The Story of E – Chapter 12: The Hero-Villain Performance Review
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Previously on The Story of E
E officially became the Hero-Villain CEO™ of both the kingdom and the evil empire.
The King discovered the truth but realized he was powerless to stop it.
The Evil Lord is just going along with it at this point.
The system has completely given up.
Now, let's check in on our favorite morally ambiguous protagonist.
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1. The Annual Kingdom-Empire Performance Review
E sat at the head of a long, expensive table.
To his left: The King, looking extremely tired.
To his right: The Evil Lord, who was drinking heavily.
In front of them: A massive stack of paperwork.
The King sighed. "Alright, let's begin. First report—"
E held up a hand. "Wait. Before we start…"
He turned to the reader.
"Oh, hey. Didn't see you there. You're back for another chapter? Nice. Get comfortable—this one's gonna be fun."
The King looked around. "…Who are you talking to?"
E waved him off. "Don't worry about it."
The Evil Lord nodded. "Just let him do his thing. He does this sometimes."
The King rubbed his temples. "I hate this job."
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2. The Financial Report: Where Did All the Money Go?
The King cleared his throat. "So. First issue—our finances."
He held up a report.
"Apparently, over half of the kingdom's budget has been spent on… lava moats?"
E nodded proudly. "Yes. Essential infrastructure."
The King stared. "…How?"
The Evil Lord raised a hand. "Well, you see, first we had one lava moat. But then E suggested we add more. And, well… now we have 47."
The King slammed the table. "WHY?!"
E shrugged. "Security."
The Evil Lord nodded. "And aesthetic."
The King looked at the expenses.
"DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LAVA COSTS?!"
E leaned back.
"Listen. You say 'wasting money.' I say 'necessary evil.'"
The Evil Lord pointed at himself. "That's me!"
E grinned. "See? He gets it."
The King buried his face in his hands.
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3. The Hero-Villain Efficiency Review
The King took a deep breath. "Fine. Next issue—Hero and Villain activities."
He pointed at a chart.
"Over the past six months, the number of hero-villain battles has increased by 300%."
E nodded. "You're welcome."
The King glared. "No. That's BAD."
E raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Then tell me, dear King, what is the number one source of revenue for this kingdom?"
The King paused.
The Evil Lord answered for him. "Tourism."
E grinned. "EXACTLY."
He held up a brochure.
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[Welcome to the Land of Eternal Conflict™!]
Watch the legendary Hero-Villain duels!
Gamble on battle outcomes!
Buy exclusive villain merch!
NEW: Guided tours of the Evil Fortress (lava moat included!)
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The King stared in horror.
"YOU MONETIZED THE FIGHTING?!"
E nodded proudly.
"And it's working! Tourists LOVE a good battle. The kingdom's economy has never been better."
The Evil Lord leaned back. "I made a killing selling 'I Fought the Hero and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt' merch."
The King held up the sales report.
"…Why is this actually profitable?!"
E smirked.
"Because I'm a genius."
The King looked at the numbers.
"I hate that this is working."
E patted his shoulder. "You'll get used to it."
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4. The Morality Crisis
The King took another deep breath.
"Alright. Final issue—ethics."
E blinked. "Huh?"
The King slammed the table. "You're supposed to be the HERO! But you're also the VILLAIN! YOU CAN'T BE BOTH!"
E tilted his head.
"Why not?"
The King threw his hands up. "BECAUSE IT'S WRONG!"
E leaned forward.
"Define 'wrong.'"
The King froze.
The Evil Lord grinned. "Oh, he's doing the thing again."
E stood up.
"Let's say a hero fights evil to protect the people. And let's say a villain rules evil to control the people. Now, what if… the hero controls the villainy to protect the people?"
The King squinted. "That's just dictatorship with extra steps."
E shrugged.
"Or… it's the perfect system. Controlled chaos. The people are safe, the villains stay in check, and I get to be both the hero and the villain. Everybody wins."
The King felt his soul leaving his body.
The Evil Lord raised his glass. "I, for one, welcome our morally ambiguous overlord."
E bowed. "Thank you, thank you."
The King looked at the reader.
"If anyone out there is listening… send help."
E waved at the reader.
"Oh, don't worry. They love me."
The King groaned. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?!"
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