX].

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[How to Fight an Eldritch Horror!]

Step 1: Don't.

Step 2: If Step 1 is not an option, run.

Step 3: If running is also not an option… Well, it was nice knowing you.

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E blinked.

"You know what? Fair."

The monstrosity lunged.

And E did what any self-respecting, logical, incredibly powerful soon-to-be Singularity would do in this situation.

He turned around and ran for his life.

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2. The Art of Tactical Retreat

"Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope."

E zigzagged through the ruins, dodging crumbling buildings and eldritch energy blasts that absolutely did not come with a warning label.

Behind him, the monstrosity screeched in frustration.

Or maybe it was laughing. Hard to tell when the thing had fifty mouths.

Either way, E did not stick around to find out.

[New Objective: Survive for Five Minutes.]

E stared at the floating objective.

"Who decided this was a five-minute fight?!"

Another explosion rocked the ruins, and E barely dodged a flying car that had definitely seen better days.

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3. The Unexpected Heroic Intervention

Just when it seemed like E was about to be turned into existential roadkill, something slammed into the eldritch horror with enough force to send it flying.

E skidded to a stop, staring at the new arrival.

It was a heavily armored warrior, standing atop a crumbling skyscraper, their cape dramatically billowing in the apocalyptic wind.

The warrior turned to E, their eyes burning with righteous fury.

"You! You must be the Chosen One!"

E stared.

"Nope."

"You must fulfill the prophecy!"

"Wrong guy."

"Then you must be the one who signed the contract with Greg."

Silence.

E sighed. Deeply.

"Okay, that one's true."

The warrior nodded solemnly. "Then you are doomed."

E sighed even deeper.

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4. The Totally Not Suspicious Prophecy

"Okay, listen," E started, rubbing his temples. "I just got here. I didn't even get the user manual. Can you explain what's happening in a way that doesn't involve vague destiny nonsense?"

The warrior hesitated.

Then, they pulled out a scroll.

A very long scroll.

E groaned.

"Oh no, you're actually doing the prophecy thing."

The warrior cleared their throat.

"Ahem. 'In the Final Era, when the Boundless Void shatters and the Old Gods awaken, a traveler from beyond the veil shall arrive. He shall be known as—'"

They paused.

Then squinted at the scroll.

Then looked at E.

"—uh, 'The Cold One'?"

Silence.

E stared.

"Excuse me?"

"That's what it says." The warrior turned the scroll around.

And there it was.

Big, bold, dramatic letters:

"THE COLD ONE SHALL RISE."

Below it, in smaller print:

"Also known as: The One Who Sighs Too Much."

E massaged his temples.

"I want a refund on my fate."

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5. The Worst Power-Up Sequence Ever

Before E could further protest his unwanted prophecy status, the eldritch horror recovered and roared with even more tentacle-based rage.

The warrior tossed E a glowing artifact.

"Here! Take this! It will awaken your true power!"

E caught it.

It was a… rock.

He turned it over.

"This is literally just a rock."

The warrior nodded seriously. "Yes, but it's a magic rock."

E threw the rock at the monster.

It bounced off harmlessly.

Nothing happened.

The warrior gasped.

"You—You just used the Sacred Relic of Infinite Power as a THROWING WEAPON?!"

E crossed his arms. "It didn't look very infinite to me."

The monster charged.

The warrior screamed.

E sighed.

"Fine. Let's do this properly."

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6. The Battle Nobody Expected

E reached out, and for the first time since arriving, he felt his power awakening.

A pulse of energy rippled through the air. The ruins trembled. The sky cracked further.

And then—he moved.

Faster than thought, he sidestepped the monster's attack and landed a devastating punch right into its core.

A shockwave rippled through reality.

The monster howled.

E's eyes glowed.

For the first time since becoming a Singularity-in-progress, he felt complete control.

"Alright," he muttered, rolling his shoulders. "Let's see what I can really do."

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